More Thoughts.

Like I said, this in many ways reminds me of the time just up till April 2004 at Sinai-Grace hospital. I had simple existence, but a good quality of life then. And then that happened forever robbing me of that. And all these years later I have still never gotten over it. And that's basically what happened now. Whatever simple life and good quality of life I had before July 22nd and September 15th, when Eric told me he was abandoning me for good, is destroyed and I'll never get it back. Never. Not that I am expecting anyone to help me now anymore than anyone was willing to help me back then. And plus the stakes have been upped. And like I said, it really all comes down to respect for me and what value I have in someone's eyes. I guess Wayne County Probate Court and the Detroit police in this case. Though it's hard to say, because there has been a well-planned system of abuse of me since I was a child. I can't explain that either. But now I know because of Wayne County Probate Court and the Detroit police I will be taken away in cuffs when I least suspect it. When everything is going well, when there is no reason for it. Even if the papers have been obviously falsified. And like I said that comes down to respect again because that is how you would treat an animal. Not ask first or care about his consent, not care about his legal status, not care about his welfare. They didn't even try to ask me first. They never approach me, because of the secrecy that has existed since 1992 or 2011. Or childhood really, my therapist says. That shows the same attitude and lack of respect and worth. (The same one showed when they tried to take away my car 20 years ago even though I am a good driver and one of the few people in Detroit who even has insurance.) And I thought maybe now all that stuff was ending. But I've given up on expecting that. I guess it's time to give up hoping altogether. And then when they lead me away in the future, again without even asking and with no regard to my rights as a person, I'll go some place where I will lose all contact with the outside world, all ability to cry for help then. Which as I said, I submit as a complaint is no accident. And then I end up some place where reckless, dangerous decisions are made behind my back. Probably some horrible group home in Detroit where I will be neglected, threatened and abused. Where I will lose my car and independence and I will have to take whatever dangerous drug treatment they say at that moment. Because in Detroit like in Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol they think they've done their obligation by you as long as you are barely living somewhere. Barely living somewhere with all my cries to the outside world forever silenced.

And like I said, a group home and a car are no negotiable. I will not accept either possibility under any circumstances. No. No. I decided in 2005 that I would never allow anyone to take my car away from me under any circumstances, when I had to think about it and I realized then how vital it was to my independence. And now I know it is also vital to my safety and life, my medical consent, my link to the outside world and to avoid being neglected. I don't care what people say, anything they say, because I won't listen to it. I said no and I meant no. It is not and never will be negotiable. I decided that long ago as I said. And as I said, I was hoping Eric would get me a car with better safety and accessibility features. My financial consultant says some day I may get a used car. I probably caught him in another lie with that. But it still isn't negotiable. And a group home is not negotiable either. Not that I know now I'd lose all contact with the outside world, be neglected horribly, be threatened and abused, and lose all medical consent. I don't what I can do to avoid it now that I know force, along with secrecy and not simply having the decency of asking me, are going to be involved. But I will do something, I promise you. I'll do whatever I can.

Also I forgot to add, for the first time in my life my dental care is basically over with. That much at least I know, because they admitted it to me. Probably a lot of other things too. My life in short is basically over. Eric left at the worst possible time too. Like I've been saying, I am going to have a lot of other costs due to the damage that was unknowingly being done to me. There's certainly not enough money in the trust for that cost on top of the rest. And why is he so angry at me? Why does he hate me so much? And I know I am not supposed to say this, i.e. criticize him again at this point. But why does he blame me for everything? I just know in any event the car and a group home are not negotiable. They'll never be, I'll see to that.

I really don't know what the future holds or what kind of life I'll have now. Eric paid for so many things. My dental care is over. And just simple things like the fact I had satellite TV. I actually have two receivers when I only needed one. Clearly because he paid for that all. And I really do like a entertainment and diversion. I don't think I am wrong in doing that. And people are already lying to me about how nothing will change which is really frightening, why they have to do that. I was already settling down into a simple, happy life already. I was enjoying cooking again. I was even doing these little craft projects. Postit notes and other things I put on my wall to remind of important information. I know it sounds silly, but I was really enjoying that. And now I am facing this and my life is over. And on top of that I don't even know what the future holds.

What did I ever do to deserve this? What could any human being do to deserve this? And I don't know if I should even say this. But a new form of abuse may already beginning. People are saying that I did deserve this. I criticized Eric too much and that is why my life is ending now. Is that true? Is that what people really think?