He’s gone back to his wife

Maybe.. But you and morrow purely speculating here. I have heard of situations, in fact just spent the summer living through one, where a guy leaves partner for someone else and then regrets it, so MAYBE he was cheating, but there is nothing I see in this story to suggest it.

OP makes it sound like they spent a lot of time together, staying up all night talking etc. I actually believe the story at face value, on instinct. But nothing to prove you aren't right. *shrug*

 

Whatever the back story is - It seems that the advice that Dvjesb9 wants by posting this - is predominantly to Move on.
Although difficult, ''That's the way"

 

And you could be right as well. I’ve seen plenty of my female friends get hurt this same way, but you make a valid point. This is one of those things where one size doesn’t fit all, explanation-wise. I just hate to see her hurt over this.

 

Seems like I started quite a debate!

He was 100% separated from her, living apart etc I know this for sure.
He told me he is going to try and forget her mistake (the cheating)... Personally I think he’s gone back because she is very financially secure, he’s struggling.

 

He therefore can't think much of you then - don't you think this is the case?

 

Maybe not? I don’t know, he decision caught me so off guard that I haven’t really been thinking straight.

 

I would say definitely not maybe.
It is hard and whilst still fresh, it can mess one's emotions up, but better now than further down the line when children may have been involved. Focus on the future and aim for better things = IMO

 

Wow, he’s going to regret that. He’s going back for the support, she will be in control and do whatever she wants. What woman really wants a man who can’t financially support himself? Hear me out, because I’m speculating again: I wonder if this is why she cheated in the first place?

 

In my experience money is rarely the sole factor in causing a partner to cheat. It can be one of the factors but usually there is another such as the excitement of seeing someone new with perhaps different and or more exciting aspirations .Its a similar to the feeling you got with a new girlfriend/boyfriend in ones dating days. It is difficult to beat and my MO is to try and explain that it will be just a short term gain normally.

The main damage is the trust side of things . This has to be rebuilt again if the old relationship survives after the initial affair. However things will never be the same and the element of distrust will linger on in the background.

 

She will probably never know the truth. The 'my wife cheated' is the oldest one in the book.
It is far from impossible that their is no wife and he just plays the field and moves on every few months. I wonder what she REALLY knew about him, obviously no addresses, Even his name could have been fake.
The internet plays right into the hands of these guys (and a few women). They have multiple social online accounts and switch between them as they please.

 

You could say the same thing about forums as well . You have know idea if they are genuine or not . There are a couple on here I am not sure about and I dare say they could say the same about me..

 

Take a look at the reply that I have just posted to Wolfe Angel. This sort of situation is all too common and heartbreaking for the victim.

She needs to look back and ask herself some serious questions, such as.
Did she ever meet any of his friends and family.
Did they ever discuss his work.
Did they ever socialize in a group.
Last, but not least, was he financially contributing to the relationship.

I an not saying that my hypothesis is always the case. but life can be very cruel at times.

 

But what difference if she did or didn't?
I know things aren't always what they seem, but for some reason this one strikes me as true at face value.
And even if it isn't, the position of OP is the same really.. it's over. There's no reason to look deeper here, or to speculate.

 

Well you could argue that the OP didn't get closure.

On the flip side of the coin you could argue that's what you get messing with a married person .

 

What you say is true, but on a forum peoples lives are not torn apart if a person turns out to be fake or runs for the hills.
Their are a few HF members who I have doubts about and sometimes wonder if more than one of them is the same person. I am particularly suspicious of those who cant manage to keep track of their gender. Then their are the fetish groups who use forums such as this simply because they can't spend all day at work or with their friends talking about their feet. I feel that most of these guys are genuine. Their are only a few members, such as Erik, Glen and Morrow who I feel are open and completely honest in every way.

 

Fucken good on him I say.
Whether right or wrong, or whatever mistake he found his morals. Good on him.

 

True, but also that she only didn't get closure IF there are lies and things she doesn't know. If it's exactly what he says, that he has changed his mind about leaving wife, etc, then what else is there.

 

That is true.

I am usually on the other end of these types of situations in trying to put the initial parties of the core relationship back together . I rarely have sympathy with the other party that interfered as then I can be seen as taking sides . Its very important that I remain impartial and work with the couple .

In this situation I kind of do sympathise with the OP as it has gone on for so long and I don't feel she got full closure.