How about this: Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked. Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit? A: Unique up on it. Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit? A: Tame way, unique up on it. Q: What's a bunny's motto? A: Don't worry, be hoppy! Q: If April showers bring may flowers, what do Mayflowers bring? A: Pilgrims! Knock knock Who's there? Interupting cow. Interupting c- MOOOO! Whats te best place to buy a knife? A chopping center! Which vegetable gets the most respect? V.I.Peas! What did the dead frog say to the other dead frog? Croak. A duck walks into a hardware store. He goes up to a clerk and says, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says, "Uh, no, we do not have any grapes." Next day the duck walks into the hardware store and says "Got any grapes?" The clerk says "No, we do not have any grapes." Next day the duck walks into the hardware store and says, "Got any grapes?" The clerk says, "NO, we do not have any grapes and if you ask me one more time I will nail your webbed feet to the floor!!!" Next day the duck walks into the hardware store and says, "Got any nails?" "No, fresh out." "Got any grapes?"
Q:Why did the dog crap on the boardwalk? A: Because he had something stale out of Marvin's Garnden after he left Kentucky Ave.
I have a Jesus joke. Goes kinda like thins: An angel was walking around heaven one nice day. All of a sudden, Jesus went past and said, "x^2+3x-4! x^2+3x-4!" THis angel was very confused, so he went to ask God about it. "Oh, don't worry," said God, "It's just one of his parabolas."
One day a music lover died and went to heaven. Upon his arrival, St. Peter took him around to meet some of his heroes. As they walked around, Peter Introduced him to Jimi Hendrix, John Lennon, Jerry Garcia, Buddy Holly, Beethoven, Mozart and a bunch of others. But the man was confused when he saw one musician. He said to Peter "I didn't know he had died." Peter said "Him? Oh that's God, he just likes to PRETEND he's Bono."
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. "I hope you don't mind," she said, "but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed... "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."
It's a bad joke, but it cracks me up every time: Two sausages are sizzling in a pan when one turns to the other and says,"Man, it's hot in here." The other sausage turns and says,"Holy shit! A talking sausage." And for the person who likes Jesus jokes, this one is from The Crow: Jesus walks into an Inn, and handing the inn keeper three nails asks, "Can you put me up for the night?" Peace
