Journal #62, August 8: Life is too short

As some of you might know I've struggled with my sexuality for years, specifically with my attractions to the same sex. It's only been about 8 years since I've been able to admit my bisexuality by name. But here I am embracing my desire for guys, eagerly anticipating the joys of gay sex.

Except I haven't had gay sex yet.

I know I want to. The thing is I'm 53 and time is wasting away. I really have to get going and start having sex with guys. Every day that passes by is another day I might not get to do this for whatever reason...including not being able to do anything else ever again if you know what I mean. Not likely anytime soon but shit happens. I have the feeling I'm missing out on something really fun and missing out on meeting great guys.

And I have to admit I do get opportunities. I have to be more aggressive about pursuing them. I know my chances are good. Even if they are not ideal at least they are opportunities to explore. Who knows? Something that doesn't check all the boxes might be really fun anyways. At least it's a learning experience.

The alternative is dreaming and wondering about it, frustrating myself sexually and in other ways. I've thought about it long enough. It's time to act.

If anyone reading this would like to give me some advice or encouragement, I would appreciate it very much! So many faceless folks online have helped me over the years make sense of my sexuality and accept it for which I am so grateful. I would also be grateful for anything that would help bring me over the edge.

 

You're right when you say that life is too short and it can be shorter than you can imagine. One of the things I ask guys who are sitting on the bench is, "Do you want to be in your last moments of life and thinking about all the shit you didn't do and you know now that you should have?" I have heard an untold number of men, over my 60 years of being actively bisexual, come up with every excuse under the sun why they haven't located a suitable guy and, at the least, get into some serious cocksucking. What are you waiting for? What are you afraid of? You stand a better chance of getting in your car and being killed in an accident than you do catching an STD or, perish the thought, HIV/AIDS. The CDC long ago proved that you cannot catch HIV via oral sex and they said that there's only a 4% chance of getting an STD in your mouth... which means that there's a 96% chance that you won't.

To get started, forget all that top and bottom stuff and start like so many of us have: Suck a guy off and get him to suck you off. Repeat. And repeat again.

Think about this like Morpheus told Neo about only being able to show him the door - but he had to go through it. I or any other life-long bisexual can tell you all the pros and cons we've experienced but you're the only one who can decide to get off your butt, go to the edge of the pool, and get in with the rest of us. What are you waiting for?