Let's talk.

A girl walked up to the information desk in her local hospital and said, "I need to see the upturn, please."

"I think you mean the intern, don't you?" asked the nurse on duty.

"Yes," said the girl, "I want to have a contamination."

"Don't you mean examination?" the nurse questioned her again.

"Well I want to go to the fraternity ward, anyway."

"I'm sure you mean the maternity ward."

To which the girl replied, "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination; fraternity, maternity... What's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months and I think I'm stagnant."

 

What we all get wrong about the Mayflower

Interesting read.

 

very good. The results and parallels can be seen today. For those who wish to look.

 

“A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis are sitting at a bar complaining about their lives. The cucumber says, "My life sucks. I'm put in salads, and, to top them off, they pour ranch dressing all over me. My life sucks." The pickle says, "That's nothing compared to my life. I'm put in vinegar and stored away for months, out of sight. Man, my life is boring. I hate life." So the penis says, "What are you guys complaining about? My life is so messed up that I feel like shooting myself. They constantly wrap me in a plastic bag, shove me in a cave, and make me do push-ups until I throw up."

 

Is it wine time?

 

Yes.

 

You are wearing my knickers again. lol

 

I have a thing for pussy and knickers. It cant be helped.

 

You been sniffing again. lol

 

I am the sniffer champion.

 

haha we can sniff out trolls. lol

 

“A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that tiny hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to slip the dying worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from Grandma.

 

Trolls have the distinctive scent of BS.

 

A couple married thirty years were revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. Driving through the secluded countryside, they passed a farm with a tall fence running along the road. The woman said, "Sweetheart, let's do the same thing we did here thirty years ago." The guy stopped the car. His wife backed against the fence, and they made love like never before. Back in the car, the guy says, "Darling, you sure never moved like That thirty years ago, or any time since that I can remember!" The woman says, "thirty years ago that fence wasn't electrified!"

 

A woman had been eyeing up a body builder she'd been watching at the gym. So she went over to him and asked "so, come on then, how big's your chest?"

He replied "72 inches, all the way round"

"Wow, so" she asked "what about your biceps?"

"26 inches" was the reply.

"Come on then" she said, "how big's your dick?

"2 inches"

She giggled slightly aghast, saying "you do all that working out for hours a day, and all you've got is 2 inches?"

"Yeah, but that's from the floor"

 

“teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, there are two left, but I like how you're thinking." Then Johnny asks the teacher, "You see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor. One is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream. Which one is married?" And the teacher responds, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're”

 

“were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied. "What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second”

 

I now understand that you posted this.

 

“Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business and one of the hookers said, "Yep, it's gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air." The other hooker looked at her and said, "No, no. I just burped.”