I can't resist touching her. Please don,t judge me.

I am kind of confused how to play this one. I manipulated this woman. I used mental tricks to subdue her. I am practically domineering and have control over her. The thrill I get from touching and rubbing this woman through her satin and silk clothes is so powerful. It makes me feel invincible -- it makes me feel like I might never have to feel ashamed or insecure again. But she is straight and won't sleep with me no matter how much i fondle her. If i go any further i might end up in jail for assault. What do you think? Do i have a chance with her?



I can be confidant in some situations and very very shy and nervous in other situations. When I feel like I have some authority or control over my responsibilities I can be very confidant.

 

I'm one of those ugly ducklings that never turned into a beautiful swan. I never like the way I looked so Im self-conscious about myself. 3 times yesterday in the space of an hour, random strangers walking past me said things along the lines of "ugh look at that ginger midget", "eww look at her", "lol look at that". I've always hated the way I looked ever since I was a child and could see the way other more attractive kids were treated better than me all throughout elementary school, middle school, high school and college. Yes I've been treated badly, insulted by strangers, made fun of, bullied, and excluded. Of course I try not to let all that bring me down, because although I try not to care what other people think of me.. I do care about what I think of me. And whenever I look in the mirror at myself, I look absolutely hideous in my eyes, I feel so much self-loathing and disgust that I can't really explain into words. I may have some days where I feel beautiful, and confident but as soon as I happen to glance into a mirror when I'm walking anywhere or go to the bathroom, I realize exactly how ugly I am. Especially when I am around women --tall curvy beautiful ultrafeminine women, I feel more and more uglier.

 

Stop trying to help her. She doesn't want help.

 

Sometimes people act like they don't want help, as a cry for help

 

It's not easy walking around on Gods green earth with this face. In the past after talking to some gay women I've been told I am the most hideous woman they have ever seen to put it in the nicest terms I can. They used words much more hurtful than that. I am in a website to meet gay women, and seems I am very ugly because no one talks to me there.

 

I find that a little hard to believe

 

None of the women that I like like me back. Call me shallow, but I don't believe that anyone could truly wake up next to a person every morning and go "she is ugly...but I LOVE her personality"....Physical attraction has to be there. It’s horribly miserably lonely. I can’t tell you how many night’s I’ve cried myself to sleep alone, because I thought I couldn’t handle another day of being alone and unloved. Over time, you get numb to it. You stop feeling happy - ever. You just kind of go dead to the world. If you’re lucky enough to have other talents, you might pour yourself into those.

 

You said first page you had had a 13 yr relationship, how long ago did that end?

 

My relationship ended 16 years ago. My ex left me because she found herself attracted to someone else. The break up was respectful and I respect her for breaking it off with me before she "did anything" with other woman. She told me it was because it didn't feel the same as when we first started dating and said she couldn't see us together anymore.

 

Christmas guts me every year. My loneliness is exacerbated by the holidays. I also find that I get more melancholy during the holidays and as the year winds down because it's a reminder that time is passing.

 

Don't have time to read all of this thread

You're massaging some hot chick. She likes being massaged. I don't see the problem.

 

I am still massaging this touchable woman. She is always looking forward to the " healing touch releasing body energy massage session" which is sort of like a very gentle massage while she is standing usually after the meetings(during the meetings i always sit behind her and rub her shoulders and back) . I want to stop this. But i just can't. She is so radiant and tall and big and soft. And I feel so guilty. I am aroused by rubbing her. I have grown accustomed to it. I am too sexually attracted to her. I just can't help myself because this is the way that I am, this is how my body react to her and her shiny satin and silk clothes.She is extremely fashionable, elegant, glamorous, and classy. Please don’t be grossed out. I feel so guilty but i just can't stop touching this woman. I love her height and her curvy stature. Standing next to me she looks like a giant. I know this sounds strange and maybe even a bit sick to some. Also she is always dressed in satin an silk clothes which doesn't help the situation.
She is standing stiff as a board while i am "freeing energy in her body". We became best friends and while she is totally straight , she is also extremely eager to hug me. I am not JUST hugging her ; i am freaking HOLDING HER, caressing her hair as i happily snuggle my face on her massive soft breasts (my head is exactly the level of her breasts) so It feels absolutely wonderful to have her arms wrapped around me, and I simply wrap my arms around her waist in return. So it feels good . That is how we hug standing up. Before and after the meetings i am always hugging her around her waist.Sometimes several hugs in a row.Often before the meetings on the parking lot I wrap my hands around her waist, tight from behind and hug her in a way that she can't move. I also always place my hand on her butt when i stand beside her.I just touch her big ass and leave my hand there. Also i slap her ass as a way of saying hi.

I know that I shouldn't do it but it is difficult to resist the urge to touch her. I am very attracted to her but only in a sexual way. We talk quite a lot. Two weeks ago she referred to me as her best friend? We text each other all the time. She is like a child, needing constant approval about anything she does. There's always guys flirting or asking her for her number. When she goes out in public guys start talking to her and subtly try to ask her out. She mentions that she has a husband but some of them wont go away. She gets hit on a lot by guys, which makes women she is around jealous for some reason. She has an overwhelming amount of attention from men. And she is 100% straight. She would never want to kiss a woman. She is very sexually attracted to men. She is completely the opposite to a homophobe... but she is literally 100% straight. She says that after every "session" she is is both delighted and relaxed. She thinks that my touch is not sexual at all. She is unresponsive to my touch seually. Usually when my hands are all over her"freeing energy in her body" , she basically just sit/stand pretty stiffly. She is 100% straight and has always been attracted to men.

But she is sooo arrogant. She never misses a chance to point out the fact that I'm much shorter than her. She ALWAYS goes on about how great she is and lists all these things she loves about herself... or she "critisises" herself in an attention seeky way saying things that are CLEARLY good positive things as negative e.g. "OMG I have such big boobs! I can't believe my boobs are sooo big and I hate it big boobs are horrible" She is constantly gazing in the mirror and listing all these things she adores about her appearance. It's just so shallow and superficial! When I call her she often talks about herself.
Every conversation is about her.



She is rich. After getting to know her I just realized how lucky she is, she gets to holiday in fancy islands and other places twice a year. She goes to fancy dinners with her husband at least two to three times a week, she's literally not had to worry about anything in her own life.

 

You need to make something up in case she finds out. Like, maybe you ARE gifted at the healing touch. But didn't you tell her you were a professional or something? I would start a phony business or something just so that, whatever goes down, it won't look sexual. Just so you can say you really were trying to heal her.

 

I LIED to her that i am an amateur healing touch therapist. I manipulated this woman. This touchable woman is convinced that i am helping her. She says that touch has incredible healing power. She thinks that my touch is not sexual at all. And this woman is physically stronger than me . She is 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.I am masculine but i am 5ft2 tall and skinny.She is always on high heels i am always in flat shoes.Standing next to me she looks like a giant.I am physically completely harmless.

 

Well, you're fine, then. You can definitely just say you are an amateur healing touch therapist. I bet you're even doing her some good. You wouldn't believe the power of suggestion. She believes she is being healed, so she is being healed.

 

I actually feel sorry for you. Clearly the woman likes your company and enjoys physical contact, some of which is sexual, but she is married and has a family.
She just seems to be using you without an once of commitment on her part, which in my opinion is very selfish. However, by telling her that you are an amateur healer, you are playing right into her hands.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but what you are doing is little different to having an affair with a married man.
I cannot see any long term future for you in this somewhat unusual situation. So my advice to you, would be to run the situation down before you get badly hurt.

 

I think now she is just using this thread to get herself worked up

Ifyaknowaddaimean

 

You mean she's like, using it as exercise?