Merry Wankmas you filthy animals!! Who’s planning on playing a lot this Christmas? I am! it’s 430am Christmas Eve here and I’ve got my hand in my pants, about to explode because I had a hot dream.
I’m already started. Just stripped naked and am settling down with porn for my annual Christmas Eve wank.
Yes, yes, yes! Yuletide is such a heartwarming time of the year. All those musings about warm sweaters, full bellies, stockings hanging over fireplaces, lovers playing footsies underneath a warm blanket... it's no wonder one might also be compelled to masturbate! In Sunday school, they never tell the tale of the fourth Wise man. A virtuous Pagan king of a faraway realm, he chose to bring cheer across many distant lands that have not yet heard the good news. He set forth on an long and arduous journey, buck naked, hoping that the hospitality and goodwill of the common folk would see him through any hardship he may encounter. As the wisest among the Magi, he would bring with him the most precious gift, as well - the offering of semen. He also didn't require the help of a star in the sky to point him in the right direction - instead, his erection would guide him forward. He plodded for many days and many miles, barefoot and nude, across muddy fields, misty marshes, and snowy mountains, bringing much exuberance with him wherever he went. Alas, even though he surely would have been the first to arrive, the wise king would not make it to Bethlehem in time - as he was distracted by the many shepherds and peasants who curiously queried about the prodigious treasure he possessed. The magnanimous monarch dutifully obliged each and every request, taking as payment only what his hosts chose to provide themselves. Yet, the king remained content, knowing his precious gift would not be wasted on the progeny hailing from a royal bloodline, but was now being generously given to those who truly deserved it. And no matter how many of his precious presents he gave away, he never seemed to run out of them - quite the opposite, in fact, he would sometimes receive those same presents in return! Once he finally reached his destination, the unlucky pilgrim only found a barn with an empty manger. The messiah he was searching for was long gone - or maybe he wasn't even ever there to begin with. The wise man did not fret even a little bit - for there was still plenty of livestock around! On christmas, many adherents will gather in churches to attend holy mass and commemorate the birth of christ. Instead of dignifying such frivolous festivities, devotees of masturbation ought to celebrate the birth of another deity. Oh, how impishly idolatrous would it be to completely do away with the holy mass and instead celebrate a Wank mass - a mass wank... a jolly Wank-mas! I wish all masturbators a merry, white Wankmas! Joy to the world!
Horny as hell, but too many people around to do anything about it. I'd love to be totally naked, rubbing my ass and then my balls before slowly jacking off.
