This is my first attempt at writing. comments and critique are most welcome. The room was dark when I regained consciousness. I couldn’t remember what had happened the night before but my nose and eyes were sore. A wash of panic came over me and my heart was racing as images of the previous night came rushing over me. I picked my self up and waited for my eyes to adjust to the lack of light. I brushed the back of my trousers of the dust and debris that I had been lying on, as I went to rub the sleepy dust from my eyes a heavy shot of pain striked my brain. My face felt bruised. I stumbled from the living room into the bathroom and pull the switch for the light. I squinted my eyes from the harsh light and stood in front of the mirror. The face that looked back at me gave me a shock. They had done me well. I delicately washed the blood away from the corners of my eyes and when I took another look at my face after I cleaned up, depression hit me probably harder than I hit the night before. So strong in fact I collapsed in a fit of tears. ‘When was this going to end?’ I thought to myself. I knew I should have kept my mouth shut but then again I would rather be dead than let her get the better of me. ‘Then again, that’s what’s going to happen if this keeps up.’ My brain swelled in my skull and with my vision blurred I could find the will to stand up. So I went back to sleep on the bathroom floor, fully dressed and sore all over. When I awoke, I felt a little bit stronger. Maybe it was because I wasn’t as confused as before, but it most probably because of the dream that I had. For some reason, my dreams always relate to the events that I go through only slightly twisted, so when I go through my depressed stages, I sleep more, and so reality becomes very much warped and twisted. I suppose its my brains way of dealing with trauma. My face still felt sore but after standing up and giving myself a quick look in the mirror I could see that some of the swelling had gone down. I walked slowly into the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea and sat down at the table but I could only manage one sip before I burst into tears again. Completely uncontrollable spasms took over my body once more and the only thing i could remember was the cup falling from my hand before the darkness came. . . . . “you know, I love you from the bottom of my heart” I said as we sat at the top of pollen hill. We always went to pollen hill on sunny days because most of our friends suffered from hay fever and so it was almost certain that we would get privacy. “I know babe” she beamed back at me with smiling eyes “I love you too” she added as she leaned over to kiss me. My heart was racing and just as our lips met my body shook and I woke up in a sweat. “JUST a dream?!?!?” I muttered to myself desperately. I quickly got my head together and looked around at the walls in my bedroom. ‘What???’ was the only phrase running through my head at this time. ‘How did I get here?’ still fully dressed and under the covers of my bed explained the sweating. I got out of bed stripped naked and got into the shower. Had a quick wash put on some fresh clothes and brushed my teeth when I noticed one of my molars was missing. Tears filled my eyes again but I suppressed them and regained control. I went into the kitchen and grabbed a damp cloth and went to mop up the blood on my living room floor and that’s when I found my tooth. “Days I never want to relive and so I must never forget my mistakes” I said out loud as I placed my tooth into my box of memories. Still sort of dazed and confused, I put on my shoes and racked my brain for some understanding company. My good friend Loz has always been there for me and he’s just lost his job so he had to be at home. The fresh air didn’t make me feel any better as I rushed round to Loz’s house. Simply everyone seemed to be staring at me but I kept telling myself that it was because of the state of my face. “Fuck me!! What happened to you man??” shrieked a genuinely concerned Loz “I think it was Fiona’s doing again. Well, not her directly, but you know what her gorilla mates are like. . . . . anything for a woman or a banana” I forced a smile but It hurt too much so it didn’t last long” “Come in, come in” he said moving out of the way “what had you said this time?” “Apparently I told her that I was going to burn her parents house down with then In it, I think” I chuckled as I realized that, If that was what I had said then the punishment was quite fitting. Loz rolled his eyes “for fuck sake Kolin, when are you going to learn to stay away from Fi? I know you’re hurt and she shit on you from a great height but you just aren’t going to win!” I sat on the sofa when we reached the living room. I stared at the telly and wondered when it had all gone wrong. When I had become so bitter. When I realized that there was no more love for this girl. No more communication. No more respect. I HAD to accept that there was no answer for these questions. Not now. Not after all that has happened. The pit in my stomach convulsed and then widened. I sighed and looked up at Loz. He was right and we both knew it. “Do you want a cuppa mate?” “Yeh go on then” I replied He disappeared into the kitchen and a pulled my attention away from the TV. As I looked around I noticed, hanging up in the corridor a red body warmer coat. A kind of dark, mellow red. Like blood, almost. I was astounded at the feeling that this coat gave off. ‘Where had I seen that coat before?’ I shrugged the feeling off. After all, I was still a bit dizzy from the night before. “So you know to keep your mouth shut now when you see dick head Fi in the street from now on yeh?” He asked as he passed me my cup “cos I don’t really fancy attending your funeral you know” “Of course mate, I don’t even know why I said anything last time. It was just a rush of emotion when I saw her last. It was in the town center and she was with her female friends and they were all laughing and pointing in my direction. I just saw red and gave her a piece of my mind. You know what I mean?” “Fair enough mate I can understand. But then again I know what her male friends are like, and they obviously gave you a piece of their minds” he sipped his tea “you will not win mate, because from the outside of the situation you look like the one who’s being out of order!” I laughed “Anything for a banana” Loz just looked at me. The look said it all. He was worried for my safety but angry at my belligerence and stupidity. I finished my tea, which made me feel a little better. I then made my excuses and left, heading for home, ignoring the stares from everyone. When I got home I didn’t feel so down, until I saw the broken cup in the kitchen. As I bent over I clean it up, I felt it coming. These blackouts had been haunting me ever since our relationship starting falling apart. Before I could finish that thought I hit the ground. I woke up on my sofa in the living room. The clock on the wall said 2 and I guessed it was am from the darkness. For no reason at all my heart was racing as I sat up. Then suddenly my front door sounded as though it had been kicked open. My adrenalin shot through the roof and I ran towards the corridor and just as my line of sight reached down way the first thing I noticed was a blood red body warmer coming steaming towards me and then a blow to my face. My body convulsed and I woke again on the kitchen floor where I had fell. . . . . .
