Good greetings! I was in a schizophrenia forum but a moderater got annoyed with me because he thought I had said the same thing more than once (complaining about being bullied and excluded etc ). he wrote that I spue out words and suck oxygen from the rooms of the forum and was hateful in his mannerism . Very unprofessional moderater ! And none of the other moderators defended me or said he was abusive verbally or out of line so I quit that forum where I’m not respected or valued by majority . Treating me that way is not acceptable! truth is I have ptsd that became psychotic when I took a party drug. I was sexually molested and psychologically tortured and bullied and raped and abused. my “mother” and her husband would hurt me and then mock and rideculing my suffering . They raised my brothers to not love me . The oldest younger brother adored me and I played with him but by the time they were through with him he was brain washed against me. They were treated good and different. my “mother “ was insainly jealous of me and did everything to destroy me and kinda succeeded . I was an empty shell suffering immensely . ahe destroyed me and set me up to have no friends or support met work. she studied psychology at university but it was to do evil not good . It was to disable and destroy and she kinda succeeded. but I still exist. my spirit and eyes mostly don’t feel like they are in my body. I get bullied by community and am almost all alone with aggressive ugly bullies and asking all over me and they have no real grace but can at best fake it and pretend to have it. I suffered too much ! I got a Seinfeld tattoo saying here’s to feeling good all the time but truth is I see no humour in it because I suffer too much . Thankfully I have a true beaut legend dr who takes good care of me. it’s like community bully me in all they are beyond all religions and rolls etc they are always cruel and fake and horrible. thankfully I have a loving but bossy lol dog and a fabulous perfect partner I hat I adore . I don’t have friends and get excluded and bullied and hated . why ? jealousy ! im a pretty colourful woman and very gentle and peaceful and my main bully seems to be a aggressive hateful woman who incites hate and pretends to be nice while in reality being sl disgusting . she has the men and woman and children hating me and bullying me well almost all of em . there’s still some true beaut Aussie legends but bloody not many . Most are haters and fakes . tragedy ! good Aussie spirit true beaut legends rule instead ! anyway I’m not wchizo in my opinion but a real survivor of tremendous abuse . also I as raped by professionals once who said they enjoyed seeing me suffer. thankful for the true beauts that still exist. not many of em around anymore.
I'm sorry you've been through so much Misty. I'm glad you have a good dog, partner, and doctor. Hopefully you'll have a better experience here than on that other forum. Hugs
I always felt kinda hated by “parents” and they were unable to love me despite me giving them love unconditionally. i believe they are not my real parents because it’s nice to think I have other ones who love me and wish me best and care genuinely not pretend. it’s difficult to cut all contact though part of me think it would be best. Maybe grey rock. I was beyond an outsider in family I grew up with. better people to and for one to be surrounded by …
From what I understand it means to try to set boundaries and not let them have as much access to one’but that one can be polite still .
My “father” just said lots of people get lonely when they get older n then said oh you are going to be all alone and so alone . he knows I’ve been bullied pretty much my whole life etc and don’t have friends as such yet he says such a evil thing. when I said that’s a horrible thing to say to me he replied oh if your going to be so upset about it maybe we should never talk again. he has said and done horrible things. he did always remember my birthday though and I have some unconditional love n care but he treated siblings better and molested me and de valued me and disrespected me and was always cruel in his words and I never felt loved by him or “mother”. she said she wishes I wasn’t born and psychologically tortured me with her sadistic self and diagnosed psychopath husband. he almost killed me with pillow to my face once but didn’t because he didn’t want jail. they were unable to love me but at best could pretend to . They seemed to hate me despite me giving them pure love they couldn’t love me back. I know “the father “ who had that roll but isn’t my real one is old but he has heaps of friends , expensive house , wife , travels etc I don’t know if it’s good for me to keep contact with someone who has said they don’t wish me well and who says you will be alone . Unconditional love and care is awesome but unconditional tolerance to abusive behaviour is not good . thd more you forgive and take their bad behaviour the more comfortable they get with their disrespect and they think they can do whatever they want and destroy you and you will still be there. also “family” turned majority of neighbourhoods all to exclude me and bully vibe me and walk all over me. inciting to hate me. weak people to go along with it .lol a few strong people did not take part but were always nice to me genuinely. If someone in your family of the one who had roll as father ( but wasn’t a real loving one )said you will be all alone in a mocking sick way as if he sadisticly enjoyed and wants you to suffer n be alone what would you do? this man molested me but not siblings who he treated differently. He also said I should never have children n never get married and said I should be gay and said people who don’t work shouldn’t have nice things etc The “ mother “ has aggressive spirit and hard eyes which she projected on to me and said my eyes are so ugly and hard and hers are soft . She said this after seeing me for first time in four years through a photo I sent her. Instead of nice to see you looking good it was attack on my appearance. I think I should move away from “family” but can’t afford to because I don’t work but am on disability pension. hopefully somehow I can move and be surrounded by people who love me and value me and treat me with respect and kindness and care and wish me the best.
Also I don’t have friends as such or support net work who love me and I was rejected ndis. a care team would be good. thankfully I have a awesome dr. even alone lonely people should get professionals who give a f u ck and care for all people professionals.
A real father who genuinely loves and cares for his daughter would say I will make sure you won’t be all alone not sadistically seem to want it. He is protective and genuinely loving and kind and supportive and gives space to be and feel like oneself not molest one and try take who you are from you. same with a real loving mother would want to make sure you are not all alone but have real love and care and good stuff and also space to be and feel like yourself instead of being jealous of your aura and energy and trying to destroy you n if and not allow you to be yourself but try take who you are from you.
I hope and wish for you to get away from all that you have been describing and have a decent, joyful life ---some place.
