being looked down on

i'm 18 and pregnant... most of my family knows now. I've gotten over the whole being pregnant shock, and i'd like to enjoy my pregnancy like any appropriate aged person would be allowed to. My boyfriend is excited and i am too, but the way my family speaks of it, its like i'm not suposed to tell people i'm going to have a baby, even though they'll find out 6 months from now! In my family when some one is pregnant, they tend to get the your having a baby gift, something small like a blanket or a baby shampoo and soap kit. I just get the "oh you're pregnant look" and the " you have to change this and this " responses. Woman used to have kids when they where younger than 18 and that was great then! and today an 18 year old having a kid isnt a shock but its still suposed to be hushed hushed and not celebrated at all. I don't believe its right! I find that more stressful than not being able to sleep at night and feeling sick most of the day! sorry the pregnancy hormones are taking over and i just need someone to hear my side.

 

There's a huge stereotype that younger mothers can't handle it. Well, for the most part that's true. HOWEVER, it's not the rule and you sound like you and your boyfriend are well prepared emotionally and have level heads enough to handle it. Some women even get looked down on by having babies at 20 or 21. Really, it's all up to the individuals. You can be a great parent at 18 or 28, or you could be an equally bad parent at any age. It's all just stereotypes.

I know if I, for one, got pregnant at 18, I would probably jump off a cliff because I know I'm neither emotionally or financially ready and wouldn't be able to go through either a pregnancy or adoption. Kudos to those who can, but I know I can't.

Just keep your head high and remind yourself that you're going to be a great mommy 6 months from now. And eat lots of chocolate. =) Your family will adjust. Remember that they're just worried and upset that your future has been altered. Not necessarily for the worse, but just not what most parents or families expect or want out of their children. Surround yourself with supportive people and you'll do fine.

 

After having my bub a lot later in life all I can think is how brilliant it is that you are so young...your body will spring back easier, you will be able to chase them round without feeling like an old fart and also you will be able to grow beside them (sorta)...each age has it's advantages and disadvantages but I personally think you are really lucky and that your family will all just melt when they lay eyes on your little one and allthe bullshit will disappear. Lotsa luck

stephanie

 

congratulations

I got pregnant with my first child at 18, delivered him 2 weeks after my 19th birthday.
He is 11 now and my partner and I have 2 more kids. I think we did OK, and you will too. I think the only mistake we made was changing our ways and trying to conform to the "right way" Follw your heart and remember to take care of your needs. You have the right to be excited.

Feel free to pm me if you need to rant or want a little bit of encouragement!

{{{{{{{{{{{{mudflower}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Lots of hugs.
busmama

 

thanks for all the support everyone

 

Let me tell you, as a 54 year old mother of a 2 year old, I sure wish I was 18. He's a lot more work whan these old bones want most days. I also had my first just days after my 19th birthday. Being on both ends of the spectrum, it was a lot easier now. He's 35 now. Congratulations on your baby. Don't let anyone take that joy away from you.

Kathi

 

Totally agree with Silvercloud


Congratulations, and good luck.

 

It takes a certain amount of maturity to be my age and willing to go thru a pregnancy. So many people just can't- and I can certainly respect that- but the fact that you are going thru with this does say a lot about you. I think you should be proud of that.

Hopefully, your family will warm up to the idea of you becoming a mother once they recognize that.

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

I had my first babe at 18 also. When I told my mom, she cried and cried, and they weren't happy tears. I think she was sad because I wasn't her little girl anymore, but, I think most of all, she was worried about me. When Sage was born, she was there with me, and she was happy for me. Everyone who had been stand-off-ish in the beginning, now saw that my 18-yr-old self could handle being a mommy, and I was darn good at it.

So, hang in there. They'll come around. In the mean time, I suggest that you try to keep as much distance as possible from anyone who wants to push their negative energy on you. That's the last thing you need right now. Just relax and enjoy your pregnancy. It might not seem like it now, but from here on out, the time is going to fly by fast. I hope you have a great pregnancy! Oh, and ALWAYS question set precedents and do your own research. Now's a great time to read.

~Blessings~

Lena

 

Congradulations!! It sounds as if this baby will be deleivered to a happy warm loving family and that's all that matters. Get excited!! This is your life and your baby and you can treat the siuation however you want.

I personally don't think 18 is too young to have a baby. I'm not ready, but if my depo shot gave out on me for some reason, I would be excited and happy. A baby is a wonderful thing. Things change, yes, but your life doesn't stop. Change can be really good sometimes.

It's not as if you are still in school and too young to have a job to support yourself. Don't pay any attention to what others have to say. If your parents give you some crap, or seem embarassed, tell them what's happened has happened and everyone might as well make the best of it and welcome this new life into the world with love and joy, not shame.

It's not like you know me but I think it's great and don't look down on you at all. Keep us posted throughout your pregnancy and show lots of pics when the baby is born!!!

 

thats awesome that your having a baby but if your family is acting that way tell them to leave you and the baby alone, since they obviously dont approve. I wouldnt have a baby at 18, just because i woudnt be responsible enough and im going to college, not dropping out to take care of a baby.

 

you can go to college and have a baby...just takes a wee bit longer....

*looks around to double check that I am studying and have a child...yup...too many assignments and a child who eats them...heh heh...best excuse ever!!!*

 

Congratulations!!!

That does suck that your family is treating you like this is a problem. Just embrace the life that is growing inside of you and let them be. They'll see once the baby get's here that all is well and will hopefully embrace the new child that has decided to grace the Earth and their family.

 

Congratulations on your sweet little bundle of joy on the way! Babies are such a blessing and should be celebrated!

Please don't let these people ruin such a beautiful thing for you. Bask in the glory of your pregnancy, and feel proud knowing that you are bringing forth new life. The same people who look down on you for being pregnant now are the same people who would be looking down on you if you had decided not to carry the pregnancy. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

You sound like you are going to make a wonderful mother, and I wish you much happiness with your precious little baby.

Much love, hugs, and belly rubs...

 

18 isn't that young if you aren't. it depends on your maturity level and if you are willing to change some of your 'youthful' ways and grow up a bit. don't try and be old though.

 

hey hunny, i fell pregnant at 19, and im back at college now, baby and all, lol, try not to worry about your families reaction, its quite a shock for them to realise your not a baby yourself anymore, however that doesnt give them the right to discriminate against you, being a young mum is wonderful in my opinion, all babies need is a thoughtful, loving parent and that sounds like you, you obviously want your child, so they should have a little faith and respect your courage! you tel whoever you ewant and shout it proud from the rooftops, when others start to congratulate the prospective grandparents they may realise how wonderful it actually is.

Goodluck sweetie.xxx

 

I don't have a baby, but my best friend got pregnant at about 20. Her mom was very upset and cried when she told her. This not good mood kept on for all of her pregnancy, but as soon as her son was there, everyone fell in love with him, I mean how can one not fall in love with a baby, unless ones heart is made out of stone.


You will see, as soon as the baby is there, and as soon as they see that you can handle everything, they will look totally different at it.

Congratulations! On your pregnancy, by the way

I think that being able to decide freely what to do with a pregnancy, and deciding FOR the Baby, and being willing to take the consequences, and also being able to look forward to it, are good sings of maturity!

I wish you all the best, for you, your man, and of course the lil baby

-----<---@

 

You can never please everyone. You're lucky if just one or two people approve of your actions at any chosen point in life.

My husband (bf at the time) and i told our parents we were having a baby at 17 (he was born soon after we both turned 18). Everyone had an opinion, and none were positive. My mom went as far as to say "i hoped you would learn from MY mistakes" (she dropped out of college, got married in a hurry, and had me at age 20). Glad she always saw me as a mistake. My MIL recently made a comment that we only had our son out of spite for her. If i've ever heard something both more ridiculous and selfish than that, i have no idea what it could be.

At 19, we were married, but still lived with my parents, and were expecting baby #2. We heard alot of "don't you know what causes that?"

Now we're 21, we own our own house, and we're expecting #3. I think we're getting "that look" more often now, than we did at age 17. "Isn't 3 kids going to be alot of work?" "Won't Dale have to get a second job?" etc.