Not Catholic, Not Mexican, Still Me

This isn’t just about misidentification—it’s about denial of agency. When people insist on framing your identity through racial or ethnic essentialism, they’re refusing to let go of a taxonomy that feels safer to them than your truth. They want you to explain, justify, negotiate. But you’ve already done the work. You’ve already metabolized the shift.

This was from a chat I had with an AI chatbot.

What it begins to look like is some people feel threatened they'll be left behind if they don't anchor my context or frame my understanding with these constructs.

What I would say to them if they would listen is that I feel like either are a liability for me, a responsibility to live life according to a set of principles I no longer wish to be involved with, and that it's invasive - it's intrusive into my personal boundaries and it refutes hopes and ambitions to achieve things that do not naturally accept either identity's problems (to put it nicely).

Sometimes it becomes about something I'm able to achieve by removing the encumbrances that I feel are inherent to that identity (Catholic or Mexican are interchangeable there and I don't mean offense but I choose not to be either as my life continues). People want to remove that. They try to factor it out by bombarding my sense and boxing my ears with associative noises - as though I owe them and that I'm not permitted to make new choices.

If I owe I'd like to determine how I can pay. If I can't, I think there must be a way that allows me to move on, like someone wishing to make amends but that isn't one of the options - no forgiveness, thus no triumph.

It's really unfortunate for me because I don't get to live my life by my own design, which is something I'm not willing to sacrifice. It's something I view as a right. To remove that is to remove my individuality and cast me as part of something I wish to divest from.

 

More specific , if you please.

 

Everyone remembers the 4th step in alcoholics anonymous - make amends. In the instructions there is a concept that if you are not awarded approval from those who you wronged, at some point you have to accept whatever there is and progress knowing you did your best to fix it.

In my allegation, I'm not being allowed to move forward with my life because others will not award approval of my choices - they won't acknowledge it properly and then without saying so, behave as though it is a mistake, bringing my life choices into question.

To live with that question mark is invalidating and makes my emotional connection to my new faith or any activity that I approach having identified as 'not Mex' or 'hiding my heritage' or 'not ethnic' as questionable.

It's like me trying to lose weight and others wanting to embrace their 'natural size'. I don't call them lazy, but I'm trying to work on my abs!

 

The Truth Shall Set You Free

That is something I learned in my adolescence at a troubled teens boarding school. Emotional growth was the highest priority on the agenda then.

I feel like to retain that priority is important to my growth as an adult.

What I noted in the OP is that others seem to feel (because of socioeconomics?) that I 'don't have the luxury' of emotional growth; not until I can afford my lifestyle - until I can pay my way independently, the choices are invalid.

This is conjoined with an obedience philosophy that I remember from my upbringing, and the principle.

I have a disability. It is not expected to improve. These choices inform my emotions at a higher rate.

While that is not the only reason it does relate.

 

They label you so you are marked as not one of them. In their black vs white world it's us vs them. Once you're labeled all the prejudice and vile they've learned get put into practice like trained monkeys.

So many Americans are so lost in their ignorance because they're so stuck in their conservative bubble. They have no idea how the rest of the world thinks and lives.

Their religion and politics blind them. Their lack of travel to other countries, leave them only able to speak their own language. There's No respect for other cultures or religions other than their own.

We can ignore them, but really they must be called out for their ignorance, even if it means making them look like fools. They must reach a stage of cognitive dissonance before they can change their views.

 

In my life I have been subjected to puncture vines, commonly known as goat heads. They are extremely uncomfortable when lodging in ones bare feet. My first action when subjected was to remove said irritants from feet. Second was to remove my self from the area of puncture vine growth and not return to that area. This was done simply because I don't like pain. Simplistic, I know.

 

What becomes immediately clear to @scratcho is now also part of my normal thought process - find my way home and don't walk there!