"do people desire the ones they love, or love the ones they desire?"

(desire sexually...)

any thoughts?...

 

Interesting speculation. Hmm...

There's the whole natural sexual pheromone attraction. When I first laid eyes on my husband, there was definitely a spark of some sort. It wasn't as though I wanted to have sex with him then, there was just an immediate jolt of "something". I'm not one to believe in love at first sight, and I know I didn't fall in love with him the moment I first saw him even though I thought he was absolutely beautiful. It took more time than that, a lot more nurturing of the relationship, time spent together, a bond formed.

But you raise an engaging point. If you believe in the natural instinct we subconsciously posess of searching for a mate who is genetically compatible to ourselves, who has the strongest and best genes for procreating, then, are you falling in love with them firsthand because of that subconcious drive? Are you attracted and feel loving towards them because you feel that they are the most compatible with yourself for procreating? You may not actually WANT children, may have absolutely no conscious desire for them, but the obscured drive is still there, because it's only natural and cannot ever be fully suppressed?

But, could it be that we simply fall in love and hence the sexual desire affirms itself afterward due to the deep emotional connection a couple can experience, one that makes them want to express their love to one another in a more intimate guise?

Wow, it makes you wonder.

Good question.

 

in my experience, i desired the one i loved and i also loved the one i desired. it was just one of those relationships for me in which every other guy seemed to fade into the background and my boyfriend was the only one i gave more than a passing glance to. and i liked it that way, it made me feel like we were very close.

but now that i am single i would have to say that, with no immediate desire for another serious relationship, i will be sticking with option b...loving the ones i desire...at least temporarily

 

in my situation it would be desiring the one i love

 

I think it's the later more than the former.


If you're attracted to someone you don't love, you might grow to.
If you love someone but you're not attracted to them, you probably never will be.

 

i desire the one i love because why would you desire someone you dont love? remember.... "love is all you need."

 

I've been in both situations and neither worked out. I loved someone I didn't desire (sexually) and I desired someone and "loved" them but I later realized that sometimes you can "desire" someone that is not worthy of love or of you. In my opinion, there needs to be somewhat of a spark in order for the relationship to be successful. Everyone makes mistakes and when your significant other hurts you or fails you in some way that chemistry can still pull you through to loving each other again. Without it you hit the door because the feel of their fingertips on your arm and their guilt filled kisses on your cheek do nothing for you. Ideally, a good balance of desire for someone who you know is worthwhile is the best situation but it's also the hardest to find - at least from my perspective. Vetty

 

im not going to get all technical about it but i think u start off desiring the one u love and then love the one u desire

 

no wait.. i meant the other way around.. u start of loving the one u desire and then u desire only the one u love.. hopefully

 

Just thinking about it keeps confusing me...

 

lol

it reminds me of the chicken and the egg... which comes first? love or desire? which do you need to feel the other... ? i agree with blckra1n personally... love the one you desire... and eventually you're desiring you love...and nobody else.

 

..... dinosaurs.....