More Thoughts.

I am still confused by several things. They make no sense to me how they could even be possible, some of them legal and some of them just logical. I am denied all access to the legal system? Nobody could possibly be denied all access to the legal system. And I haven't done anything wrong. I'm treated like a criminal, but I've done nothing wrong. I am not a danger to myself or others and never have been. And yet that treatment continues. They give me no explanation, but like I said I know it's not my fault and I am a very good person. They are not going affect my self-esteem like people have in the past and make me think I deserve bad things, I don't. Or that I don't deserve good things in life and a good life, I know I do. And yet it continues. And it is only getting worse, not better. And I am still confused by the fact my unkind words are responsible for the horrible situation I am in now. That is obviously just another form of abuse. And I am going to spend the rest my life exposing it, now that I know I can. But my words never had a positive effect or their intended effect. I begged and pleaded for help and I explained the horrible situation I was in. And plus I have been deliberately abused all my life, and I now know it was all planned. And yet those words have no effect. But my unkind words are what finally had an effect? And that effect was to destroy my life? Why would anyone even tell someone something like that. And what a thing to say. They cried out for help and complained about the abuse, and they were the ones punished. Plus who is going to pay for all the damages done to me? My doctors told me the nerve damage in my feet and hands is permanent. And I am stuck with neuropathy and diabetes for the rest of my life. The people who did that to me should be responsible for my care and to make sure I live a normal life in spite of it. And in the worst way possible. Hiding it from me and telling me my health was never better. But the people who did that to me should be responsible for my care more than just as a moral obligation. But as a real legal obligation. We all agree with that. The law makes sure that people who damage you make reparations, since obviously they otherwise wouldn't want to. But that doesn't seem to the case in my situation. And plus my case doesn't even exist. It's hard to deal with all the damage to me, the abuse and the horrible injustice of being treated the way I am by the legal system when people still deny my case exists. And yet they do that. Not just do that but continue to do that after years. I just thought that would be over with by now. But it never ended.

Like I've said, I keep thinking people are working diligently on my behalf behind my back. But that doesn't seem to be the case. In fact things in my life are getting worse. Almost like the opposite is happening.

Plus part of the problem with no access to the legal system is that I really have no one to consult with legally. No one to give me advice or any instructions. I just know my doctors warned me of what was happening and the damage that was done to me a couple of years ago. And now they are obviously coerced back into silence. But like I said I can tell things aren't being resolved for me, they are getting much worse. I have no one to turn to for any emotional support or just advice in general. Like the song says, I'm standing all alone. I did the best I could under the circumstances, but I don't see what I did that was wrong. I did nothing to deserve all of this. And I will need expensive care for the rest of my life now, care I never would have needed before. Never would have needed before if I just knew the damage was being done when it started. Just having someone to help me clean would be nice, because I am beginning to have mobility issues. I can handle it now, but some day I may need that. But no one feels responsible for any of that or wants to help me. They think I can somehow manage with all of that. I can't. Plus there still is the matter of my medical consent and how I need to have it restored to me immediately. But I'll really never know when it is. I'm being treated worse that the lowest criminal. And I need full medical consent so I can prevent things like being put in a group home against my wishes, especially now that I know what awaits me there. But now yesterday Eric and his brother suddenly destroy my life again by saying now they're thinking of it now.

And no one wants to help me now. Many people are obviously aware of it. They just don't care.