Sights seen from a cloud

Sights seen from a cloud​

inspiration draws me near​

a pulling fan; forget your fear​

with guillotine blades to dice my brain​

tell me, will I know if I've gone insane?​

a price I'll pay, but I stray the path​

my eye's; befooled; I escaped it's grasp!​

free, I'd think, free at last​

-​

I look around at all I'd passed.​

-​

the puzzle pieces; embroidery​

all beautifully sad pink floydery​

and I'd cry until it turned to a laugh​

at the desperate struggle to make life a math​

things can only be pushed so far​

before they crash on down and return to are;​

the is of them, the ocean's whole/hole​

all sailors know it can take it's tole​

some waves are gentle; never mix with air​

but to see this as weak would be unfair​

all waves are pushed by whispy blows​

with winding heats, the balance shows​

and though tidal waves may reach quite high​

it's flight can't be said to truly fly​

it crashes down to join the rest​

-​

to accept your fate is heaven's test​

-​

and so this world may be a joke​

and some see this as sad, some sit back and toke​

but I refuse to just stand and let my mind rust​

I'd rather sit back and laugh​

and be diced​

into dust​

\/​

\/​

name is key​

lemme know what you think​

 

Not bad. Some of the rhyming seems forced, and that takes away from the reading. Also, the part I quoted does not make any sense to me.

 

Really good subject, it seems like a real heart piece. Try some different techniques like alliteration, instead of so much rhyming. It will help keep the rhythm flowing without getting tired. Metaphor in poetry is good, but if it is too obscure you may have a harder time getting your meaning across.

 

yeah, i realized that i'd posted this before, so apologies.

and if i was to actually come out and say it, well, i don't think i would ever have been able to speak it the way i have here. and it's a metaphor for life. it pains me that i have to explain this, it seemed quite simple to me, but alright, will do. the water is us. what i spoke about all the metaphors that involve water, this is life. people have the tendency to push things, like waves, all caused by hot air, mixing and spinning with the dropping cool are causing wind. the stuff that pushes us. all us who ride these waves, ride this water, we know how easily we can be swallowed into the whole/hole of the ocean, never to be seen again, just like a literal sailor. and try as people may to fly, they usually end up just making waves, just making ripples. and tidal waves, caused by much greater forces then a bunch of hot air, they go so far, but in the end, just like all waves, they crash back down into the ocean's whole/hole, usually causing great distruction along the way. but some, some realize they just gotta stare at the sun and float. that is how you get to heaven. acceptance. the rest was more personal, sitting in that limbo, as many of us do, observing our lives, seeing that in the end we may go insane, but is it so bad really? so sad really? should i keep pushing? or am i being pulled? death, in the end, aint so bad if you lived your life right.
so did i kill it? huh, huh?