More Conclusions.

I was also going to say that the more I think about it, the whole idea that my former psychiatrist Dr. Chang thought that Eric would be my chauffeur shortly after my father died and the trust took over. It's so ridiculous, it seems unlikely. And that may have been because it was never happening. By which I mean, around this time there were a lot of other weird things. My mail was suddenly canceled, the mail carrier said because she heard my father had died and she thought that was the logical thing to do. But probably a more likely reason for all of those things was that Eric, and whoever else was involved. My psychiatrist, and the police my former therapist admits. So that I wasn't admitting that, even though I am law-abiding and a very good person. That these people were finalizing their plans towards me. Like I said, the threat of my being put away some place, and some place people in my life always went out of their way to emphasize would be very unpleasant, has been taking place all my adult life. But after 2004 it started taking more of a real form. The threat to take my car certainly wasn't just an empty threat. It almost happened, endangering my life and safety, until that guard was shot. So that is more likely of an explanation than that Eric would be chauffeuring me around for the rest of his life, to all the places I needed to go. And now that threat kind of continues. Now after last summer, I know the police can come to take me away in cuffs. Even when I am not a danger to myself, even when I am very stable and doing well. Independent and managing my life well, no thanks to them and how they left me now. Even then, even when I am just trying to relax and enjoy and evening at home that can happen. I will never truly be at peace, I will never know for sure. If they were at least trying to resolve this nightmare, if they at least gained my trust early on, though obviously we all know now they never deserved it, if they at least took responsibility for what they did. You know, do the right thing. The thing we were all supposed to learn early on, and abide by even when we can get away with it and even when no one is looking. But nothing like that is happening. And much as in the past, it could lead me to panic some day. For the same reason any trying situation like this would lead to panic. Because the threat is real, and I know who I am dealing with and what they are capable of. But I told my approach from now on. I do not want to end up inpatient ever again, and I mean it. I don't need their help, especially not the kind of help they gave me in 2004 and last summer. And it was all their fault and all their fault alone. I am not prone to panic, I am not suicidal. Quite the contrary, for both those things. That will always be my approach, that will always be my answer to anyone who tries to give me that kind of disgusting help me that way ever again. And I won't make the mistake of 2004. Next time I will tell them all that is going on in my life at the time, all the real and suspected abuse, and how it led to that if it ever happens again. Because I may never find peace or any quality of life living that way, but I can have satisfaction spending the rest of my life exposing them, for all the world to see.