More Conclusions.

And like I said, I don't know why I withheld from telling the truth when I went to Sinai-Grace for my second suicide attempt in 2004. I remember I was tempted to tell everyone of the abuse and how it led to that point. The recent abuse, and any abuse that I knew of since I was a child. I guess I wasn't sure of some of it. I still am not. But I could have gone into all of that and told them how it led to desperation and irrational thought and eventually suicide again not surprisingly. But I thought the reason why I went there was for help. And I told you how they helped me. Interrogating and asking me what I was hiding. The man assigned my case walked into my room my first day there. And with a look of disgust he asked me, so what did you do? And then he put me in that bizarre group therapy session where he told us we patients were to tell him our deepest, darkest secrets. All while the patients looked around in terror, wondering what that was all about. He made those homophobic remarks in the TV room that one time. And I was interrogated in many other ways and treated with suspicion and contempt by all or most of the staff. Especially the people assigned my case each day I seem to recall, as I said. All leading to seven years of suicidal ideation that could have ended tragically sometimes. And when I was there last summer, my doctor didn't deny any of that happened. He said that is the nature of psychiatry in the US. They also told me my records are in the basement of Sinai-Grace. I'll have to go and get them and look into this matter. I'd rather enjoy what little of my life they left me with, left me with damaged and alone, than do things like that. But I guess that is how I am to be spending the rest of my life now.

And now nothing is being done, the secrecy remains, I am treated like an object or commodity in others' eyes, not a human being. As they struggle, my former therapist basically told me, to cover up what they did and not get in trouble. I know they are capable of harming someone and damaging them permanently. Of doing it for years and not caring. And then covering it up to escape responsibility. And now they are going to use that against me, especially some day if it makes me more upset, the more I dwell on it. Say I am becoming irrational or upset. Irrational or upset, again from what they are doing to me. Since I know that what they are capable of and that they don't care, since I know covering up their crimes is more important to them than taking responsibility and dealing with the harm, since I know that they, the Detroit police and others, think the purpose psychiatry is to bypass the constitution and do things the law would never otherwise allow them to do. And then to use the idea of secrecy. Secret guardianships, secret surveillance (like my probate lawyer pointed out, can be done in the interest of public health), secret laws and secret arrangements, so none of the public will really ever know all that they did. Since I know all of that, and what kind of disgusting human beings would do that, it might lead to desperation some day. And as I am left alone with no one to care for me and as more tragedies follow, as they will, especially as I become an old man dealing with that and dealing with the problems of aging. New diseases, new forms of pain, new financial crises, etc. I might some day see suicide as an option again. I actually have thought of it more of a personal decision, for over 30 years now. When considered with sound mind and all the information. But if that ever happens again that I am led to feel that way, they will take away more of my rights. Not confide in me and finally tell me the truth, and end this lifetime of abuse too. But they will tell me I am sick again and need help. Help like they gave me above in Sinai-Grace in 2004.

But like I said I will not let that happen. Because like I said, one thing I know. I am not going to a place like a group home ever. I will always stay living alone independently at home. At home, in a nice large home for all my needs, my cat and all my possessions. I will always be driving with all the money I need to live on, whatever that amount is. And they are never going to put me inpatient in a psychiatric unit or any place like that ever again. If anything needs to be done with, it will be them. They will reform their behavior all of them, despite what kind of people they are deep inside. And they will allow me to live the rest of my life in peace.