Hi all, We recently got new neighbors in the apartment above us. They are fairly young (younger than us I think) and they have a little boy who is about 5. At first we thought that they were just loud and rude because they were constantly making lound banging noises at like 2 am and slamming things and stomping all over the place (you would understand if you have ever lived below someone). It was annoying, but I didn't mind too much. That was until my boyfriend went out to his car one day and saw the girl who lives there had a black & swollen eye, and the guy who lives up there was yelling at her. Jer, just said he got a feeling, like there was a lot of tension and as both he and I grew up in abusive households we recognize the signs, but he didn't see anything happen. Well all of those signs were there. He told me that he suspected they were upstairs fighting when we hear all of the noise. I said that we can't assume anything. But then yesterday I was working from home and I saw it with my own eyes. I heard a bunch of noises, sounding like someone fell down the stairs then some doors slamming. It was so hard it shook our wall. Then I heard yelling out front (we aren't in a building all have private entrances on the ground level). So I opened my door to see what was going on. I was kinda freaked. I saw them out there, but I don't think they saw me poke my head out. I quickly closed the door because I didn't want to get involved, but because I feared for the girl (the dude is 3 times her size) I watched from the window to make sure nothing happened. Well all they did was yell and he pulled her arm and she pushed him. It wasn't anything I felt that I should get in the middle of so I didn't. But now we don't know what to do. I mean I don't want to cause trouble with my neighbors or be that nosey lady, but at the same time I feel sorry for her and most of all for the child. I really don't know what is going on up there, I only know what I hear and see, but I really do think that he is hitting her and maybe the little boy. I'm afraid to say anything to them because he might take it out on her later (like my dad used to do) and I don't want to call the police because I'm afraid they won't do anything. What is there that I can do?
Why don't you want to call the police? If one of my fellow sister's was in danger of being beaten, I would overcome my intolerance of the cops and do it. Cops HAVE to come, if they are called. They may see her hurt and actually do something about it. It probably wouldn't hurt to try. There is really no other way to get her help. Think of her and that poor child growing up in a violent house. Maybe the cops coming and taking him away is the impetus she needs to get out of a really bad situation.
I have no idea. I suggest talking to her first and buddying up to her (although her abusive husband may not want her to have any friends so that might be hard) and trying to convey the message subtley that you know what's going on and you want to help. I know calling the police may seem like a bad idea because they may not do anything or it might make the situation worse, but aside from that, there's not much you can do. It's so sad. Some places (like in my town) the police are very hard on domestic violence cases. If someone calls and says they see or hear someone beating their spouse, they will show up and file a case against the accused, without permission from the victim. They also ask right there and then if they need to go somewhere safe. I feel very safe around here. Since there is a child involved what you might be able to do, is call Child protective services anonymously and tell them what is happening. It's so hard in situations like these because you don't want to stick your nose where it doens't belong, or make things worse. Use your head. The next time you see them fight, call the cops right away if you feel that that will help. Or call your landlord and tell him what's going on. If nothing else, maybe you can get them evicted and not have to put up with it.
You should have called the police the moment that you saw her eye like that. You can always call the department of families and children (social services), since there are children involved in the relationship. They can handle all the dealing with the cops. And I believe that they HAVE to investigate these types of claims (at least they did in Michigan, where I used to live).
I have the same sort of situatuion I called child protective services about the boy and I called the cops a lot but they hve this uncanny way of knowing that the cops are comming... I tried to stop it but it's not working I even heard the man scream"I'm going to geta gun and F*** you up." I told the cops but they didn't even come. its like that Tracy Chapman song..."It don't do no good to call the poilice always come late if they come at all"
Geez, my heart aches for people in situations like that. I think, like the others here have said, that the next time you hear this going on, you need to call the police as well as DFC. It's not like you're being nosey or trying to cause problems, you're afraid for this woman and her son. Who knows, it may be what she needs to get out of the abusive situation she's in. Hugs.
See if you can report it anonymously. I would call both child protective services AND the police. This man sounds out of control and I would really fear for the safety of the child. Since you live in an apartment building, ANYONE can see or hear what's going on, so they'd have no idea it was you. The worse thing to do is sit by and watch and not do anything... If the cops don't do anything, march yourself down to the police station and MAKE them do something. My mom had to do that on several occasions (she's been a school teacher and a day care director so she's seen it all) and normally they won't be able to just do nothing if you're sitting there screaming in their face.
One of the problems with going through child protective services, is that if they determine that there is abuse in the house, she usually HAS to leave him, or he has to leave until he gets therapy and is considered safe. If they are seen together, DCFS can take the kids. I've seen that this happens a LOT more often with white families. I don't know if DCFS "expects" more abuse in minorities, but they do seem to pay more attention to Domestic Abuse in white people more. The cops HAVE to come. You can file a report with your state police, if you call the police and they don't show up.
Well, the problem is that we don't hear them "fighting" we hear noises that sound like people bowling above us. These apartments are soundproof, and we can't hear any yelling or anything unless they are outside like they were the other day. But when they were outside all they were doing is yelling on their front porch. I didn't really think that calling the cops would have been worth it at that point, especially since I could tell they were leaving with keys in their hands. (they were arguing over her being home late) I just don't want the cops to think I'm crazy or causing trouble. I don't want to be the neighbor who cried wolf. And if I know anything about abusive situations I know that he will take it out on her, and she will most likely not leave. I thought about being friendly toward her, and making sure she knows that she has a safe place to come if necessary. I mean don't get me wrong if I were sure something were happening I would most certainly call the police, and not only that but I would kick his ass myself (I'm about his size and 10 times more pissed off). I just remember what it was like when cops were called on my dad when I was little. Sometimes they would come and he would get even more mad after they left. Sometimes they took him and made him go to anger control classes (where he found more dealers and got more angry every time he had to go). I remember my mom having to bail my dad out and having him act like a fucking animal when he got home to teach us a lesson. I just don't want the same thing to happen. I guess I will call protective services for the child because they can step in. But if she won't leave or press charges, I guess I can't force her. Thanks.
Actually when the guy is gone you should go talk to her, but make it secretly unless she says other wise and then tell her what you think and if she doesn't care or wanna hear what you got to say then tell her you'll saty out of her business from now on and forget whatever happened!...I'm sure she's bound to listen to you!
Yeah, I can understand your reluctance to call, then. It is true that sometimes someone stepping in can actually cause more violence. It is a hard choice to make. I hope things can be resolved. Blessings Maggie
Being a survivor of domestic violence, I totally agree with Michael. But if you truely want to help, you can look up the local domestic violence hotline number and write it down. Then, when you see your neighbor, alone, give her the domestic violence hotline number on a piece of paper, then walk away. You don't have to say anything, because your actions said it for you.
This post made me very sad. I just want to say how sad it is that their are such animals in the world and that vunreble children and women should have to have their lives scarred because of the prison of violence and silence they are forced into.
Well where to start. I shouldn't have even read any of this because it stirs negative emotions in this bottle I call a body... Things I would do / have done. When you think they are fighting (stuff falling on the floor or whatever) Go upstairs and slowly walk past the door, most apartments I've been in may be sound proof all around the doors and windows but the doors and windows are the points where you can pick up audio levels enough to determine what's really going on. If your parinoid about being seen on a level you don't live on then inform someone on that level you trust (someone that has lived there for a long time would do, or check with the building maint people, ask them who you can trust) Fill them in on what you think is going on, and in the very least if they come out while your slowly walking by you can go knock on your "friends" door as a cover. A recording device would probably help too. I really didn't like the comment that there is nothing you can do. There is plenty you can do to start the process... but the outcome is something you have little to no control of. I like the idea of passing the paper with the abuse hotline number. Personally I'm a bit too head strong for my own good, I think I have all the answers, so I would approach them both at the same time. The only deterant would be the child being there... Then again maybe the child being there would be a good thing, show the child that you can stand up against the things you think are unchangable. Just go up to both of them and trying to be polite and reserving yourself get a conversation going about noises. As a question mention that you hear alot of strange things from upstairs. Talk about your own experiances with abuse or that of a friend you had. Don't give pitty, give support. Lastly it can take years to get abusive couples to part. Usually it happens with a grande finish... like a friend of mine who's boyfriend tried to run her over, luckily she caught only part of the hood... If all else fails find someone like me who knows the back country really well. There are places for people like the ex bf with the drive to run someone over. It's the shadiest thought in the world, but no one will miss him, no one will find him. But maybe it's because I have a huge problem with abuse towards women and children, I wish I could explain to you where it has drawn from... but I've already said enough. Ignorance is not the lack of knowing, it's knowing you lack the knowledge and not asking that makes you ignorant. That last part was just me spitting out a mind fart.... spitting a fart.. that's interesting... gross maybe
