White bread loaf (unsliced); with crust off, of course Egg salad: use your favorite recipe Ham salad (kind of like deviled ham); use your favorite recipe 4 large Cherry tomatoes; cut in half and scoop out the inside 8 hard boiled, peeled quail eggs (optional) Cream cheese Mayonnaise Cut the loaf of bread in slices, the long way, so that you make long rectangles about 12: long, 6: wide, and 1/2" thick. Spread one slice with ham salad, and roll it up the long way making a roll 6: wide. Spread another slice with egg salad, and roll it around the first roll. If you want, wrap one more egg salad slice around this. Repeat...wrap in Saran Wrap and chill until they are firm. Spread one normal slice of bread with egg salad, and roll into a small log. Cut off 1/4" from each end (to make flat, smooth ends) and then cut in half at an angle. Chill. Mix cream cheese with mayo to make a smooth, thick cream. Take out the chilled log and place it onto the dish to be used for serving. Spread it thickly with the cream cheese mixture. Place the two small logs on top, with the slanted ends facing up, so that they look like broken branches sticking out of the log. Spread the cream cheese over them as well. Leave the ends of the branches visible. Then, use a fork to texture the cream with long scores to look like textured bark. Stuff a little egg salad into the shelled-out tomatoes. Then stick in a boiled quail egg so that it sticks halfway out of the tomato. Put small dots of the cream cheese mixture on the...oh hell, you are getting the picture, right???"
