More Conclusions.

Like I've said, I can't work. It really isn't my fault, I've always known that. By 1991 I was convinced that I had some undiagnosed neurological problem. And just some personality disorder, not full-blown schizophrenia (with plastic gloves like they said in 1992). And my former psychiatrist Dr. Chang did tell me that when he dropped me for good. Schizotypal Personality Disorder, he said. Or something like that. I was speculating for a while, until my therapist dropped the dime in 2011 revealing I was diagnosed as mentally ill at age 7, along with Cerebral Palsy, my neurologist also revealed. (I also wondered if I had some disease like Fragile X Syndrome or maybe some undiagnosed one just found in me. James' Syndrome, or something.) But I always knew I wasn't lazy. It's hard for me to get things done. Mental fatigue sets in and I have problems organizing time and managing my resources. If I had even a part-time job I'd have no time for myself. I don't know if I'd even have time to do the most basic things in my life. And as I've said, this is becoming the abuse of an old man. It's too late to rehash all of that. And talk about the morality of what a selfish, lazy person I am. I am not and never have been. Taking walks in parks when I feel down, collecting sports cards, cooking a little, taking care of my cat, etc. Those are my life and those are my only responsibilities and those are worthwhile things in themselves I think. And there's really nothing else I can do now anyways. My situation just by my age and many problems now will only get worse, or at least not better. And like I said, things like driving and living independently are important to all of that. I was trying to make the argument early on that there was more to my driving than just my enjoyment of life because I thought that might be part of the problem. But that didn't seem to make any difference. Besides all of that stuff that happened with the police and others trying to take my car, even though I was a good driver, better than most people in the city I live, was so ridiculous. I don't know why I fell for it. But I was preoccupied with a lot of other things too. And I am beginning to think that those high doses of those neuroleptic drugs may have clouded my thinking too. Which almost led to suicide as I said. But all I need is for people to leave me alone to live my life in peace now. To maintain my present situation too. But so far no one seems to agree.