Hello everybody, today is SIAD (Self Injury Awareness Day, as the title suggests), just wanted to remind everybody who knew and tell everybody who didn't. I found the following on recoveryourlife.com and consider it very well-written and true: CUTTING WARNING LABEL ....before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily ...they will get deeper. They will scar. They will take sometimes months to heal!!! And years for the scars to fade! IF you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again...it will spread when you run out of skin. Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live ....you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched. Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100....Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting ..cutting and covering up cutting And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep." And you freak out because the blood won't stop...and you are gaping....and you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can't tell anyone. So you sit there alone...praying it will be ok swearing you'll never let it go this far again...But you will and further. Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER. And the better you get at treating your cuts the deeper they get. You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20 , 30 or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy. You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order. Butterfly strips...3 or four different kinds of dressings...betadine....antibiotic cream..medical tape..scar reducers.....You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice...someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies...someone who understands but of course that never happens. Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe...longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands , boots... gloves..the list goes on and on. You will start looking at everyone in a differnent way...Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI... just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone. You wont even think about it ..as your eyes scan their wrists arms...hoping just hoping they will be like you....But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone. You will start doing a lot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so know one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood..Scrubbing your bathroom floor...wiping the blood of your keyboard.... You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting....Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergancies. When you get really desperate anything will be a cutting tool ...scissors...a car key...a needle ... a paperclip..even a pen. Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something. Say goodbye to things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you. Get ready to itch. Beacuase you will itch and itch ..."so much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease." You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.. You will dream about cutting...you will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely HATE cutting...at the same time you love it and can not live with out of it. you have been warned..... _by D.A.A. I do not mean to provoke another discussion on the topic of self injury here, I'm only sending all my love, thoughts and ((((((((HUGS))))))))) to all the people who are struggling with si. Rain
SI is a hard topic... and its a shame that people often remark it as crazy behaviour or wanting attention... it isnt... it helped me... it was my best friend and my greatest enimy.... now its only a memory.... but i have to fight everyday to keep it a memory.... now i get confronted with it every day... especially when its hot... you dont see me with short sleeves etc....
thats positive..! i hope you succeed... if you need someone to talk to or something, you can add me (kutcroissant@hotmail.com). only problem is that im only online in the weekends... you can also mail me for tips...
Congrats for going SI-free, Utopia, I could never do that (not at the moment at least, maybe the day will come)! And Goatman, "stopping before it starts" is definitely a great approach to it, I hope you'll make it - you will! If anyone wants to talk, I am here as well (see profile for contact info).
indeed... I'm fighting everyday... still got the urge to do it.. its hard... but I always think: If you are able to do this to yourselfe, you are strong enough to quit it... but hey... had 13 months of mental hospital to help me quitting
But it's the most wonderful feeling if you manage not to do it... (not talking about quitting here, because I'm still so far from that) I've been si-free for more than a week now and not because I forced myself to but simply because I've been doing so well and didn't really have any strong urges - so great! One thing I think you can't emphasize enough is that si always has a reason and there's not much sense in fighting the symptoms (urges and si) without taking care of the reasons, at least not in the long run.
well... I agree and disagree with you... in most cases, when you SI, you block the real problem(s)... if you continue SI-ing, you often cant get close to the real problem... If you quit, you get closer to the real shit and you can take care with it... but the problem is that most of the times the problem (wich make you started SI-ing) is to big to handle on your own... thats why I dont think I could have made it without the hospital... and about the ""But it's the most wonderful feeling if you manage not to do it..."" for me it doesnt feel like that... I miss it... but I will not do it for the people around me, for my friends from therapy... they are fighting against it too... so... It would be not nice to do it, i guess.... congratulations with you being SI-free for over a week now! thats great to hear!!! I hope you can keep up the good work!!! you got a lot of scars? I hope not...
Well, yes, I have to agree with you, the thing has two sides... I guess neither just treating the reasons nor just treating the symptoms does the trick, you have to take care of both. As for the "most wonderful feeling" - again I agree that longer si-free times make you more urgy and so on, but at least for me, having made it through a difficult situation without cutting (say, Christmas or a huge homework project done the night before deadline) can feel great. Thanks a lot for the encouragement!! Scars? Yes, some, but nothing that won't fade as time goes by I guess. What about you? All the best to you as well, I'm thinking of you - be strong, it's worth it!
cutting is not the only form of self injury. i have never spoken to anyone else who does what i do, but surely there must be someone out there. i haven't seriously done it in over a year, because i am stablized on medication (i am bipolar), but my self injury comes in the form of self biting and scratching, usually my forearms and sometimes my thighs. i have scars around my wrists from this. believe me, i have done some pretty serious damage to myself in the past. i do this to deflect emotional pain, and i don't know if it is the same for people who cut, or not...
maybe you can check out this site: http://www.palace.net/~llama/psych/injury.html every way of hurting yourself is serious... and often its because of the same tipes of reasons... good luck
long time ago, but how are you doing?? still si-free?? hope so!! thanks for your nice words... scars..? too many... keep fighting, girl!!
i foolishly thought that finaly there was a day to remind those of us with no intension to get hurt , to be carefull and avoid accidents .....about the other stuff , i havnt a clue .
Of course cutting is not the only method of self-injury, but it's the one that's spread widest and known best, unfortunately. Many people do multiple things though (I also cut, scratch, sometims bite and hit/bruise and other forms of general self-harm, like not eating enough or showering too hot), and again I agree that whatever way you do it and how "serious" the injuries may look or not look, if you hurt yourself it is serious. I absolutely agree, the site is great, with lots of info, suggestions and also a very supportive mailing list and message board (bus - bodies under siege). I'm doing okay and although I haven't been entirely si-free, I didn't do much (only twice since 22/03). I cam out to my Mum a week ago and she wants me to go o therapy/couselling. I guess it could do good, but still I'm not sure whether I really want it or not. Anyway, I'm fine - what about you?
oh well... Im doing okay I guess... up and downs... think that its good that you give therapy a chance... if its still nothing, you can always quit... i think its good to try
