Concept of Virginity

Do you believe in the concept of virginity? Can it fundamentally change who you are as a person? Certainly theres a first time but is it worth mentioning and revering?

Should we make a ceremony of losing virginity? Or should we begin to destigmatize first times, as though having sex for the first time was no different than using a pen for the first time.

Tell me what you think, what would you have prefered for your first time? If you could change how first times go what would you say would be the best way?

 

To each their own, how they prefer to deal with it. Some are private, some will sing it on the rooftops

 

I'm not sure virginity can change who we are as a person given that we start off life as virgins.
I wasn't aware of there being any stigma except for some who are still virgins in their 30s or 40s.
There need not be stigma at any age, imv.

I wish the world was such that women were treated equally and allowed by society, to behave equally to men, if they choose to do so.
Some men will stick it in almost anything or anyone and that's considered 'just a guy being a guy'.
When a woman would behave similarly to that, she gets labelled or earns a reputation that isn't favourable to her. (tart/slut/sleg/bike etc)

That's a generalization, of course.
So virginity won't change us but losing it, or giving it away may lead to our thoughts/opinions changing.

 

On the home stretch with house work today and tomorrow, small things to do
3 more days and the visit comes.
It will be a week of activities during the day and easy evenings

 

Oops, the last message went to the wrong place lol

 

@UnveilingGirl Yes I believe in the concept, yes at the time it did change me as a person (only slightly, taking sexuality to the next level), and yes it was a celebratory event that is well worth revering and remembering because of who it was with.
Of course it's not the same for everyone, but these are just my thoughts.
My first time was slowly built up to, so I felt relaxed and confident it would be a happy and successful occasion. It was, I have special memories of it, and it became a celebration of sexual freedom. I don't look back and wish it were any different.

 

My experience with losing my own virginity was with a close female friend who was as curious as I was as to what the other sex looked like. We'd talked a lot about many things, but this subject was frequent, and we simply decided to be each other's lab partners in the woods. There was a state park entrance across the street from the school, and we simply went there with blanket in hand and found a secluded spot. We made the mutual agreement that if we were to find the answers to our curiosity, we should be ready and willing to put our embarrassments and inhibitions aside and go for it. So the initial fumbling, touching and looking with amazement at and with each other. The talk of how things felt to us when we touched each other and were touched by the other lead to masturbation, which shocked us both but was so enjoyable that it led to sex, which was obviously even more shocking and enjoyable. Eventually as life experiences in both college and the Air Force happened, I was the first for two more virgins. Not the best sex, but memorable, especially a college girlfriend who had a VERY tough hymen... took three occasions attempting to unseal the thing, actually went in around it on the second try and it actually hurt, felt like trying to fuck a bedspring. Third time it snapped so hard we both jumped when it happened, and it was like everything went loose and easy. She bled a lot, and that was my first experience of going in a store and buying tampons for her. The best sex will always be with someone who has experience and some idea of what they want. But everyone gets at least one first time. I've been fortunate enough to have my own first time with another virgin, and two additional virgins. Can't say I'm unhappy about that.

 

There should be no negative stigma at all but I grew up with such an oppressive negative stigma that it's effect lasted decades. Oh to have my time over again

 

I know what you mean.

 

My wife's first time to have sex was when she was 14 with a neighbor boy after losing a game of strip poker. She doesn't count it. She claims that she actually lost her virginity in college to an upperclassman. I'm okay with that. There is no question that I lost my virginity to her on our wedding night.
An alternative view is to count any orgasm caused by another person to be a loss of virginity. In that case, I was the first to finger her to orgasm, and she was the first to give me a hand job to orgasm.

 

Don't knw why I haven't commented on this yet.....

I DID make it a 'ceremony' and I wrote a blog on the experience. I chose to seduce my best guy friend when I was 19 because I wanted it to be as special as it should have been. It was VERY special because we cared about each other as best friends and that made us go to extra lengths to take care and make each other happy. And he was experienced with sex and was able to guide and teach me some vaulable things. It was an all night experience that I will never, ever forget.

 

I kept my virginity until junior year of college. Even as a man, I never felt particularly stigmatized or worried about it. I was fortunate to lose my virginity to a woman I deeply care about. I am not sure the event of losing one’s virginity warrants a celebration, but it is definitely a personally important one. Otherwise, I would not have changed anything regarding my first time. But, as the years have gone by, I certainly cherish the memories of the actual relationship and don’t think too much about my first sexual experience with her.

 

Same for me! Except that I was a sophomore (but a rising junior already) and it was with my very best friend.

Maybe the difference is that many girls feel that their first time will always be unforgettable.
(Of course that depends on the circumstances, what kind of experience it was.)

 

Thanks for sharing your story. Would you describe your first experience as unforgettable? While may very first experience may not be that memorable, the memory of all my experiences with my first girlfriend are.

 

The concept of virginity is based in religion. Value is placed on chaste women, but surprisingly not men. Women that weren't chaste were bad.

The focus is on what men want. So, virginity has become this term for control. Religion forces us to control women by telling them not to have sex until marriage. Some religions celebrate the blood on the sheets. That's another form of control (through embarrassment).

Because of these things, we become anxious about loosing our virginity. This leads to an awkward experience. It's rarely enjoyable.

It would be nice to be able to celebrate this "first" without the stress and anxiety.

 

I would love for masturbating to be not stigmatized when exploring sexual feelings, and for the adults to be supportive and helpful, as a young person explores sex for the first time. I do believe in God and I think it's we humans that have gotten this all wrong. I know the difficulty I've had approaching adulthood and a sex life, and gradually allowing myself to enjoy my experiences.

 

100%. Sex education in most societies are shit. Kids get the "talk" and then are expected to go out and figure the rest out on their own. It's like giving a 15 y/o the keys to a Ferrari.

There needs to be more guidance for kids during puberty. They need reassurance and support. They need to understand that all bodies are different while at the same time having similar desires. Boys need to treat girls better and girls need to treat boys better. Parents need to guide them properly.

 

I have heard of a few instances of a sex positive household. I have chatted with one who grew up that way, and a few others have made statements alluding to the fact that they were able to masturbate openly. In some instances. A few individuals reported seeing their parents having sex, even openly in front of them as children, and were curious about it from an early age. This has reportedly led to incest, with the teens joining the parents or the father establishing a sexual relationship with the daughter. Probably incest is a family secret in some circles. Certainly a taboo subject.How much would be a good sex positive way to give kids freedom, and where is the line that, once crossed, is too far?

 

I had already lost my virginity before I knew what virginity was and, apparently, how important it seemed to be. Parents and other "village elders" kept stressing the importance of not having sex until we were old enough - but not saying what that meant. Come to find out 'all late and wrong' that being old enough meant being 16. I can't really say that us guys were harped upon to remain virgins other than telling us to (1) not touch our ding-dongs and (2) keep it in our pants and, oh, yeah (3) don't let anyone else touch our ding-dong. Girls, wow, I heard what my mother said to my sisters about maintaining their virginity and I guessed it was "designed." to scare them into remaining virgins but what I was experiencing was that girls were "in a hurry" to lose their virginity while others, yeah, they obeyed the order to keep their legs closed... but some of those girls became experts at giving hand and blow jobs and some were, um, learning the ways of Sappho.

And, um, us guys found other ways to, ah, not have sex with girls. So, the stage was set: Us guys were told to go after girls and take their virginity but do not go after girls who had already lost their virginity because that meant they weren't pure and they'd be trouble and all kinds of conflicting shit while girls were still being hammered with keeping their legs closed and getting horror stories about being young and pregnant and how boys were going to use their terrible pricks to hurt them and make them bleed and...

...the adult version of myself was appalled at the shit we were told about not having sex and remaining virgin for as long as possible and the guys and gals I grew up with weren't all that interested in remaining a virgin for very long. In fact, a lot of the girls did give their virginity to a guy that they really liked (or maybe really loved) so it wasn't like they disobeyed that part of what they were told not to do.

Being a virgin was strongly suggested to us; telling us not to have sex had the opposite effect because we wanted to find out why we shouldn't have sex and we had to find out on our own because our parents and elders weren't of a mind to tell us other than rehashing the horror stories, threatening to beat us senseless, shit like that. Girls suspected of not being a virgin got hauled off to the doctor and going through that humiliating test to see if they were sexually active and if their hymen was still intact and, if it wasn't, well, there were apparently ways a girl could have it broken and it didn't involve sex - and the doctors knew the difference.

Were there such things to check us boys? Nope except we were constantly told to keep it in our pants and told horror stories of getting girls in trouble and ruining our lives and all manner of bullshit.

Finally, what would I have preferred my first time to be like? I've had a lot of time to think about that and I wouldn't change a thing about how and when I lost my virginity and I knew too many guys and gals who bought into the fairy tales about losing their cherries and found out that, in essence, they were lied to. So I stopped thinking about losing my cherry twice - once with a girl, once with a guy, life goes on...

 

I would so want this to be how it is with young people. Safely, in a safe environment, even guided and supported by parents. It could be a positive experience. Certainly they would feel in charge of their sexuality, and a bonding and trust with parents because of their support. How long would it take for society to adapt more sex positive norms? I admire those who have grown up in a sex positive home.