In a 12-step recovery format, the 4th step (of 12 total) is to make amends. The 3 prior steps are: Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Is this a contingency? Will people not let go if you don't accept your life as unmanageable? Let's pause there. I want to insist my life is more manageable without adult content on the internet; it's a temptation and I believe used as leverage to make 'my partying ways' a target and demonstrable via a history report from my router contributed to a program contributed to a hellbent vigilante group who are participant to said conspiracy.
Well, I want to be autonomous! That is a term from the context provided (the 12-step context). Autonomy is part of the way I evaluate myself. But there seems to be a contingency. Am I picking on sobriety or picking on 12-step?
What I want to do is be sober. This is being presented as the only viable way forward. But I don't agree with the third step. And I feel like it's a contingency that involves others. But I desire autonomy.
What if I want to move on but I don't want to be sober? What if I want to continue my life without checking any boxes?
That set of contingencies will not be discussed in my life. And does that make my life less manageable? Less valid? Contingent meaning mandatory.
So again, am I picking on sobriety? Is this about 12-step? No. And I've been sober for 7 years going on 8 years. Is this still about the past I have left behind? How do we make amends?
Step 3 is not going to be possible. It isn't going to happen and that's a solemn promise. I am not 'letting go' ever. Where does that leave us? Does the world require of you 'Step 3'?
The entirety of the world has tried to eliminate me. I will not succeed to atone anything with any one of them! This is designed to officiate justice in the hearts of the victims of my arguably juvenile drug history.
But is my router compromised? Is such an arrangement enabling the micromanagement of my autonomous mental wellness? What happened to the information? Did a copy of it go to that chick (in her 50s) with kids but at the intersection?
Then that is the choice you make. You have to want it for change to take place. Nothing happens if noting happens. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I have a close friend that struggled terribly and went to AA for years. Yes, the meetings were a good regimen for him with the comradery and such, but in the end you have to figure what work for you. AA can get a bit preachy, but it works for a lot of people.....you need something to believe in - and sadly, there's not a lot more than that that is available that people can afford.. He did take Antabuse for a few years, just to keep him on the right track....maybe think about that.
I'm not struggling to stay sober. Some people are... And I get that. The environment within which we are taken with and tasked with making amends may need to be considered. We tell people if you move the same problem is going to be at your new location. Maybe that is part of the contingency, because this is a problem. I want to move on without anything about 'letting go' to stop me. I know how to rewire that thing, and I will do so autonomy intact! (want fries with that)
