I hope it's okay to post this here. I posted it in the relationships forum, but I wanted to make sure I got some imput from the mamas here. (Oh, and DH stands for my husband...) Things have been a little cold between my DH and I since we had our last daughter (she's 19 months old). He works out of town all week and is home only on the weekends (sometimes during the week if it's bad weather) it's like we have two separate lives...He is gone, then comes home eats dinner and goes to bed. He does yard work or works on the car in the barn. "Man stuff" you know. Then turns around and leaves again. I spend Saturdays at my Moms house because DH can't sleep with them home. When he's outside working or watching TV on Sunday have to keep the kids inside or at least away from him because he "can't get anything done with the kids running around". I think it would help if I gave some background here. We've been married for 8 years. (Yes, we were young) It was a crazy first few years. After we had our son, I settled into Mommy mode and he continued to act like a typical teenager. He was arrested once for marijuana possession, broke his probation and we had to sell our car to pay his fines to keep him out of jail, he broke probation again and had to go to jail for a few weeks,he would stay gone and party with his friends, lost like a million jobs, we had screaming and physical fights, and on and on. When our son was 2, I packed up and went home. DH begged and begged for me to come back. He agreed to see a counselor if I came back. I did... Things were alright, we had our first daughter, things got crappy again (but he has never hit me again). We saw a counselor, he promised to change, things got better, we had our second daughter and here we are... I know it might seem petty, but it is just his attitude towards the kids and I basically sucks. I am very calm and respectful towards them and he just yells and threatens. I guess I have my vision of home that's quiet (well as quiet as 3 kids can be), nurturing, and just happy. I'm big on AP and Waldorf methods. He threatens to spank which I never have allowed, tells them to "go play" so he can watch TV, and the final straw for me...called our daughter a brat because she was crying! He was very supportive of me breast feeding, but now keeps on telling me than she is too old and isn't it time she stopped. The kids are SO different when he's home. I really don't have any problems with them all week, then they go nuts all weekend while he's home. We have been to counseling SO many times. They keep on telling him that he needs to take medication for his OCD and ADHD, but he won't take it. It really does play a factor in his mood swings. He goes from manic to depressed/angry every few months in a cycle. I actually KNOW when it's going to get worse...He gets mad and says/does thing without thinking, then just try's to kiss and make up. I can't handle being called a lazy bitch one minute then him coming to bed and wanting some and telling me how much he loves me. I really don't know how to go into exactly how I feel, I don't want to make him seem all bad, because I dearly love him! I'm just so afraid that it's never going to change. He promises me, then turns around and falls back into old habits. I wouldn't feel so bad if he was TRYING. But he's not at all! He got mad that the kids had toys out Friday night. Saturday morning he THREW them in the toy box, while cussing and yelling, and actually knocked a picture off the wall he slammed the lid so hard. I had to pick up glass from the carpet and the couch. We talked and he said he was just tired, he was sorry, blah, blah, blah...I feel like I've heard it all so many times before that I don't believe him. I have no reason to. The calling our daughter a brat incident happened a few hours later... I'm not happy living like this...I always wanted a respectful, loving partnership for a marriage. Not feeling like I'm only here for when he wants me to be around. I'm not sure why I'm posting this. I guess I just want to hear from some one who's been there and made afterwards. I'm TERRIFIED of being alone with three kids! But I don't want to be here in 8 more years... I haven't worked in 5 years and don't have any schooling after HS other than a few courses at The Art Institute...It's very scary thinking of being on my own.*sigh*
(((hugs))) First I want to welcome you to the women's forum. I'm sure you know that the reason your kids go wild when DH is home, is that they miss their daddy like crazy and want some attention from him! If you are really ready to end your marriage, there are tons of programs that can help you get along being a single mother. For instance, I work for a non-profit org. that takes grant money (like $4 million) and has developed these programs to help people that need education, jobs, etc. They pay for your schooling, daycare, and transportation. Look up information about your state's WIA (workforce investment act). Also, it is not shameful to go on welfare if you are trying to get your shit together and go back to school. It's there for people just like you (and me). Is there no way that your dh can work closer to home so he is home more? Maybe that would help. It would be less stressful and the kids could spend more time with him. No one here can help you make your decision (whether or not to stay with him). That's something only you can decide. But, we can support you and give you help dealing with whatever choice you make!
