Adapting needs of bi/gay hook ups..physical and mental transformation

Would love to hear others how they transform their life’s to adapt to needs of this bi/gay lifestyle , more importantly gaining feedback from past experiences what have you changed internally and physical appearances to support the amazing hook ups wanting more …

 

I grew into being bisexual. It... wasn't hard for me but it wasn't that easy because, first, I had to deal with the weird misperception that I was the only one who liked sex with girls and boys and then being slapped upside the head to realize that, nope, I'm not the only one. It became a part of my everyday life and especially when I had to work out how to have sex with someone, who that someone was going to be or what surprises might I get when I get to school and how do I hide the fact that I'm bisexual because the bullies will just think I'm gay and want to fight and I don't want to fight but I know how to and I don't fight clean and...

Just another Thursday. All the changes I had to make were internal because having sex both ways was "easy" but making sense of why I liked to have sex with both would lead to a lifetime of learning about myself and other bisexual men and, well, men in general and understanding the things a man could do when he was feeling the need to have sex. I don't remember exactly when I realized that I had incorporated bisexuality into my life; I had stopped looking at it as two different things or, as a lot of guys were saying, living some kind of second and secret life when the facts were that I was living one life... with two sexual interests and that this bisexual rabbit hole is stupidly deep.

I've always been a "what you see is what you get" kind of guy. No changes to my appearance to support hooking up with guys because if they didn't like what they saw when they looked at me, well, too bad because I'm not changing myself just to make someone else happy. You either want to get with me or you don't and you'd do well to not judge me by my looks. Shit, what I've learned from my past experiences could fill a couple of books, but I suppose this is the case when one starts out early into sex and bisexuality and, as I've said many times, I have no personal experience with being an adult and finding bisexuality - but I know what I've learned from others and, whew, that could fill a couple more books...

 

As I've written many times, besides childhood play, my gay desires first started when my first girlfriend of three years dumped me at 30 (I also lost my opposite sex virginity with her). That began a regular cycle of failure with a woman giving rise to gay desires, leading me to masturbate to gay porn and fantasies off and on for a few days, where eventually the desire became so uncontrollable it led me out to have anonymous oral sex with real guys, but with internalized homophobia preventing me from enjoying it. And repeat. It was like my subconscious gay side was given permission from the failure with a woman to express itself with conscious same sex desires. The private masturbation and the anonymous oral sex in gay bathhouses etc. was all of course being lived in secret, partially even in secret for myself, or at least my whole self. I labeled myself bi-confused.

After 21 years of that, I finally had anal sex with a guy, which I so thoroughly enjoyed that I recognized the sex I had with my long past girlfriend and the oral sex with hundreds of guys for decades all paled in comparison. The intimacy I felt of inserting my penis into another man anally was mindblowing. My internalized homophobia was nowhere to be seen that night, and I not only accepted the gay side of myself, but I loved and was very proud of it. I happily was able to call myself bisexual finally. I stopped all anonymous hookups in these different gay sex venues and started getting together with local guys for sex in each other's homes using online gay hookup sites. I was finally more open to myself, though still doing all this while in the closet to my regular heterosexual world. But it still felt free to have more intimacy with other guys, and even some dating.

But the biggest eye-opening experience happened when I entered a relationship with girlfriend #2 a few years later. The many breaks in our relationship that she initiated over the next three years allowed the gay side of myself to grow, but only in the enjoyment of gay porn and fantasies, not actually seeing other guys. She knew about my bisexuality, but still was very unhappy when she learned about all the gay porn I turned to during our breaks, even though she was fucking other guys during those times--and I wasn't. But every time when she begged me back, I said yes, still craving love, or more specifically, needing to give love. But when she finally in the last few months of our relationship wanted to just be friends with benefits so that she can see other guys, I turned to lots of gay porn and fantasies. When I eventually wasn't even able to orgasm while fucking her without imagining that I was fucking a guy, I knew our days were numbered. After four months of that I for the first time broke up with her, just before Covid hit; and that was our final, permanent break.

I can't tell you how free I felt, not only to be free of her and the insane relationship, but to be free to be myself, finally accepting my homosexuality, and labelling myself a (mostly) gay man, and loving that. I continued hooking up with guys in each other's homes. But I also joined a large gay men's social group and went to their meetups in restaurants/bars twice a week, hanging out in conversation with them. I felt so much like finally, "These are my people," and I could really be myself with them. I've gone on dates with guys, shown public displays of affection with other guys--without caring who sees--and even started coming out to some of my heterosexual and lesbian friends. And, finally, I've even developed some romantic crushes on a couple different guys, finally proving to myself that I could fully live as a gay man, and not only have sex with other men, but fall in love. I've decided to stay in the closet with most of my heterosexual world, especially close family and relatives, but only until I have a boyfriend, if that should happen. If I was in love and in a long-term relationship with a guy, then I would want to live openly in that relationship.

But I still live with some confusion due to still having sexual attraction to some women, though I have no interest in ever having sex with a woman again, let alone romance. But I still find them attractive and desirable. Maybe the confusion comes because I was so happy to finally be able to label myself gay, due to my lifelong fight against that, and don't want to "jeopardize that" by feeling desire for some women. I guess overall I just want to experience a lot more of the gay life before going back to some kind of bisexual label. Or is there still some internalized homophobia at play that manifests itself as conscious desire for women because that's what I'm supposed to feel? Who knows, because what I do know is that my psyche has been so fucked up my whole life.

 

Sharing my experience….
Physical evolution….,
The first man I hooked up was at the gym where he seduced me…I was new at that time..he was sexy looking bullt smooth hunk …also since at that time frame wife and I opened our marriage ..I was seeing the men she dated and been with ….this motivated me to get in shape more ….as bi life increased …I became obsessed to taking care of of my physical appearance as begging of our married life I had big belly and not in shap…now well built body and…as I like guys to be smooth …I ventured to get body smooth by lazer treatment …this helped big time with my hook up …
I maintained my healthy eating , being fit and ensuring every men who I get in bed with leaves wanting more …,it’s working to a point that now ..I have become bi/gay to leaning gay

Mental evolution
Thankfull to wife who brought the bi in me , navigating bi life ..had managed some time with identity issues and regret of what I was doing to myself ….as I became a father it became worse ….one great thing that was working for me is my biggest supporter my wife , she stood by me supporting me continuou this path and slowly leaning gay ….during the last couple of year I had amazing bi/gay partner who I had close sexual and intimate relationships elevated my awareness and helped push me love a man as I want it …that led to meeting a man that truly brought my pure gay in me …as much as I have been 55 guys, half of them been very close and intimate ones …about 8, active sexual and personal relationship..now latest man a unique Latino sexy wel built 23 year old who was peer at work committeee we connected ….first time we met, he introduced and asked me out.one the first date he mentioned he was in love with me, I told him about my path and arrangement I have with my wife and I want an open relationship….he agreed and wanted to continue ….the ways he expresses his love to me I feel sometimes I’m not doing enough in the relationship…,past few month I have mentally accepted myself to let go myself express the love back and appreciate how much love I get from and find ways to support and give back…it took time, I also told my wife that I had amazing intimate relationship with guys ….but I’m in love with him…wife didn’t get made at me, she smiled and said you open up and enjoy ….I know you still love me and kids and there nothing wrong be in love with man…

Mentally I feel great being able express how I desire a man and what I like to do with him to expressing how I love a man …,

 

@RisingBi, do not be confused about your sexual attraction to some women. It's not like gay men don't like women or aren't sexually attracted to them; I know three gay men who have sex with women and will tell me in a hurry that they're still gay. Just because you're still sexually attracted to women doesn't mean that you have to have sex with them.

You can't do anything about how you feel and the only thing you really have to do is just accept that this is how you feel. Do not read anything into this that doesn't belong there, like internalized homophobia and if you think about it, that doesn't make a bit of sense. You're still a man. Women are sexually attractive. Great. Now go make love with your boyfriend and be happy that you're with him and really, who the fuck said that when you're gay, you can't be sexually attracted to women?

 

yup …as married men , I have ..here and there sex with wife ….check out other hot women ….but 90% on men side …lol but I’m happy and proud that I feel good about be romantically and intimately in love with my male partners

 

Thank you so very much @KDaddy23, you've no idea how relieved I am to read your assurances. I'm always my worst enemy, especially with my overly analytical mind. I am who and what I am, and thanks to you, I can accept that more. "Just be"! OK, I'll try.

 

When it comes to my bisexuality, I learned to turn my overly analytical mind off and stop overthinking it. I like women. I like men. Love having sex with both. Shouldn't be that hard to understand. You have to tell yourself that it's okay to still want to stick it to a woman when she catches your eye and makes your blood boil... even if you don't stick it to her. You might be gayer than anything else but you're still a man.