Out and Old

I totally agree with you, Papa Smurf. Yes, I do have a very strong gay sexual side, that maybe watches and jerks off to too much gay porn, and writes a lot about it and my fantasies, and hooks up with guys through my online profile and gay sex venues like bathhouses. But a few years ago when I finally accepted more than ever the gay side of myself, the mostly-gay side of myself, I began seeing men differently. I not only began being attracted to men with their clothes on in every day life, just like with women, but I began to feel closeness and crushes on guys that had nothing to do with their bodies or genital area.

I have many gay friends now through a gay Facebook social group that meets twice a week in a couple of cities close to me. They are an amazing group of guys, and I connect with so many of them. I finally feel like myself, and can let myself be real among them (though I do keep hidden from them my still existing attraction to women). And I feel friendship. And one of them I really like, and he really likes and cares for me. He has a gay partner, so I won't let anything too deeply happen with him, even though they have an open relationship (the three of us have stroked each other's cocks simultaneously a bit in their backyard swimming pool once, and another time at a nudist resort his partner sucked my cock a bit; but I don't think I want this to go much further for ethical reasons, even though I fantasize about it). I just don't do that, and go out of my way to ensure I only have sex with single guys.

But I feel cared for by him, by another man, and I can't tell you how wonderful this feels. And I care for him, and I'm kind to him. It's like the relationship I would like to have with another man someday, one who is free to enter into a closer relationship with me. I wasn't sure initially that I wanted this, thinking only about finding a regular fuck buddy, a friend with benefits--instead of just casual sex with a different hookup all the time. And I've had such terrible luck in the only two serious relationships I've had, who were with women, both very tumultuous rollercoaster relationships that were so painful. Will it be the same with a man? But I think I'm in love with this man, so maybe it's something that I do want, an actual boyfriend.

 

It's funny you say that, Papa Smurf. There was this other guy in my gay social group that I also developed a strong crush on, and I thought he felt the same. We would always be gazing deeply into each other's eyes, and he would always be doing these kind of things for me, and I was always looking out for him and encouraging him in his graduate work (he's half my 60 years). One day a bunch of us from the group were at a Christmas party at this gay couple's place, and at the end of it he invited me to go dancing at a nightclub with him alone. This was another indication that I thought he was interested in me, in a romantic and sexual way, and I happily agreed.

I guess it was the age difference, because the club was playing the techno music that sounds like just one song with the same beat playing for hours, something I didn't care for. But there we were, at a straight club (there are no gay bars in the Niagara region), two men fast dancing together. But I didn't care. I was being my gay self finally, out in the open. I wasn't in the best of shape (it was over a year ago), and I'm still not, but, at 60 years of age at the time, I managed to keep up with him for two hours, sweating my ass off. But when I dropped him off at his place, and it looked like he wasn't going to be inviting me in, I tried to kiss him good night, but he turned his head so I got a head full of hair, and I heard him say, "Ohhh", like he was just discovering that I liked him in a way more than a friend. Damn! My crush didn't diminish after that in the months after, because I had such strong romantic and sexual feelings for him still (OMG, he had the cutest small, twink body you can't imagine, and an ass that I lusted for beyond your imagination). But he finally found a boyfriend and stopped coming. That's probably for the best.

But in conclusion, my point is that I didn't let the Old Man in, and even went clubbing with a 28 year old boy. And, even though I'm about to turn 62, and like someone else said above, I seemed to have aged 15 years as soon as I hit 60, I'm still doing lots of young stuff with both my gay and straight friends. That's because I AM still young! And I hope to have a long, and, FINALLY, very gay life ahead of me.

 

So much of this resonates with me. While I’m not out as a bisexual man in m mid 60’s I’ve retired and my wife and I decided we…or I should build a house for us. During this process we have grown closer, it seems we have a common goal that has invigorated our relationship including our sex life. I’m in better shape than I have been in years because I’m working my ass off every day. My oldest grandson of 18 years is with me many of the days I am working on it. Honestly we are having the time of our lives. We have always been close but we are getting closer working together every day. These are cherished days for me for sure. So the old man is being out run these days, I feel like I’m keeping him at bay at least for now. I know someday He’ll sneak up on me. But that day isn’t here yet.

 

Good for you, @Windman! Enjoy these times with the love of your life!

 

How fortunate for you Papa Smurf! I envy you, but are rejoice in your good fortune and fun play with these younger guys. I like all men, and have a lot of fun having sex with them (but nowhere near enough sex as I would like to, lol, especially the beauty of fucking each other--beyond oral). But there is something special about young men in particular, their bodies and their energy and the bright outlook they have on life ahead of them, and especially I'm sure when the younger men are interested in you. Besides the 22-year-old twink who I lost my gay virginity with, as a top, in a bathhouse when I was 51, I'm looking forward to a young man like that for the first time in "real life". I would ravage his body like you can't imagine!

 

I sincerely feel for all of you being crushed by time and loneliness.

But (Tough Love™ alert!) some of that is you.

You aren't Helen Keller in her dotage. As long as you can move, move. Get out there because love, sex, and friendship ain't going door to door looking for you.

And don't offer up excuses why you can't. You don't have to join a tennis club. Peruse the library and the people in the library. Take a class. Volunteer. Teach a class, using all that experience you've sucked up.

Your chances aren't over if you're breathing.

I turn 69 (ooo...auspicious?) in the very near future and I'm powering ahead by will even though my knees will soon be bone grinding on bone. Fuck "Going gentle into that good night"!

I'll admit I was overwhelmed for a while when the woman I couldn't even image existed (but she did and she married me!) died 11 years ago next month. But I got going again and here I am. Life is not about our falling, it's about us getting back up again. Even if we are hella slower these days!

I don't date as much or have as much sex as I used to, but I still do both. Just hella slower. And I avoid things that put me on my knees: I'd be whining the whole time.

I know I'm going to die: I'm working to ensure that it's while doing something really daring and impressively stupid.

Two last things...argue for your limitations and, sure enough, they're yours. (A friend of mine said that before he put it in his book.)

And...thinking you're done boosts you down that very road.

I'm done now.

 

I was in a similar situation and decided to end the lie (marriage) rather than continue to suffer. I was literally dying inside and made the decision to save myself! I too was lonely and dated a few guys, almost married one too but commitment was his weakness.

Fast forward a couple years and I’m happy in my second marriage to my amazing husband!

Whatever you do, don’t give up! There’s definitely an amazing man out there for you!