What's Happening?

Yeah, I had planned on getting some more writing done, and instead slacked off by screwing around on here and going for a walk.

Somewhere in there I had a chicken Caesar salad and it is making my GI tract feel like an amusement park

 

drinking beers, smoking weed, eating pizza ,smoking weed drinking beers beers..

 

Sounds good to me. But I haven't had a drink for a few days now or pizza. I'll smoke some weed shortly and head to all night supermarket. Going to make a BBQ tomorrow morning, have a couple coming around. I had KFC yesterday on the highway home. Been annoying my guts ever since.

 

15 dollars little man
Put that shit in my hand

 

I'm a big bag buyer. $15 wouldn't last me one day
I need the whole ounce.

 

I feel like I've spent my life running toward the edge of this cliff.

 

That doesnt sound good...talk to us Aeri. What's eating ya?

 

Then slow down. What's going on?

Like Mel said...talk to us.

 

Morning All......Beautiful Autumn Day Here......Predicted 30c.....So I'm Washing Blankets......

Winter Is Just Around The Corner......



Cheers Glen.

 

I call it Depression but this morning I awoke realizing that it's Self-loathing.

I thought about why that exists and it's things that I don't forgive myself for.

I made a list and that ended up needing to be chronological.

All day, I've been stuck as the little girl that let sibling incest continue for 5 years because she wouldn't tell.

I'm just trying to un-fuck my head because I'm running out of distractions at this point.

 

Wow. That's some heavy duty baggage.

First of all, you can't blame yourself for the way you acted as a child. I don't know if you were involved or just aware of what was going on, but it doesn't matter. If you were a little girl, how you reacted in that situation is nothing to hate yourself over. You were a kid. Kid's don't know how to handle that.

Second, and I'm not pushing you off, but I really think that you should probably talk to a professional if you haven't already.

I don't want to say the wrong thing. But, I feel confident in saying, don't beat yourself up for something that happened as a little girl. Little girls are often subjected to fucked up shit. They don't know any better. You just because you know better now doesn't mean you should hate on yourself for what you didn't know then.

Is your husband or son around? You shouldn't be alone dealing with something like this.

 

Thanks.

Everything I've read today says what you said.

Yes, my husband is here and listens when I have something to say.

 

The world is fucked up.

And that is not your fault

 

I am so sorry, Aeri <3.

Neoprene is right, it isn't your fault, not even a little . I would echo her advice to seek some sort of professional guidance to help you sort it out. No good person (like you!) should have to hate themselves.

 

I dont have anything more to offer than to reiterate that it isnt your fault, but it truly truly isn't. You didnt "let" anything happen or continue as a little girl, you were just a little girl. That was something that happened to you, not something you caused. I agree a professional could help you sort through this and I hope you find peace <3

 

The Santa Clarita diet is my new favorite show.

 

My talented and successful friend from college who moved to Boston for an awesome top level position at a major sporting goods company just sent me a text message a little bit ago that said the following:

I wanted to let you know I love you and I am so happy we're friends and I think you're hilarious and the nights out aren't the same without you.

Honestly, I'm very moved by his text . But this does not sound like something he'd say at all. Some of the best times we had were the nights we'd hit the bars and go out as a group. This guy and I have similar senses of humor. He has a niche for jokes where we ridiculed and made fun of each other in joking ways.

He is on the opposite side of the country. We hung out last February when he came to Portland to visit his family. And I made the 4 hour drive to see him that weekend. I have a sense that I'm doubting that it was him who wrote this message. He's kind of a hard ass at times and using "love" loosely like that is not like him at all. He's the type of guy who still cracks gay jokes so loosely.

Maybe I have a bromance going on the horizon with this guy.

I'm not sure how to respond back to him...

 

Aerianne, im going to send you a pm.

 

Same! It is hysterical

 

Just watched Silent Rage. As old as it is, this was still a good movie, and Chuck Norris is awesome!