old fight between me and my bf... need opinions!!!

n/m

 

I dont even think you need me to answer....you know he's wrong.

 

seriously, leave the fucker, that's disgusting, I'm sure you have friends or family out there that still care for you

love asside, he sounds like a dick

 

Yeah, I don't care whether you think you love him or not, judging by what you've said he is a giant fucking asshole and does not deserve any girl whatsoever. No one but a scumbag would treat you like that. But if you want to believe that you two are in love, I guess that is your problem.

 

i dont' appreciate you saying that if I think I love him that's my problem. I know I do. I said that we were past that shit. He doesn't do crap like that anymore, nor associate with those people. I know this because he does nothing but work (i know he's there for a fact) and come home at 5:30. All weekends are spent with me.
My only reason for posting this is because we were arguing about it the other night for the first time in about 3 months. It happened to be on my mind. I know who I love, and I don't appreciate other people who don't know either of us to tell me otherwise.

 

id treat ya right

 

...if you didn't want people's opinions, then DON'T POST!!!

i'm gunna have to agree with everyone else. the guy sounds like a dick. if he doesn't do it anymore, than fine, but that would still irk me pretty bad. him all over some chick, and not even wanting to hug you?? pretty bad. and WORSE that he was like, flaunting it in front of you.

 

The following post is my opinion, not a judgment but my personal view, on the situation that you posted and asked for opinions on, so I reject any criticism of my opinion based on these facts and principles. Now...
I don't know what your cultural/familial/education background is, however I think it is safe to say that you must have had a pretty tough time growing up. I don't know of very many secure and stable women who find themselves in relationships with misogynists who are emotionally abusive, and then defend his indefensible transgressions, so I assume you must have some issues of your own to deal with before adressing your boyfriend.
I can tell you right now that I think you are delusional, and if you don't get help, you will almost assuredly end up in a physically abusive relationship at some point and you will probably defend that asshole just like you are defending your current asshole. You need to grow up and look at your life subjectively, and start acting responsibly.

 

no offense, but i second that. there's no doubt in my mind WHATSOEVER that he could possibly have been entirely faithful to you considering his behavior you talked about when he was at work. in all honesty i only read about half of your post because it was so fucked up i couldn't believe that you were still with this guy.

 

no offense, but i third that. you stopped hanging out with your friends because he doesn't approve? that's bullshit. even if he doesn't like your friends, he shouldn't expect you to not have any because he doesn't like them. that's some controlling bullshit. and from what you posted before about him, he doesn't sound like a loving or supportive partner. sometimes you can love someone so much, and they can claim to love you, but the fact that he hasn't even forgiven you for something where you weren't even in the wrong and this was over a year ago? this is fucked up. even if you ARE having a baby, leaving might be the best thing for you AND your child. don't just think about yourself and your feelings, think about your CHILD. that is priority number one right now. get some help and get out of that situation. you are obviously delusional. there are plenty of men out there who wouldn't treat you like this ever, and at ALL.

 

does it even fucking matter if you love him because im sorry but its obvious he doesnt love you. this is why a lot of guys have no manners and think they can treat you how ever the hell they want and youll stay with them because of women like you who allow guys to not value you. why in the world would you not leave him how can you love someone who doesnt treat you right i have a hard time talking to people when the way they treat me is dissapointing nevermind sharing a bed with them-you must be completley have to put on a show of emotions to put up him-being alone is not a bad thing-toughen up a little when it comes to guys.

 

IF everything in the relationship is fine except for this old stupid shit being dredged up repeatedly (ie incidents like this aren't occuring again, because that's just not good like others have said), then maybe you should consider some counselling. If that truly is your only issue, then the biggest problem with it learning how to put the past behind you. I don't know how to fix that, but a counsellor should be able to help. If either of you are in school still, there maybe some good, cheap or free resources found that way.

 

Holy fuckin' shit. You just laid out a thousand and one reasons why this guy you are with is a TOTAL PIECE OF SHIT, and asked us what we think of it, and then you say you're having his fucking BABY and leaving him is not an option?!

LEAVING HIM IS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY YOU SHOULD DO.


Do you ever hear that standard gripe from guys who are nice to girls that all the assholes are the ones getting all the girlfriends? YOU ARE ONE OF THOSE GIRLS WHO GIVES IT UP TO THE ASSHOLES WHO DON'T FUCKIN' DESERVE A GIRLFRIEND.

You say you "love each other." To me, it sounds like he says he wants to take a shit and you crank open your mouth. Get a little goddamned self-respect. It's a shame indeed that you agreed to fucking GET PREGNANT by such a worthless piece of shit of a man, but them's the breaks.

You want opinions on this argument? You've been a fool to stay with such an asshole. I don't think there's any more to it than that.

-Jeffrey

 

Who cares if you don't appreciate it? You claim that you love what appears to be -- from your own fucking account -- a total asshole of a human being. Whatever you think you know of love can't be worth all that much if you think there's something lovable about the kind of person you just finished describing to us. Do you agree that there is not a SINGLE characterization of a SINGLE good quality that he has, in your first post?

Are you saying he is some sort of changed man? He found religion or something? He's no longer an abusive, unreasonable, unfaithful tyrant toward you? Great. Only you would know if that's true. But I don't personally believe that people can go from being that big of a dickhead to being a good boyfriend, husband, father...

-Jeffrey

 

thanx inmurria.
I've thought about the councling thing lately, and it's a good idea. HE;S actually the one who suggested it in the first place.
when I moved in with him, I had nothing, and was an emotional, suicidal wreck. He supported my lazy butt for this long while I've skipped from job to job.
Like I said, he met me over the net, never met me and within 2 weeks, we were living together. He went from totally free and single to me. All my past bfs have broken up with me because I was a jealous emotional nightmare.
I guess that I shouldn't have left out all the rude shit that I've done to him, and the fact that he's always taken care of me. I'm stubborn and won't listen to anyone, and he still stays by me. Like i said, all that crap was gone within a month or 2.
I know that he's never cheated on me. After getting to know all the people around here that know and knew him, I know that he hasn't. And I've had that happen in the past. I know what to look for.
The point is, I wanted opinions on who was RIGHT in this argument so that I could show him that I wasn't dillusional in my opinion. That other people thought the same thing as me. I didn't want to hear things about leaving him and me being an idiot. I hear that enough, and that wasn't what I asked for. YES, I wanted opinions. NO, I didn't want to hear how stupid you all think that I am.

 

All of this makes me realize that I'm actually LUCKY not to have a girlfriend. So many fuckin' headcases out there, and it's like walking blindfolded across a minefield. One step, and you don't even know it's the wrong one, and BOOM!!!! All this kinda shit blows up in your face.

I'd rather jerk off nightly than deal with a nut. Life's tough enough, without having to sort through the mental crap of a woman who's just a lunatic.

Why does it seem like I've met about six people in the last three weeks who have all attempted suicide??!

Okay, I know of four. All of whom I have found out attempted suicide or at least thought about it, all since about late March. Fuckin' weird.

-Jeffrey

 

Isn't there a mirror Thread or am I loosing it?

 

darlin
he told you that you need counseling--that you are the one who is a mess, and it's your own fault that you're being treated that way. It's your fault, you're the one who's being unreasonable; he's supported you like a proper hero this whole time. Yup, heard it. Standard--STANDARD manipulation technique. First he makes you feel insignificant and you begin to overflow with self-disgust, and then he tells you it's your fault, and he's working his ass off to help you, but you just ain't cutting it.
You know what, it's about time someone told you this.

There are men out there who will and do value women. There are men who, when they hold you are not just thinking about themselves getting off, but also about you and your well-being.

You know what, in life you end up getting what you settle for. If you leave this guy, pregnant and all, it will be the strongest, hardest and bravest thing you will ever do, but at least your baby will have a strong, brave mother (instead of one that lets her man abuse and manipulate her, shattering the sacredity and grace of her whole life).

Babe, leave this guy. No matter how seductive his careless, virile manner is, no matter how much you think you depend on him, you know that you can be independant. You know that you'll find someone better. You know it. Don't listen to the creeps that tell you you are stupid and mentally spaghetti. Do something for yourself. Or you will end up with a nagging idea in the back of your mind for the rest of your life. The idea that maybe happiness is not based on a day here or there and the obsessive search for other people's approval. It's based on your choices and self-respect.

 

and Jefferey--

would you just chill out. Quit yelling at these girls. Believe it or not, kids need loving support when they're growing up, and for some it is harder than others. Were you raped when you were 15? Did you have images of 'perfect' women shoved at you from TV, ads, your friends?? And no, I'm not blaming it all on that. "It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness."

dumbass

 

teeny_tiny.... it sounds like you're a sweet girl, trying to be as good as a person can be, i have nothing against you as far as i've read in your posts.

unfortunately, it's clear to most people that whether you love him or not, you shouldn't be dating this guy... for that matter, no one should. what's even more unfortunate is that you two have a baby on the way, which makes things infinitely more difficult, and a clean break nearly impossible.

it sounds like you've had a hard life, and it's awful that you're only 18 and feel you have no other options than staying with this loser. just remember how much you're worth, and keep your chin up. you're your own person, and you're not bound to this jerk.

peace,
sophia