Keep in mind that I might be a paranoid lunatic (yet that would mean many of my friends are too..mind you that's not so incredible). Jury's out on that one. Anyway. I have a friend (I'll call him mark) and I think he's gay..but I'm not sure.. I'm not stereotyping or trying to be offensive but I've noticed a few things that may point to him being gay, can I have some feedback? Am I a paranoid lunatic or is it feasible?... Firstly, he talks 'gay'. Not that all gay men talk 'gay', but they have certain words they use and a certain, almost accent, just like any community would..(BUT usually talking like this is in part a result of you being in the community, and he isn't, so I dunno.) 2. He can get really defensive when things get in any way sexual. He had his arm around a girl all night but the moment it got sexual or potentially sexual he turned right off and avoided it. Eventually he actually slept in her bed but nothing happened. I thought this was weird cause she really liked him, and they had been close for weeks, they shared a single bed yet he wasn't willing to even peck her on the cheek. I'm not sure what to make of this.. Aside from that, he has never mentioned any person in terms of how attractive they are, or anything like that (weve lived together for months now, even when everyones talking about stuff like this he shuts up) 3. He has a thing with gay people. The girl he shared a bed with, eventually they stopped talking because he told all these people essentially to keep away from her because she was a lesbian. (she has a boyfriend now..definitely no grounds to say that) He's fine with another girl who's 'out' but gets touchy when they talk about her sexuality (or anyones, for that matter). 4. Someone called him gay as an insult and he abused them until his voice was hoarse, then cried... I don't know. I can't see him liking girls. But I can't see him liking guys really either. He seems almost asexual, just not interested at all, but then he gets weird with gay innuendo and calls a girl who really liked him gay, for no reason.. I know it's not my business but I don't want to upset him by saying something wrong, nobody can figure him out and we're all good friends with him...help? What do you think? He's around 18 by the way..
It's pretty obvious, from your description, that the dude is a VERY insecure "closet case." Most male homophobes are deeply insecure about their own sexuality. Many will use religion to justify their homophobia, but they're really using religion as a convenient tool to cover up their sexual insecurity. -- Skeeter
I am 36 and just come out as bi to a gay frend that i have knowen for 15 yer's and he told that he all ways thort that i had gay tendansees but wen i askt him wot thay were he told me not to worre about it ther nott bad things and thay ar part of wot makes me me. i have moor gay frends than str8t(THAT MY SAY A LOT)AND HAVE ALL WAYS BEEN OK WITH GAY'S AND USE TO WORK IN A GAY BAR. AND IT WAS NOT TILL I 20 THAT I BEGAN TO UNDER STAND HOW I FELT but by then i had a wife that i loved. but that is now over. and for a long time i have been thinking about the one gay kiss i had wen i was 21 and it made me feel. so i have been pretending to be str8t long time
Not to be rude, but really it's not your business if he's straight, gay, bi, or a monkey fucker. I'm very aloof with most people and it would really piss me off for people to go behind my back and "guess" my sexual orientation. I'm openly bi, but still, I don't think it shows much respect for the individual. I'd be very mad at you if you were my friend and I found out about this.
Not to be rude, but that's the point. I don't want to seem rude to him. He doesn't mind if I post stuff about him, just like I don't mind him posting stuff about me.
What is your motivation for knowing : Do you hope he's gay so you can "help" and protect him? do you wish he is cause you want a gay pal? or do you have a thing for gay guys ? (some girls do) I dunno he might be gay, but until he admits it or feels ok about it, there's not much you can do for him...maybe just tell him your opinions on homosexuality when you get the chance so he knows you would be a good person to turn to when he needs it.
After reading through what you wrote the one thing I do think is that he has some kind of demons related to sex. It sounds quite a bit like he is afraid or or otherwise generally troubled about sexual matters. None of this has anything to do with him being straight, bi, or gay. It sounds to me like he, for whatever reasons, can't psychologically handle sex at all. Maybe I am reading this wrong but it does sound like there is no variation that has been presented to him sexually that he is willing to do & in fact has done many things to keep from being sucessful in the chances he has had. I don't think that you are the one who is a paranoid lunatic on at least on this one.
