andrew

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Major Peacenik, Mar 28, 2005.

  1. Major Peacenik

    Major Peacenik Member

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    This is about a boy I know. I loved him, but he's completely faithful to his wonderful, sweet girlfriend of four years. :) Who can blame him, mm?


    Outlawed relations are bathed in muddy sunlight
    Happiness; he is entombed across the hallway.
    Once hope sparked quietly in our eyes
    Reality has dimmed that life.
     
  2. browneydgrl

    browneydgrl Member

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    *heart breaks a little*
     
  3. Rafaela

    Rafaela Member

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    there is good potential there but i think each sentence is a bit scattered , I would try to relate or flow each of them bit better. but other then that small bit good job
     
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