I'm a Clipper ... Are You ?

Once upon a time, smart housewives clipped coupons. It was part of the process for obtaining price reductions. These coupons would be printed in weekly advertisements (in the newspapers or in free circulars). All the shopper would have to do is take a pair of scissors in hand and cut along the border of the coupon. Sometimes the coupon edges would be perforated. He/they/it/she could then gently tear the coupon from the ad.

So, what's the process nowadays?

I thought--upon seeing how the prices are lower--that I would be granted these same bargains/benefits by just telling the store what my account number is. In fact, I don't even need the actual number. I could give them my home number. Or my cell number. Or the number that my friend Kitty had when she lived in Encino. Or the number of my first tenant who's long gone but, when he was alive (of course) used to love bargain hunting.

I could look at the circular for x minutes and still not be any closer to knowing what I wanted or would want to buy. There are things that never make it into my home... Hawaiian Punch, designer red pasta gravy, things that have been created with chicken as the base (i.e., chicken fingers, chicken nuggets). I'm a tactile and visual shopper. I cruise the aisles and look at a number of things. I compare price (usually per unit/metric). I look at packaging. I verify if it's part of a mandatory multi-purchase combination (such as 10 boxes of pasta for $10). Then I pick up the item and peruse the ingredients and nutritional information. The last practice could be a make-it or break-it deciding factor. I look at calories, fat, sugar, and sodium values.

Sometimes I'm inspired by what others have in their shopping cart. I, for example, will only buy firm or extra firm tofu. But there have been times when I have seen an Asian woman (with or without child in tow) who will hang out at the tofu section of the refrigerator and make decisions based on G*d knows what might be going through her mind. This type of observation has gotten me to pick up baked tofu or seasoned tofu that I would have normally never considered.

I have long since given up clipping the coupons on my own. So, I call the Retail Store/Corporate - 877-723-3929 number, mash a few buttons on my phone, and speak to an agent from the Philippines who will clip the weekly coupons for me. Often there are in excess of 300 of them. I tell them that I want them all. Who cares? Give me coupons for monkey chow or organic, plant-based, body-builder protein powder. I want my options and I want them all.

This practice came about ages ago. I went into the store and thought when I would find an item that has a discounted price to it, the price would go down based on my telephone number or store card swipe at the machine. At the end of the transaction, I would note that nothing had happened. So, I'd call the manager, and she would say that I'd need the coupon. Then I'd ask her if she could swipe her card or give me a coupon in her drawer. She would say, "No." I would then leave my entire order at the self-check counter and say, "Then I don't want any of this!"

I don't use my cell phone to do heavy-duty computer sh*t. Anything that requires reading on my part is not going to be part of my cell phone activity (except maybe a message from Message or a message from Messenger). And I don't use tablets (except for morning medicine). So, I learned about calling customer service and about having them do the work for me.

What pisses me off about this practice, however, is that they tell me it could take 30 minutes to 24 hours for the account to be posted. A day? For clipped coupons? And what would they expect of me if I were to do this on my own?

I try to avoid the major grocery store. I use ALDI or sometimes the Latin or Asian stores. The ethnic shops, however, are not the definitive answer if you want Yankee products such as cold cereal or mayonnaise.
Still...

I'm not 'into' grocery shopping. One day--after I hit the lottery big time--I will make a fun game of this. In the meantime, I call for coupons and then buy 10 items or fewer. It's how I roll!