My Situation Now.

Like I said, it would be nice if I could get some help function in daily life. In every way really, I only learned I had Cerebral Palsy in 2011 when my neurologist told me that. Up till then I thought something was wrong. In golf class in community college I could never hit the golf ball out as far as the other men in my class. I seem to have extreme physical weakness and it seems to have gotten worse as an adult, but I don't know for sure. I have had serious number one and number two issues since I was a child. I have been dealing with that with baby wipes for twenty years now. But I think I still leak a lot after number one. I just don't notice it because I have been wearing undergarments for twenty years too. I have had to find all kinds of unique ways of dealing with all my issues. Because like my favorite song says, I have been standing all alone dealing with them all my life. Organizing things, which leads to clutter. The best way to organize, the best way to keep the most important things on top or always in reach. And how long of a time I will have to hold onto it and why that might be important. Problems of cleaning. And always problems managing my time, which may be getting worse now. And like I said, my doctors are beginning to tell me they may have to drop me if I am consistently late like I usually am. They are all the doctors I have, I have no other doctors to turn to or to help me. And it would be very hard to find more, especially for all of them. And especially with all the specialists I am seeing and now that I am becoming an old man too old for all of this nonsense I have been facing since I was a child like this.

And I never thought any of my problems affected my driving. I have a very good driving record and I have been driving since 1988, getting my license a year later. I have noticed some problems perhaps, but I have found creative ways around them. They all seem to just be problems all drivers face anyways. But if I at least knew what my problems were, my diagnosis in other words. By 1987 I thought I was a disorganized schizophrenic. That's all anyone seemed to know or what they told me they concluded by then. As far as mentally, they told me in school I was a genius. Though sometimes as I said I got good marks even when I handed in terrible essays. Perhaps due more to my organizational skills and the fact everything was written by hand then. And I thought I probably got a poor mark on my high school placement test, and I was sure I got failing grade on my first French midterm exam in HS. She had stuff on there we never covered in class and that wasn't in the text book. So how could I know? And she never old us to look it up at the library or anything. But both times I got a high mark. (The French midterm came out that way I later concluded because she realized how ridiculous it would be to hold me back a grade just for failing an unnecessary foreign language class.) Then in 1992 they told me I was a paranoid schizophrenic, like the people you hear about often in the news, with OCD tendencies, who wore deadly plastic gloves. Everyone was acting silly, but my court appointed attorney said on the witness stand he saw the gloves and very troubled too. This all happened at the Frank Murphy Hall of Justice in downtown Detroit in August, or the summer IAE, of 1992. It was the middle of the day and the courtroom was packed, and I certainly didn't imagine that. As I say, I wonder now if it was really a court proceeding. It might have just been staged there for me. But finally before he left me a couple of years ago my former psychiatrist Dr. Chang said he agreed I probably only have a personality disorder, which is what I thought for some time now. Probably Schizotypal Personality Disorder he said. One doctor told me it seems obvious to him that I have autism, which he said along with my Cerebral Palsy should have been obvious when I was a child. The lady who used to work for me also hinted at head deformity or that maybe I had one and overcame it as I grew. But like I said, if I at least knew what was wrong with me I could know that much. My diagnosis, what the symptoms are, what the difficulties are. But it's a secret everyone tells me, and they claim there's nothing in the record of my having Cerebral Palsy. Or sometimes they admit that I do, it's hard to say sometimes. But I don't know who I'd even turn to for advice, maybe a little just so I knew what areas to be concerned of, if any. I would never turn to the police for advice on driving. I don't think anyone would really when you think of it, and plus most would agree I shouldn't after what they did to me. Also I don't know where people get general advice for those conditions, for daily living or anything else. I was told all my life I was perfectly normal, so I don't even know what that involves. The new place I am dealing with for mental health seem to want to emphasize the car issue is over. But that's often what Dr. Chang said before he brought up next week, or sometimes years later. So that's hard to say. Or one person there told me if I lose my limbs they'll take my car, which I think I already knew. I also was hoping Eric would buy me a nice new car, with new features. The latest safety features that all cars have now, better accessibility features too, and features that make is easier to use in every way. But my financial institution tells me with Eric gone I may have to just drive my 2013 car for the rest of my life. Eric did tell me he is done with me, but he seems like he may be back. And people keep telling me I should not bring up using the law to ensure Eric takes good care of me. But as often is the case, I am not trying to be mean or callous, I think that's true. He has the money I need, and if half I know in this situation is true, I have a strong legal case against him and many others. And how else could I deal with this and the situations in my life? I am becoming an old man and since my case allegedly doesn't exist things must be being done in private, and from what I can see that is nothing. Nothing or things are getting worse even. And like I said, the worse thing that could happen now is flat tire, broken leg, or something even worse still like a stroke or paralysis.