This ain't about gaynesss but of Sex harrasment

I know this is a gay forum but i like to think of it more as sexual prefereance that go agnist public opiniums forum.

Well anyway, i think i may be developing a little problem with a sticky think called sexual harrassement which is like unwanted fondling of anyone right?
I had a preetty rocky year as relationship goes.

When i was with my g/f in italy for in a school trip she broke up with me. It was hell being around here for 4 more days and ironicly it was the day after my birthday. This i guess how it all began. I was trying to avoid her the whole day while we went to a bunch of different museums in floence. Right before the group left she pulled me aside and told me she wanted to go for a walk and broke up with me outside and walked back in. I could and did write about what i felt those next hours and could write pages but basically i was extremely numb and was trying to avoid going in the streets that looked o so tempting, Side note we been going out since after winter breack 2003. Well after a whole half day of staying away my mind so wasted that i begin coaxing my self with lies of denial and finally am quite out of it while we leave the city on a bus to Rome. Well we have assigned seat that we chose at the beginning of the trip and everyone snug in their own spot. I'm kind of out of it and sit where i normally sit and she piles in right next to me i mean totally akward. Their really small seats and the whole week she been resting on me. Of course now she i saw her trying to rest on the badly made european arm rest and fall asleep as soon as i can to avoid the agony. I wake maybe a hour later to this warm sensation all over my right side and when i open my eyes i see she all over my right side sound asleep on me. My mind kind of takes over and i kind of push away what happen that morning though in my deep mind i know what hapeen.
I not sure what really happen but she was right their so prone and i kind of mess around with her as she layed their i want to keep this as clean as possible but it still burdens me to this day, note this is like 4 months later, well anyway. I kind of forget everything and she acts as if it all the same. Cept without drawing close to me like before or holding my hand whatnot, but i still hanging out with her helping hold her bags exploering with her paying for lunch, and without noticing i keep touching her instinctively. I mean somtimes she might give me a weird look and i a little better but no verbal reaction.

I know i long but i getting to the meat, i her really good friend right now i don't feel that way but she feels that way and i still doing all the grabs and touches and i feel wrong but i couldn't stop if i wanted to. But their was a point when i was kind of touching every girl who came my way but i told my friend because he kind of found out because i was touching his g/f and now i been able to restrain my actions to Eileen (ex-g/f) and this other girl who i really dig Bree (but she has a b/f and she dosen't like me not a flat out rejection but i can tell)

I have a problem right and most people including my self believe that this is one the most evil deed a guy can do? i wondering how could a guy who went from never hitting a girl and respecting them now becaume a molester basically, does anyone eles share this problem or want to bring me a lot of heat for my actions? Opinions

 

It could be a form of perversion, and I applaud you for being this open about it cause it's a first step to talk before this spirals out of control

My impression is that your first experience of fondling your ex girlfriend during the bus trip was instrumental in you continuing to do this even though you know it's wrong :The fact you were dealing with the emotions of the breakup made you act in an impulsive way, and you probably felt a sense of entitlement towards her. That's where the sexual payoff might be, in feeling that you're getting your power back after being rejected...It's likely that you've had those issues around entitlement and rejection prior to that incident, cause it's not a normal response to start gropping every girl around you after a breakup. I think those feelings can also be fueled by porn if you watch a lot of it, even though porn tends to be a symptom of a much larger problem.

I don't agree with this. You could stop if you wanted to, but the payoff is too great for you want to. You have to be honest with yourself as to what you get from this..cause imo it's a choice one makes every time to fondle another.
In regards to your ex you could confront her as to what happened and own up to it, cause she now seems a part of this game with you. If you take out the payoff you'll feel less tempted to keep acting on it.

 

Thx for the reply
Most of the conclusion you made are prety on key
I guess the reason i posted this is becuse i could feel like its starting to go beyond my control well it is still spring breack and maybe i'll post to see how my frist day back goes, hopefully i can sort this up in my head before school starts again

 

How does Eileen react when you fondle her? Has she ever stopped you or told you not to touch her?

I'm not defending your reactions but this just popped into my mind. You said that she sees you as a friend & has been hanging around with you somewhat regularly (I think I read that between the lines) since she broke up with you. If she had a problem with you it seems like she would say so. Or anyhow, she should say so.

You realy do have to quit copping feels with people that you aren't intimate with. There are some situations that this is OK but you didn't mention that the ones that come into my mind. A museum sure isn't one of them. While someone is asleep is even less so. Well, if you 2 were in a relationship & in bed that would be a little better. Anyhow, I don't know the laws in your part of the world but here in the states, a guy can get himself in a passle of trouble for doing this. I bet it isn't much better where you are.

I think that you should talk to a mental health professional about this. You need to work this out.

 

She hasn't said anthing verbaly at me at all about touching her though i remeber their was one day were she said she wanted me to take a step away

i am in the united states so i'm quite sure the laws are quite strict though i 've never actully looked it up

i might seek metal help but i under my parents influence and in asking for help would be revealing my sercet
Which i don't think i ever think about doing to any family members

but it is nice to get feedback for u can guess i quite dazed right now about everything it all seems blurry everthing i done and though i carry guilt for very few thing i now i feel aburden i guess i'm just another person in a crowd of confused teens (ung i hate being catogorized)

 

You stopped doing it to one girl (because you knew her boyfriend and he was unimpressed). You can stop doing it to all of them. I'm sorry but this really isn't right... it's great that you're talking about it but if you can't stop doing it yourself immediately please get help..

 

You're welcome Sininabin...keep working on yourself and give us some updates on your progress.

 

Well, it's the land of the free and the home of the politically correct freaks who will sue you for sexual harrassment if you ask them out for a drink. I think it's best to watch yourself and try to recognize personal space to the best of your ability. Good luck on that.

Not necessarily. Counselors and psychiatrists have that lovely little ethics code they live by and your visits would be confidential. The trick is to getting your parents to take you. You might have to tell them that there is a problem, but you don't necessarily have to tell them what it is. If they're supportive enough of you, they should make sure to tend to your well being. But at any rate, it might not be a bad idea to talk to someone about this issue. I'm glad you're thinking of getting help. that's a hard thing for a lot of people to recognize. I wish you the best of luck.

 

As i reflect on how it started it is strange to see how a promblem can have very humble start and then grows to be something that you have to deal with like some wierd fungus

 

I don't want to keep boging the forum with this so i'm just posting one more time. ignore this line

Monday: The day i came back to school it was easy to metally challege myself and had a whole good day And it is hard to discribe but on that day i felt so relived like relizing i was't depended on something anymore

Tuesday: Today was tuesday, and it did not fair so well. i don't know for sure what it was in paticular. It was generally my arrogance that i rose above my habit, mixed that with my ex's new warm aditude (on monday she had a bad spring breack and was grumpy so she kept to herself), and dazaling new haircut. And when one gets though it like it over for the whole day. One crack become a flood, and lunch was not so great either, i did keep to those two(eileen and bree), and kind of pulled back together near the end of the day, which isn't really saying that much because none of them are near me in the afternoon

In the end as wensday rolls around i'll try to pick up from monday and i think i 'll overcome this hurdle


Below is kind of a different topic

(It funny to think as i was readin the other forum the this girl...she incredible is about her relationship ,which is so sweet, I'm 15 it funny to think about fourteen i mean as my story goes 15 is when it ended. i like to look at the flow of energy a lot like ying and yang, as in bad things blance the good. And happpyness is rewarded with sorrow and why people tend to have promblems on the their birthdays. But my story as i read it is the like a anti-love story. Becuse it is myself failling to pecies over the past, and being suck in a vortex of mixted emotions that bottle up and suck away at my fortitude, as something like a beutiful relationship is more of electrifing rejuvanent your mind and releases your spirt . i would of posted it their but i don't want to pop a bubble, so i thought it to be more fitting on this dismal page that i say this about a relationship. That when it over never forget the times that count for they keep you alive and pull you through the toughest parts. And i'm hoping still for it seems decads since it shatterd but love for someone, for somethings is alot like hate for someone as you need to sacrifice things to keep it alive. anyone who (read wuthering hieghts note healthcliff) And event though i don't want to hold i on i am burning my honor to keep her in my heart though i don't know why i stuggle to keep someone in who caused so much pain.)

P.S. would of probably posted sepratly but i want to keep to my word

 

Ive been touched like that, its sexual harrassment. You have to try and stop I can fully see your side of the story and for your own sake you have to make yourself stop. I think its the worst feeling when a guy espeicaly and older guy touches you when you dont want it. Its like you feel dirty ashamed violated furious depressed all at once its this kind of dirty despair..terrible.. please stop because you don't sound like the kind of guy who would inflict this.
peace