My Uncle Al.

Like I said, my Uncle Al had some serious problems as a child. Psychological issues that led to him being institutionalized at age 4. At a place called the "orphanage". I only later found out that orphanage in the 1940s meant public institution for the intellectually disabled and mentally ill. Where the people there often lived under deplorable conditions. His best friend there was an intellectually disabled man. And he was never wanted, which was also rather sad. At one dinner his wife hinted that he might have even been the product of marital rape. And his mother, for one, totally rejected him and never wanted to have anything to do with him. He had his mastoid bones removed as a baby and he was almost blinded and made deaf. He didn't hear voices or have delusions, but we used to say in the family he had psychological problems and was borderline mentally handicapped. His personality was very bizarre, but he was very outgoing socially. And people seemed to like him, though some found him kind of amusing too they'd say. He only completed the fourth grade and he had problems with simple things like math and even telling time. That could have been psychological, but I don't know. He couldn't fill out the simplest form and he really couldn't take care of himself financially. His wife handled all of that, though he did have a lot of money inheriting it from his father who was a wealthy pharmacist. He was one of the success stories of that time. He was released around 1941 when people were being put there in record numbers. Like I said, I found out a while back that the intellectually disabled too had their own period of deinstitutionalization in the US that came around the time of the mentally ill. His aunt, Aunt Tack as he called her, believed in him and helped to support him with things like finance and getting a job when his parents rejected and avoided him like I said. He was very fortunate to have found my aunt, my Aunt Grace, too. She loved and stuck by him when most women would have left him long ago. He was making his way in this world, with a wonderful job with the union at GM (he operated the elevator there until the early 80s when he retired). And he found my aunt as I said, who was another wonderful thing in his life. And to make his life complete he wanted to have a child. But it didn't work out between the two of them, until a man at work told him that when you want natural children in the family and you're having problems with that it's helpful to adopt a child. So he and his wife went to the adoption agency in the US and they told him absolutely not. We will not give you a child, you're an unfit father, which also enraged him at this point that they would say that to him. So someone innocently suggested they go to Canada where the rules for adoption are different. And they went to Toronto to get my adopted cousin, still a baby at this point. But he cried the whole airplane flight back, which already annoyed him. And he cried the whole night in their apartment then. He was outraged at that point and wanted to get rid of him. But my family loved my adopted cousin and didn't want to get rid of him, so Al was frustrated. He started abusing him and using every opportunity to do cruel things to him. He'd blow up at him in public if he just did innocent things and he started avoiding him too. Never attending his graduations or first holy communions. But as we said, if there was anything where he was supposed to showcase what a wonderful father he was, he'd be there of course. His wife begged him to stop, but always short of going to the authorities of course. Finally she thought maybe some kind of counseling would work. An ordinary counselor would notify the authorities right away, so they started going to Catholic religious counselor, a monk as the story went. But that didn't make any difference at all naturally. And he kept complaining that they weren't getting rid of their adopted son fast enough like he wanted. Feeling he was the real victim, often using the saying "put a stamp on his *ss and send him back to Canada" or "back to Toronto", sometimes. And then finally at age 9 he started doing those horrible acts I hinted at earlier. Then at age 13 he found the adoption papers in his mother's room which just devastated him. But Al then took that opportunity to use that, and make sure he knew he was always against keeping him after the adoption. And then when he became a teenager he was still angry, and made it clear he couldn't wait for him to move out. One time he punched him in the mouth for talking back a little. Another time he was late coming home, possibly because by this time he was already having issues with alcohol and substance abuse. And when he met his father as he came home his father said, what are you doing here? Why did you come home at all? Which devastated him. He spent a short stay in a motel because he was hurt by it. But of course Al never apologized for it. Nor did he ever think at any point in his life he was a bad person. He was a good Catholic, he went to confession after each incident of abuse. So he could receive holy communion again. So I guess by the Catholic definition he was a good person. And he was always active in his church. Being the lecturer and building a friendship with one of the priests at one point.

And then in 1996 I became the focus of his rage, because he had to go out with me Sundays. He made sure I knew in whatever way he could. Talking loud enough so could hear as we approached the car in the morning. Saying he didn't like me, he thought I was selfish and had life way too good, that I was immature, that I always had to have my way, because I made him go out with us Sundays. Then one time I used the word explicitly and asked to go to 7-11 once when he was tired, and he never forgave me. He always brought up both once each Sunday, pretending to casually insert it into the conversation. And he told me the solution. I should be put away in a mental institution like he was. It made sense, and I deserved it he thought. They should pack my bags and send me up north like they did with him as a child, he said once. And he started turning his attention to mentally ill people in general, which he thought at that time were all his enemies therefore. The restaurant we went to had some mentally ill working or eating there, and he made sure I knew that he thought they were all smelly and dirty and weren't fit to live among us having a decent life. And he suddenly became interested in mental health issues around 1996. First my mental health, believing I should be locked away for good as I said. And in general like I just said, about how all mentally ill have life too good. Stick them in whatever place you can find. After Governor Engler closed down the mental hospitals jail cells were available. Then around 2004 or 5 he made sure I knew that that was the fate he wanted and had planned for me by then, jail or prison. And he told me once or twice that he was very disappointed that the process wasn't going as well as he had hoped. He thought I'd be put away by now. In prison after 2005, like I said. Also really quick: around 1996 or so, he started trying this new thing where he was trying to convince people he was a good father. It was obscenely false even he knew. I wondered if he wasn't delusional or something when he said that, but his wife told me no, he knows, he knows. Trying to start talking about it in public. We always had a rule in my family that even if he got away with what he did to his son, we would make sure he never forgot it. Or at the least never do something like that, tell the world he was a good father. But suddenly he wanted to change that rule. And his adopted son started going along with that around 2005, which I could never figure out. We'd be in public and they'd enthusiastically shake hands and then both smile and look over to see if I saw that. I guess because he told his son I was mean to him. As I told people I did let it slip once or twice that I thought he was a disgusting human being and his story should have turned out very differently, especially when mentally ill people who were good people lived so tragically by contrast. And that is how his story ended. Getting all he wanted and more, even getting his son to go along with him and lie and pretend they were good friends thus implying he was a good father. To get back at me for some reason, as I said. He eventually got bleeding on his brain and died in 2006. Also weird his son claims to have seen his ghost in the window as he was in the driveway of their home where he was living after his mother came down with dementia. I'm skeptical of ghost claims anyways, and that one doesn't make sense. If the Christian definition of the afterlife was true he wouldn't be wondering the world or haunting his old home. I think Christians would say his spirit would be in a very different location by then.