Take it or Leave it

I never liked being in the position of having to bargain. So often I would have a mutton-headed dolt on the other side of the table who thought she could just say no to everything and then go back to his/__/their/her 'people' with a smile and say, "Let's give them a written response." Those were moments when I would usually say something like, "You are incompetent for these negotiations, and you seem to be clueless to the format and purpose. It is not my job to train you!"
Most of the advice that I offer (not give) is on a take it or leave it basis. I seldom claim to know the answer to all (or even most) things. About the only thing that remains black-and-white in my world is that one and one and one are three. The response is the same (assuming one is using base ten) whether one uses fingers, beads, a calculator, or pencil and paper. The response is timeless. And the response can be proven anywhere and at any time.
But when it comes to concerns of the heart or the mind, even the sociologists, psychologist, and intervention specialists have notions that might vary depending on prevailing voice(s) in their respective disciplines.
The second love of my life was a young man I had met while I was a freshman in college. He was seven years older than I and he was returning to college after the war that he had escaped had ended. He made me smile and he made me laugh. He played the role of the fool and often pretended to be the naive simpleton from the Midwest. This was before the era of the Golden Girls.
He was a pothead and liked to get buzzed from beer. He drank malt liquor. His breath smelled of beer and weed. At the time, I smoked cigarettes, and he let me know how disgusting everything about that product was to him. He also was not 'out' and would not identify with or even admit to having any affiliation with anything that was gay.
I thought my love for him would make him realize that another person's love is more important than these momentary highs. Boy, was that a big mistake.
That was 49 years ago. He's been retired from school teaching for over a decade. He lives in western Florida, and he tokes through a vape. His health is in general decline. He has difficulty walking and he has undergone a number of optical injections to deal with illness that would have affected his vision.
He's one of those folks who wouldn't initiate a call. He's one of those folks who doesn't race to the phone when it rings. He's one of those folks who doesn't build a directory in his phone... he guesses that it must be I on the other end because the caller has a California area code.
He left me when I was still in college. He even sent a letter back to me without opening it. Years later (when I had moved to CA) I tried reaching out to him at his father's address (my last known address for him). He agreed to reconcile a friendship, but we never really moved forward. At times I wonder if our relationship was taken or left...
He gets a card for Halloween, Thanksgiving, xMas, and his birthday. There are times I wish I could say, "I love you," to him, but he would probably recoil. Who wants to love a person who recoils? It's like petting an animal that winds up spitting on or biting you.
Still... I pass along advice of mine that I have picked up over the years. Don't fall in love with someone who must have alcohol with the meal, with someone who curses in public regardless of the audience or venue, with someone who lights up a joint without asking for approval first, with someone who is assaultive, with someone who cannot hold your confidence... my list is extensive!