The world isn't all singing flowers and technicolor rainbows. There are some people out there who would be happy to strangle you with a strip of your own skin for twenty bucks, hell, there are some who would do it for free. Every responsible person should know a little self-defense to protect themselves, this is my system. I call my system "Self-Defence for Fucking Morons" because anyone can do it. It isn't some fancy martial arts system that takes years to master, it's just a simple system of unarmed that anybody can use to fuck the other guy up as quickly as possible should the need arise. If you have a weapon and know how to use it, do so. These are techniques for unarmed defence, but for the average Joe just about any weapon is more effective than bare hands. With bludgeons, aim for the head, neck and knees, with knives and blades, aim for the stomach and arms, and the upper body with long blades such as swords, and with firearms, aim for central body mass. Remember, one good strike is worth a thousand bad strikes. First of all, this is what you should never do: 1) DON'T PANIC! 2) Do not punch your opponent in the face, chest or stomach. This isn't a fair fight we are talking about, and this isn't a movie, these blows will not quickly incapacitate an opponent. Here are a few blows that can take almost any opponent out of a fight: 1) Punch to the neck: A solid punch to the neck or throat of an opponent is highly likely to stun an opponent. You can either ball up your fist and go straight for the throat, or you can come down with your fist in a chopping motion to the side of the neck. Either blow, if successfully landed, will incapacitate your opponent for little while. The problem with this strike is that it can be fairly easily blocked or dodged by a skilled opponent. It is good against unskilled opponents or as a follow-up blow. 2) Kick to the knee: A solid kick to the knee is rarely expected, and it will almost always temporarily cripple an opponent. 3) Go for the balls: Against a male opponent, a good kick, knee, or punch to the groin will almost always at least distract them long enough for a neck-punch and a knee kick. Often it will drive them off out of sheer pain. This blow is ineffective against female opponents. 4) Rip their eyes out: If you find yourself grappling your opponent, you may be able to take their eyes out. Simply grab the sides of their head at eye level and force your thumbs into the corners of their eyes. This will put your thumbs behind their eyes and they can easily be popped out from here. One should keep as much distance as possible from oneself and one's opponent, but if you are in a grapple this blow can quickly end a dispute. 5) Under the arms: A simple punch to the armpits will hit a pressure point, causing extreme pain and temporary paralyzation of the sticken arm. Don't go for the ribs, go for the armpit itself. 6) Shoulder strike: A solid blow to the collarbone between the neck and shoulder will strike a pressure point, temporarily paralyzing your opponent. Remember, don't try any fancy kung-fu moves or anything, simply administer as many of these blows as you can and you will stand a good chance. Remember to follow up. If you get your opponent on the ground kick them in the head to keep them down, as a stunned opponent could soon be unstunned. If they are stunned but still standind, take the chance for a kick to the knee or a punch to the neck. Minimal force is for trained professionals, you just want to eliminate the threat by whatever means neccesary and that entails a merciless beating. Also, be an opportunist, don't be set on some combo, let your opponent present an opportunity to take advantage of. Also always try to keep your arms up to block your central body mass, as a broken, stabbed or shot arm is preferrable to the alternatives.
Noway dude. The ultimate in self defence is the much feared poop-stick. As its name implies, the poopstick is a stick with poop on it, specifically on one end of it. Make sure that you are using fairly new poop so that it is still mosit and as icky as possible. Don't use old dry poop for several reasons. 1) It won't stay on the stick very well 2) Old dry poop has often lost most of its smell. 3) Dry poop simply does not have the nastyness factor that wet poop has 4) It might be mistaken for slightly smelly dirt, thus rendering it ineffective. Make sure to use as much poop as possible, a too small amopunt of poop might go unnoticed or might even be intentionally ignored. The more poop you use the safer you will be. You also must use the right kind of poop, dog poop and human poop are the best, and cat poop will do in a pinch. Don't use bird poop as it is not nasty enough, and don't use pellet type poop such as that produced by deer or rabbits as these kinds of poop will not stay on the stick in large enough amounts. Don't try to use diarreah; although it is very nasty it will not stay on the stick. To Prepare that poop stick find some poop (or make your own poop) and get it good and attached to one and only one end of a stick long enough to keep the poop from getting on you. To use the prepared poop stick hold the non-poop end and shove the poop end in your asailent's face. Your assailent will be nastyfied and grossed out by the poop and think that he is dealing a 100% psycho-nutcase. Your assailent will promptly quit the scene with much terror, gaging, nose holding, and maybe even barfing. Or, to prevent an attack in the first place carry a poop stick around for all to see, 'cause who is going to attack someone carrying a stick with poop on it? You may then go home and watch T.V.
just carry a tessen and know how to use it, as long as the other guy doesn't have a gun you'll win (that know how to use it part is very important)
even though i believe in the constitutional right of citizens to keep and bear poop sticks, people should be very careful in their use. i heard about a young man who died of exposure because of a poop stick accident
i have a feeling i'd pass out before i could bring myself to gouge somebody's eyeballs out of their sockets.
Yeah, well I don't, ya asshat. He's not the only asshole on the internet who knows how to write you know.
Where was that from? I remember reading it, but it was a long time ago. Some 90s .txt like jolly roger's or something I think. Any clues?
It sounds a bit like part of the self defence part of "Steal This Book". Either way, some good advice I have a quick question about the armpit punch, though. Do you mean directly into the armpit, or just to the front (like trying to punch the arm and side of the chest at the same time)? Or would both work?
