Bi men and aging

It all takes a man. And if, by chance, you're not old enough to really understand this, there's no help for you... and I'm sorry about that.

 

Right on, my friend....tell it like it is!

 

Is there any other way to tell it?

 

Thought for the day:

We often hear the old expression:

"With age comes wisdom"

If that is the case, then why are there still so many closeted senior bisexual men, still too afraid of exploring their long-denied, deep-seated desires to be with another man sexually?

Look at married guys who cheat on their wives, having sex with other women......no sweat.

BUT.......to cheat on your spouse by having sex with another MAN?

Hey, the wife is going to freak out ANYWAY if she finds out about hubby's on-the-side screwing around, regardless of the GENDER of his "on-the-side" partner

Unless, of course, the wife already KNOWS of her husband's bi side........

 

You'd either have to be married or in a long-term relationship to understand the power of monogamy in our society and the utter shame one can be subjected to in wanting something or someone other than the one you're with. It is forbidden. Unmarried couples are held to the same standard as legally married couples are. Then it must be considered the amount of loss one could face if, by chance, their partner finds out and has a queen bitch hissy fit. Monogamy doesn't give anyone an out other than to throw away your relationship and all a guy has to do is think about throwing away a 30-year relationship and what it's going to cost him financially when she files for divorce and, well, maybe you can understand why so many men are afraid of exploring those desires and taking care of needs that a woman is ill-equipped to deal with (other than tell you to suffer with them being unfulfilled). Even if she knows he's bi, she is very likely to make it very clear that he'd better not even dream about getting some dick as long as they're together... or else and no guy, married or just shacking up with her wants to find out what "or else" is going to mean.

Imagine yourself in a relationship with the love of your life and, one day, you tell him that you've been thinking about having sex with a woman because it's what you feel you need to do. Unless he's really understanding, you're about to get your ass reamed out and not in a good way and, what the fuck - are you telling me that I'm not enough for you and you gotta do some shit like have sex with a woman? Not only are you a cheater but you're a traitor to the gay cause!

And the truth is... no, he isn't and he's not very likely to understand what I'll call "basic human nature" and the mistake and error that the tenets of monogamy makes is that it is unrealistically unreasonable to believe that one person can take care of every need their partner is ever going to have. So, guys in a relationship have the choice of doing nothing about their desires or... cheating to be able to take care of them. Go through the forums and see how many guys are trying to get their woman in on their bisexuality stuff or how many of them are trying to find out how to ask her for permission to get the dick they need and, yes, how horribly afraid that she's going to find out and, welp, that's not ever going to go well for him.

Wisdom doesn't have a fucking thing to do with this except maybe wishing you knew in advance that you shouldn't have gotten into a relationship with this person if you could know that years down the road, they'd diss you for wanting something they can't do a goddamned thing about because they are, again, ill-equipped to handle things. And if you think that a guy who cheats on his woman to have sex with another woman is - how did you put it? - no sweat? You clearly don't know anything about women. She's more likely to "forgive" him for getting a blowjob from a guy before she forgives him for getting one from another woman. Then again, she probably won't forgive him for letting a dude blow him so that'll be a lose/lose situation for him either way.

 

KD23:

What I MEANT to say was, if a "straight" guy learns that his best bud (or even just a workmate) is cheating on his wife with a woman, chances are he ain't going to be shocked.

BUT, if this friend found out his pal was cheating on his wife with another MAN, well, then, THIS could be interesting.....how will the "straight" friend take it, knowing his pal is not only cheating on his spouse, but also, with another MAN.

Certainly, being a celibate gay male, to say I know NOTHING about women is indeed one helluva understatement.

Then, again, I know nothing about ANY sort of a relationship, period.

Too, you are far more wise to the "ways of the world" than I will ever be.

And, when I see how two-faced and untrustworthy so many people can be, I am MORE than glad to simply sit on the sidelines.

Even I know that, if you cannot put TRUST in another person, there can be no "stable" or "meaningful" relationship, platonic OR sexual.

No, I've been burned too many times in m/m (platonic) relationships, mainly because I gave too much of myself and have always been VERY emotionally vunerable.

Yeah, I will admit up front that I've missed out on a lot in my nearly 70 years, BUT, at least I STILL have my dignity AND my self-respect intact, and, also, have ZERO worries about ever being bashed again, nor do I have to fear being stabbed in the back by someone I liked and trusted, nor do I have to worry about being exposed to any and all STDs.

If nothing else, I have inner peace within me, and peace of mind always at my back..............

 

But some guys would be shocked - either way. Look, we know that men have forever been tagged as serial cheaters, and we just can't help ourselves which insults every man who stayed faithful to their partner until they either broke up or death parted them. Cheat on your wife with another woman? Shocking... but not unheard of. Cheat on your wife with a man? Hmm... shocking but the level of shock depends on what you did with him. He gave you a blowjob? Well, hmm, okay, I guess; you gave him a blowjob? Wow, Earl, I didn't know you were down like that! Kinda not okay but what's worse is you cheated on your wife with a man, and he fucked you like you were his bitch and... c'mon, Earl, what the fuck is wrong with you? I don't even know who you are anymore!

You can have all the trust in the world with each other and it won't mean jack shit after x-amount of time. See, we hold true that if you don't or can't trust the one you're with, there can be no meaningful relationship and... that's a lie because a lot of married and long-time-relationship people don't really trust each other - and for a slew of reasons, some petty, some not so much. Yet, their relationship, such as it is, endures and cheating is off the table unless a very serious transgression happens - and "traditionally," one person cheats and the one who got cheated on cheats back (which is a dumb move, actually) or what was once a good, working relationship is now in the hands of lawyers and divorce court judges.

Wise to the ways of the world? You betcha... because I've been the guy some married guy came to in order to fulfill his need to have sex with a man, whether it was his first or forty-first time. And I always want to know why he decided to cheat on his wife/partner (if the guy is gay) and, shit, I've heard so many reasons given that I can't remember most of them but it's just more proof that social norms don't stand a chance against human nature and our innate need for sex and intimacy with other humans. You'll have to message me to explain how one gets burned in a platonic relationship and a relationship where neither person risks anything other than a loss of friendship (and usually over some dumb shit).

Back to the straight buds for a last moment. If Dude A finds out that his boy, Dude B, is cheating on his wife Dude A is bound by the bro-code to not rat him out to the wife although I have heard of that happening and talk about a clusterfuck to end all clusterfucks! Shocked? Sure. Surprised? Dude A is thinking and maybe has told Dude B that this new pussy had better fucking be worth it and both guys knows what'll happen if - when - Dude B get caught. If Dude A suspects that Dude B is getting some on the side - but there's no proof that he's bonking some hot babe, there's only one other possibility and, whoa. Does Dude A go to his bro with his suspicions? Maybe because Dude B could easily lie to him (Nah, man, I ain't seeing nobody on the side - are you fucking crazy?). Even if Dude B comes clean and says he's been sucking cock, again, dude, ew... but you do what you gotta do and the bro code again says you do not rat him out - and as long as Dude B doesn't ask Dude A if he wants a blowjob (or if he wants to fuck Dude B in the ass).

Such is the drama we call life. You can be all up in it or, as you say and do, sit on the sidelines and free from the drama that the rest of us would pretty much do anything to be a part of. Surprisingly, a lot of people these days are all NIMBY about someone's sexuality as long as it doesn't affect or impact them; otherwise, more power to you and don't let your old lady find out. And, um, who knows? If Dude A has a bad day with his lady and needs some physical release, he knows his boy, Dude B, is down with sucking the D... and I won't tell if you won't, aight?

 

KD23:

Again, another outstanding, in-depth, and VERY insightful response; indeed, your keen and astute intelligence blazes forth yet again like a fury.....ain't NO ONE gonna pull the wool over YOUR eyes, pal.......hey, you KNOW "PUB" before it even enters the room!

NO ONE can mess with your "streetwise smarts", pal, that's for dang sure!

 

My mother didn't raise a fool, and I wasn't born yesterday. My curiosity drove me to find out why things work the way they do and that included bisexuality and even homosexuality since they're related - but still not the same thing and I've learned a lot of stuff about this via observation and diving in there and experiencing things so none of this is theory to me... and I feel a "duty" to share what I've learned and in a no-nonsense, real-deal way. I got drawn into the PUB as a youngster and while a lot of my peers went along with it, obviously, I didn't.

What is Mr. Jimmy thinking as he sucks my dick? What makes him want to suck dicks? Doesn't Miss Tina suck his dick? Isn't it interesting that he likes getting his dick sucked and like I do? What's the common denominator in this... and is there really some commonality going on? You have no idea the kind of questions that would pop into my head and would bug me until I found the answers to them - and on top of having to try to figure out girls, which was much, much harder to do, as it turned out.

It's not what you do if you're bi/gay - it's why you're bi/gay; what pushed you in this direction? Don't try to bullshit me with that "I was born this way" nonsense or trying to convince me that you have no choice in this or, worse, letting me smell your fear of doing something that if your mind doesn't know that you need to do it, your body does. I know enough to know that this isn't a game; it's not some kind of fetish; this is some serious, real-deal life stuff and if you don't know, you better ask somebody.

 

KD23:

As I've said previously elsewhere, man's lusts and need for sexual release, is, indeed, primal, and is most likely the strongest link between modern Man and his pre-historic ancestors.

You do not have to be an Einstien to know WHAT gets you HORNY and what you NEED to DO when you DO feel those powerful urges surging within you.

I've long maintained that, simply, SEX is SEX; as long as it involves adults and is consenual, what the hell difference does it make, if you're getting your rocks with another male, instead of a woman?

That powerul, raw urge inside you just wants SEX (and release)......and THAT, my friends, is all there is to it....

 

Yes, sex is sex and as long as you can get the sex you want and need but here's where common sense comes into play: Is giving in to the urge and lure of a hard cock worth putting yourself in potential dire straits? For a lot of men, the answer is a resounding, "No, it's not, sorry to say..." yet and still, pussy - while still the best thing ever - doesn't always scratch this particular itch and an itch that keeps demanding to be scratched. While it makes sense to be able to tend to your desires and needs, just don't be stupid about it and like too many men have wound up doing.

 

KD23:

I guess it's like the old saying:

"......any port in a storm........."

 

I've heard guys say that just before they take the head of my dick into their mouth... and it's an understandable sentiment. Some guys, when stuck in the doldrums, reach for a mallet so they can break the glass that has written on it, "In case of emergency, break the glass to get the dick." For many, this is a measure of last resort; they don't "prefer" to get their rocks off like this but... any port in the hormonal storm that is a man feeling horny. I don't know how many guys in desperate need have come to me to get them off - and they're willing to do anything if I'd let them bust a nut in my mouth or ass. And I'd want to know why they'd leave themselves "wide open" for anything I might want in return and when you take any port in a storm, well, there's no such thing as a free lunch.

Or the gay men who "got tired" of messing with gay men and their inherent drama and decided to give bi guys a try and despite bi guys being public enemy #1 to the gay community. And I've asked them, "If you 'know' that all bi guys are assholes and they'll just break your heart, why are you here with your hand cupping my balls?" Yeah, could be a mood killer but again, inquiring minds wanted to know. When we're done sucking the cum out of each other, I've had the gay guy ask me why I'm not gay and, I felt, part of a "price" to be paid sleeping with a bi guy and he's just a port in a storm.

When your dick is hard and you have that great need to slake your lust on someone, sure - any port in a storm will do but you'd better be aware of the consequences of your actions because, like a loaded gun, sex is nothing to be played with.

 

A VERY valid point, indeed.......certainly, as in many aspects of life (and, most especially, in anything sexual) there are consequences that MUST be taken into consideration, or there might be a heavy price to pay.

Sure, you want to get your rocks and bust a nut, BUT, to do so without considering possible consequences (especially if you are married) is to be totally foolhardy.....in this case, do NOT let your libido call the shots.....or you just MIGHT be sorry, afterwards................

 

Just thinkin'...............

Do NOT allow your LIBIDO to overule your BRAIN (not to mention your common sense!)

After all, you are SUPPOSED to THINK (and REASON) with your BRAIN, and NOT your heat-seeking "pleasure pole"!

 

Oh, yeah - that one. The thing males have been told since Christ was a corporal: Think with the big head, not the little head. Seriously hard to do when you're young and puberty shows up to kick your ass and I never thought that any guy was ready for that... I know I wasn't but recall that I came from a time (and as you did, GG57) where parents did not talk to their children about sex-related facts of life except that bullshit about when you get older, your body is going to go through changes and... how about those Cowboys, huh? In those hormone-fueled days, you could run into situations where your upbringing to date is telling you to stay away from but that painful feeling in your balls - and an erection so hard that you feel as if it would break if you touched it - could convince you of... priorities that may or may not get you into trouble - and the trouble your parents might have foretold if you disobeyed their edict to keep it in your pants (or keep your legs closed).

Does that change when we get into adulthood? Yes. Nah, not always. Your libido says that you should fuck the woman who is clearly coming on to you and all but inviting you to hit the pussy but, oh, that's right - you're both married and definitely not to each other. The big head says, "Don't do it! You'd better not!" and the little head says, "Go on and hit that shit and we'll worry about shit later!" and while strong men will be able to walk away, libido wins this internal discussion and you're having mad crazy sex with a woman that you good and damned well know you shouldn't be having sex with but as long as there's no backlash or fallout from this moment of lust-fueled decision making, yeah - no harm, no foul.

It can be a very similar situation when one's sexual attention or an offer of sex comes from... the guy sitting next to you on the train as you commute to work or the guy who lives in the house or apartment next to you and, wait, you want to do what to my dick? But I'm not gay! Huh? What do you mean that you don't have to be gay to get a blowjob from a guy? Sometimes, the big head wins this argument, the offer is rejected and you hope you never see this guy again in life - and it'll be uncomfortable if he lives next door to you... but sometimes, the little head has to win this argument and any one of you who has faced this dilemma and "caved in to the temptation" this is not to say that you're weak or any of that social narrative bullshit but just like winding up at Motel 6 with the woman who you had the best sex of your whole damned life with, as long as there's no backlash or fallout from finding out that it's true - men do suck cock better than women and men finish blowjobs - no harm, no foul, and there might be some internal shit that'll have to be dealt with but rest assured that an untold number of men can, have, and will make those internal adjustments because the little head... isn't always wrong.

And the big head knows this, by the way and, again, an untold number of men find ways to keep listening to the little head - but letting the big head handle arrangements, security, and other necessary considerations. This is one of those long-standing warnings that does have a lot of truth to it; I know guys who listened to the little head and essentially fucked their life up because they didn't listen to the advice the big head was trying to interject. We almost always assume that the worst is going to happen, and we are willing to accept that the worse it can happen is the gospel truth, but.

How many guys get into the 50-70 age range and are now feeling rather maudlin because when they should have listened to the little head, they didn't and they'd let the big head rob and cheat them out of a lot of opportunities to do what they are wishing they could do today. Because I had the honor of giving a lot of guys their first experience with a hard dick, I learned to tell them this: Think first, then act if you must... or if you can. I learned that the guys who get into trouble because of the little head do so because they fail to really think things out; I learned that the guys who let the big head overthink a situation usually results in a missed opportunity and one that, again, when they're 65, they wish they had went on ahead and done it - and if they knew then what they knew now.

Most guys, I found, did know "then" what they still know now; I can only think of maybe five men who, for some reason, didn't have the "brain power" to figure out how he could get some dick without get caught or outed and a lot of them did figure it out and (a) they had an eye-opening, life-changing sexual experience or (b) they're still trying to figure out how they came up with the perfect plan to do this and... they didn't do it or shit they couldn't account for came along and fucked the whole deal up.

You gotta know when to listen to the little head and not let the big head talk you out of doing something that you want and need to do. A lot of what we're calling internal dissonance comes from arguing with ourselves because we're of two minds about stuff or, there's the way it's supposed to be but now you're faced with one of the ways it can be and it's not so much little head thinking as it is a guy mindfucking himself so he doesn't do something that he was told, decades ago now, never to do with a man. Or, yeah, do not ever let the little head do the thinking for you because if you do, you're going to get into very deep doo-doo and ruin your life - right?

This makes sense if you're risk-adverse and you believe that all the horror stories you've heard about men having sex with each other are not only true, but they're guaranteed to happen to you. Your little head is telling you that "Sean" wants to suck your dick; you know that you damned well need to have your dick sucked; your big head is screaming, "Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!" while telling you exactly how you can let Sean blow you and... nothing's gonna happen except he's gonna suck you off... and you go with the danger and do nothing and then think that you did yourself a favor while your brain starts thinking about all the shit that could have gone wrong if you had said yes and like the little head wanted and needed you to do.

Thinking first is the smart thing to do and if there's no way in hell that you can do it, then don't try to. If you're really that afraid of catching something nasty - and as your big head is trying to tell you will happen, then, um, condoms. Sometimes, you can do it and easily enough but... you shouldn't. Thanks, but catch me tomorrow? I got too much shit I gotta do today so if tomorrow will work for you, we can get busy then, okay? A big-time sigh to know that there's some truth about men being slaves to their libido and society deems this a very unmanly way to behave and as dictated by women, by the way. If you run headfirst into any situation without giving it a single thought, yeah, that could be a gigantic mistake and you realize that if you had taken a few extra seconds to do some thinking, the outcome would have been different - and this is the common sense stuff that, allegedly, guys our age are supposed to employ all day, every day.

Except, sometimes, we don't, or we can't because needs always must, and some needs must right the fuck now and "I'll do it some other time..." gets interesting since tomorrow isn't promised to anyone so defying the edict to always think with the big head... isn't going to take care of the need. You just gotta be smart about the who, what, where, when, why, and how of these things or, really, learn how to get your big and little heads to be on the same page...

 

KD23:

A truly OUTSTANDING response, perhaps your BEST to date!

Damn, you sure got your ACT together, in MORE ways than ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You'd make one helluva college professor (or physcoanlyst) for certain!

You KNOW "what's what" in life, for certain!

Again, EXCELLENT piece of writing!

 

Have to share the following..........

When I still was working, there was an "upstairs office" Italian guy (always treated me decently when I needed to talk with him on the job), then in his late 40s/early 50s; I had the hots for this guy BIG time, and STILL jack to fantasies about me nailing his hot little butt, but good!

Anyway, he was 100% into pussy (BIG surprise!); although he was married with daughters, he was carrying on several affairs, and was also a "regular" with the hookers in his area.

His entire world revolved around pussy, and nothing else.

He commented once to another guy I knew (about catching something nasty with all his carousing) and, I swear to God, his response was:

"I ain't queer; AIDS and that shit are for fags!" (I kid you not, here)

After I retired, I found out (through a fellow retired co-worker of mine) that his wife not only FINALLY called the sleazy SOB out, and went absolutely apeship; I also found out that they were sleeping in seperate rooms for years)

Well, he flew down for a couple of weeks in the Caribbean, and got "friendly" with some of the local hookers.

Well, to make a long story short, these encounters (coupled with all the fucking around he was doing at home) finally caught up with him, and he ended up with HIV, and God knows what else (his wife also caught him trying to flush cocaine down the toilet; she FINALLY divorced him.....about time, lady!)

Anyway, I've heard that this guy, at last report, is still dealing with some serious health issues, a direct result of his overall fucking around with any and all females available (condoms weren't for REAL men, to his way of thinking), and also, his drug addiction issues.

He was a TOTAL ass, period.

Look at how much he lost in life, by letting his DICK do all of his "thinking".

Lesson?

See what happens when the "little head" overrides what the "big head" is telling you?

SHIT happens......BIG time!

Yeah, it IS all pretty sad.....................

 

If I don't have my act together, the last 60 years of my bisexual life has been a waste of time. My introduction to bisexuality and sex with men opened my eyes to things in the world - and about life - that I wasn't supposed to find out about, then or even ever. But I did find out and like I've said, I had questions and as I got answers, I got more questions like why did the man whose lawn I cut every Saturday want to have sex with me when his wife was not only beautiful but an engaging woman? Sure, we had sex and for me, it was very good but it seemed to benefit him more and... I had questions. He loved his wife, and they still had sex... but he needed more than what she could provide and he even admitted to "thinking with the little head" when he first had sex with a guy (and behind his wife's back) and he spoke to have so many regrets and misgivings about making a rash decision and all I said to him was, "You can't change what has already happened so why have regrets?"

I've slept with guys who, on the surface, appeared to be impulsive in their decision to take the plunge and, after the fact, the "usual" guilty feelings, how they thought doing what we did was a good idea but now? Expressing regrets over thinking with the little head so on and so forth and... if the big head said not to do this, why do it? And the answer was, "Because they had to; they needed to." See, when you spend a lot of time having people asking you why guys go both ways - and why they just don't pick a side and stay on it - the answers tend to surprise them, and they learn that what they think as abnormal sexual behavior isn't abnormal at all.

But the way we look at it is very damned abnormal. Any of us who dares to have sex with a man gets to know and understand that we have to be ready to deal with the consequences of our actions and whether we got into this "situation" thinking with either head or even being a "victim of circumstance." As men, the thing that we have to do even for our own sanity is to be true to ourselves; we own the mistakes we make and without offering up excuses or hearing that voice in our head saying that we shouldn't have done something because we should know better.

Society thinks and believes that it knows what's better for us than we do. There are rules we must adhere to and no matter what might come our way, and we've come to believe that thinking with the little head is always wrong... and it might not be... and I'm the long-time practicing bisexual who has the nerve to say these things because someone has to and be for-real about it. As I've told so many men, this is not a game. Getting into this part of humanity calls for making an informed decision and not believing the bullshit and if you let the little head get you into this, well, welcome to the club and you're not the first guy who joined the club in this unapproved manner... but own it. Seek out the truths; ask questions and get answers so that your big head doesn't try to mindfuck you and make you think that you've done something wrong.