I am finding many, speaking to others about 'spiritual' matters from the Buddhist/ Eastern perspective seems somewhat egotistical on reflection, or even just a load of words even if some are born of some insights. Even if you wish to just express your interest and enthusiasm it comes across as "selfy". As it is you who wants to get somewhere, that leaves you feeling rather isolated. When I meditate I ask if it is my ego that wants to become something other than it is ? The ego wants to be enlightened, why and what is the motivation to be this perfect being ? If doing something for others is contrived what merit does it have, does it even have merit if it is selfish in motivation ? If it is not born of natural non centre based compassion or without any self then it feels inauthentic. So few people have time for any of this, mainly interested in pursuits of the self to more or less degrees. There is nothing wrong with enjoying things you enjoy doing. It goes well as I don't hold the reins too hard but such things spring to mind. Lots of thoughts, and good to remember them as thoughts, analysis and emotions which should not be grasped at or attached to but of course in ordinary mind this tendency is natural, at least it feels natural when conditions since birth. To speak with others on these matters is difficult. Why do I want to speak with others springs to mind. Expectation is a problem a form of desire in fact, for respect, to be seen as a serious person or thoughtful, attempting wise etc. So many things to observe that can confuse and delude. I usually defer to a Zen proverb which is universally useful. Until you know in the core of being, this is going to be hard work but one must have equanimity and compassion towards oneself as well whilst working through it I suppose. This is not easy. And why Buddhism orientated practice including J.K outside of Buddhist countries is about as popular as burning your own hand with a flaming match.
