Have you had to say NO to your partner when they told you that they wanted to do something to you? You may never get a second chance. The way I see it is that you will never know if you like it or not, unless you try it first. You don't have to do anything you don't like
The only time I can recall saying "no" was when my father was in another room of the house, but only about 25 feet away from us and with no closed door between us. My girlfriend and I were around age 30 at the time, but it was my father's house we were in, and I would have considered it extremely disrespectful toward him for us to do right there what she wanted us to do. Today, if I walked into a scene being played out by a 30-year-old child of mine and a partner in my house and that close to where I was, I'd feel disrespected. I stand by my earlier judgment in saying "no." She was pissed off, and has never admitted that she was wrong to initiate and not to back off when I first said "no" and why. There was nothing wrong with what she wanted us to do. However the context was wrong - wrong time, wrong place, and with a non-consenting person almost in the same room with us.
I have been into a little more kink than my partners. I would try almost anything once, and more if I liked it. If I didn’t, then we would move on.
It's a fine line. Sometimes NO is YES. The first time I spanked my FWB was after toy shopping. She just hinted at what she liked. She has never asked for it. Still, no one should ever be truly forced. Ever. But knowing that you'll...at some point...be told to do something or have something done to you that will cause the pain and humiliation that you know you will accept. That's fine.
My wife said "NO" when I suggested anal. Then she explained why she would never do that again. She was forced to take it anally in college with no warning and no lube. It hurt like hell! It won't happen again.
when I first brought up anal with my wife, she was very hesitant. She had tried it with her ex-husband, and just like your wife the idiot didn’t do any prep. overtime my wife grew to love it. The only woman I’ve ever had anal with that could orgasm just from anal. No additional stimulation required. I don’t consider anal BDSM.
In my younger days, there were a number of ladies that mentioned adult-related things WAY outside my interest and comfort zone. Many years later my interest zone increased to include a lot of the same things. Life experiences expanded my horizons.
Our friend had a date in her apartment I built for her in our basement. I was in the garage adjacent to it and heard a loud "NO!" followed by a smack. Another no and smack followed which was followed by several more. Finally, after 5 or 6 smacks, the date blurted out "Yes maam. Please no more." That was followed by another smack and some whimpering. Then quiet. I left it alone but later asked her what was going on. That's when I found out she acted as a Dominatrix with several men as "pets" who visited from time to time. Apparently this one guy loved to say no and get the punishment that went along with it.
My spouse and I included her in our lives as in a polyamory relationship. She was in love with both myself and my spouse and we with her. I made love to her separately many times up until the day she died. She couldn't bring herself to do this to me. Besides it's not my thing.
