When I meditated long ago I was a beginner and did not entirely know what I was doing, or not doing is maybe better phrasing. I had a few exalted states, and I held on to them even though I think I had read not to. Since reading in one of my books the phrase "spiritual intoxication" stuck in mind a little, which book I cannot recall, I think it might have been one of the mindfulness ones Jon Kabat Zinn. As such I am not sure whether reading that somewhat curtailed such states or whether my own relaxation of very specific techniques has made them go by the way side. I meditate in a very relaxed way now, I have rather let go of specific breathing, specific hand positions. I sit upright comfortably and that is it anything else is fine. My experience suggests that in formal sitting meditation it is possible to alter consciousness merely by breath adjustment. As I understand this is not actually very useful. As in changing the air intakes can change consciousness. I also have noted and known since before when I meditated that the focus on eyes and their position can also bring about a change in state. Somewhat rolling the eyes or going slightly boss-eyed creates an additionally expanded spacious state in the brain. I am quite sure either over exaggerated breathing as in greater intake of air than you need can intoxicate along with extremely slow states of breathing when extremely deep relaxation occurs, of course related to blood oxygenation. When extremely relaxed at this point you can feel your heart beating more or less at different stages of breathing cycle usually. In any event these states are apparently not deemed to be particularly useful. As in we can get intoxicated and spaced out through breath style alone. Meditation has a very uneventful feel about it these days, I am very consistent with it on a daily basis and I allow what it is come what may. On some level I miss these spaced out almost dissolving feelings, in consciousness and physical boundary of skin as they can make you think you are achieving something. But what are you achieving other than pleasure or a deluded state ? Does it have a value, I am not sure, maybe the sense that your consciousness is beyond your head and your body can dissolve is of some kind of value ? At very least it is an altered state of perception of self, conscious s and physical. I am not certain if this has value. One has to ask seriously inquire about this. Much like smoking a joint or drinking a 2 glasses of wine changes your mind space. Absolutely nothing wrong with that for 99pct of people on the planet and I am not judging it, done it myself in the past, no problem with it. Who hasn't ? However, my inclination is that in the formal meditation sitting space the value is not only limited but possibly a step backwards away from just empty space and dwelling without a sense of pleasure or spaciousness or dissolution or expansion or the dropping of physical boundaries. These can feel very powerful but are they happening to create an obstacle ? Your ego pleasuring itself in an empty space ? Even the questioning of whether some "experience" has a value or not, especially something you are not actually experiencing at the moment and somehow start to wonder if you should be seem like a trick of the ordinary mind to kick thought back into being the controller. Whilst there is not meant to be a goal as such one does from time to time consider progress which is ironic in some ways. I tend to consider how I feel on a day to day basis in context with what is happening in my life, when not meditating as a marker of progress rather than an analysis about sticks in the mud goal markers. Does any of this make sense to you ? I start to think this is just some trickery of the ego. I do from time to time focus on "who or what is meditating ?" (is it my ego /ordinary mind ?) and self that wants to meditate to "achieve" and become something. The good thing with consistency is the ego is left out of the decision, as you "do it" whether or not you want to. And that makes the ego less powerful and less in control as you simply do it whether "you" being the ego wants to or not. This is a powerful case for resolute consistency as it overrides the ego's desires one way or the other. A new discovery right now which I am trying not to feel pride or attachment about cause that is just ego again. I am cautious about this in the sense that you could tie yourself in knots but at least I can seem to express it at the moment.
Thanks KathyL, you seem lovely as a person. Small things kind of click, every now and then. I am leaning towards there not being very much to call a self beyond the construct of a stream of mental events that try and direct you here and there. It seems we are more a conscious energy field. Though of course mind and body are clearly linked. A powerful reminder is being in a state of pain when meditating, that quickly reminds you of the physical container. Even when first sitting the awareness of your heart beating much faster than 40mins in. Clearly have not transcended mind or body beyond the brief period during formal meditation. On it goes.
