My Beloved suffered a concussive TBI in a high-speed collision a year and a half ago. Among all of the other sequelae we've had to deal with, the head injury switched off her sexuality like throwing a circuit breaker. She'd always had a very robust. unblushing, and joyous sex drive, and her sexuality and role as a lover figured more prominently in her sense of Self and self-worth and self-esteem than either of us realized; among all of her other losses she's suffered as a consequence, she grieves this one very deeply. While I try to provide her with all of the non-sexual intimacy I can, it's tough, and not to minimize her suffering, but from my perspective, the notion of being celibate forever is pretty bleak. (No; she's not even slightly amenable to any sort of "open" relationship, and I won't abandon her.)
Wow. That's a tough situation. I want to give you props for not abandoning her. This is something you both will have to learn to move forward with. It's a tough situation. I've known someone that got a head injury and suffered similar from a car crash. I hope you two find a way. An open relationship is not for every couple but at the same time the thought of your needs to be highly discussed. The intimacy is half of a relationship and has to be met somehow....
Her oft-stated solution is not to open the relationship but to end it, so that I can go find someone who isn't "broken", and she can commit suicide without emotionally fragging me in the process. She says that the only reason she hasn't killed herself yet is that I'm holding her so tightly by the belt buckle that she can't get me out of the emotional blast zone. So here I stay; joined at the hip, until she can put the pin back in that grenade.
That's awful. Sorry that you and she are going through this. One of the things that frequently recommend is acupuncture and traditional Chinese herbal medicine. I don't know for sure that it would help, but it might be worthwhile checking into this. Does her doctor know about the sexual symptoms that she's had? Does her doctor know that she's suicidal?
@Piobaire , I just updated my threads on alternative treatments and self-treatment methods Alternative Treatments for Physical and Mental Illness Self-Treatment Methods for Physical and Mental Health
It sounds as if either her body is not producing estragon, or her brain is not responding to it. I would completely agree with trying alternative natural cures, along with more traditional western methods. Although doctors accept more alternative methods these days, it will still be a long time before they become less of an either/or situation.
Psychological therapy is a must with this situation. The loss of sex drive is not the issue, being suicidal is. She must have some help to correct the mental strain she is placing on herself. After reading many of the OP's posts I feel this is the best way to approach her lack of desire, not only sexually but in living to life at its fullest. This is best solved with a professionals help and not here on this forum.
Quite so. She says that she reached an epiphany; that I deserved better than how she'd been treating me. I suspect that she actually scared herself, but whatever; she suddenly developed the impetus to see a new doctor, start therapy, and start on several medications (cannot overemphasize how huge that is for her; she hates drugs and loathes pharmaceutical companies); as far as I'm concerned, Cymbalta is a bona fide miracle drug. She says that openly discussing her suicidality with others has robbed it of much of it's power, but make no mistake; while not as compelling, the ideation's still there. She's also being treated concomitantly for her inflammation and neurogenic pain; any reduction in which has got to be good for her head as well.
At the very least, she has an "adjustment disorder." If you, and the prescribed medication, and her other treatments can keep her going long enough to keep her from despair or self-medication with harmfully addictive substances, the shock of better-life-before and worse-life-after the event of the collision will fade. For life changes such as she's experienced, 18 months is really not long at all, and her continuing ideation is not surprising to me at the18-month mark. I'd estimate that 5 years is a more realistic amount of time in which she'll see an acceptable future with her physical situation, unless her physical situation dramatically improves before then, and it may not ever improve. My guess is that the unrealistic and unacceptable prospect of her "starting over" in her diminished state is what led her to think of suicide in connection with the ending of your relationship. The facts that she talked about it with you in detail and that she is talking about it with others now is a good sign. People who are most serious about suicide don't discuss it - they just do it. She's trying to find a way forward. Even if she never rules it out completely, having her back-burner that option is real progress. For your sexual release, there's nothing wrong with discreet self-pleasure. If you're fine with that, tell her so.
