"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

"Because I don't have a job." Hehe, that was a good one, at least I think so. I'm so smart oh boy.

 

Ashton kutcher punked me into thinmking that geoge W bush was dead, so i flew all the way to DC to dance on his grave, and was informed when i got there that he was alive and kicking and ready to drill in ALaska!

peace love and laughter
amanda

 

a plane dropped jell-o powder in my pool and i cant let this oportunity pass me by!

 

I cant come into work today because I have Mono.

 

I can't come into work today because... well you make more than me how bout you make up the lame excuse today?

 

l just took 3 trips...

 

I can't come to work today because I was arrested due to mistaken identity.

 

I can't come to work today, because my cat unplugged my alarm clock.

 

"I can't come into work today because my grandad's dead. Yes I know it's the 6th time, my grandma was with alot of men, and her memories bad, she can't tell me who my grandad was. I know they've all died recently, there was a reunion, they were in the bus back when it crashed, the funerals are on different days.
Oh, and I can't come into work either, my house is gonna flood and I need a week off to have it cleared out. No no, it's not flooded yet. Of course I'm not bool shitting you, it really is gonna flood, I left all the taps on with the plugs in. Well sure if you wanna fire me, but you have to pay redundency!"

 

I can't come into work today because I have this odd disease that makes me have to lick any living thing I contact, it's awful, first the plants, than the femail man then the ups guy then the lawn, oh it is awful, I mean I could come into work to day if I really have to but I really do think it's contagious and you really wouldn't want an office full of people licking eachother would you??..... oh you would..... Mycatatemycarkeysbyebye

 

I have ladies' polio

 

my aunt commited suicide

 

cause we are closed today..

 

The remaining beatle kicked my ass

 

l'm going to be killed at noon..

 

I can't come into work today because I've been kidnapped and held hostage in my towel closet. How did I get to the phone...? Oh the kidnapper let me out for a while. No don't call the police, he's already done that. ...You want to speak to the kidnapper. *gruff voice* Hello I'm the kidnapper, the office coffee sucks and your crap at your job! ...no I'v not just put a voice on, you want me to come round and proove it? Fine! *Stompy footsteps followed by tyres screetching, followed by gunshots* Hello? I can't come into work today, I've got to clean hijacker off my car.

 

... because today's St. Bastardo's day, patron saint of the sons of bitches.

 

I have an inner ear infection and it throughs off my equilibrium.wich will explain your drunkin stagger

 

my grandma is still leaking.

 

I accidentally glued my feet to the oven.