The Anorexia Forum!

really?? thanks!!!!!!!!!!!

 

la ninfa del boske:
I completely agree with you. ED's are no games, they're no fun, and should not be taken so lightly.
I too am someone who's had to battle ED; mostly anorexia, but I've had some bulimic periods as well. There's nothing cool or positive about them; in fact, it's HELL!!!
Someone who starves him or herself for a while because he/she thinks it's cool, is not really anorectic.
Like ninfa said, with ED's it's not you who is in control, it's the ED... you may think you have it under control for a while, but then when you want to stop because it's getting really nasty, you discover you really *can't*. It is a monster that takes you over completely -- all the good in you seems to disappear.....
I think I can explain to you, ninfa, why you had an ED even though you don't care about the way you look -- that is because, regardless of what everyone seems to think, IT IS NOT ABOUT BEING BEAUTIFUL, as a matter of fact, IT IS NOT EVEN ABOUT WEIGHT!!
I have been struggling for about 5 years now, and in that time I have learned a lot about it, and have had the chance to think about it a lot.
What it is really about, I have found, is self-hatred, is feeling you are a failure, and the most awful and evil person in the world -- you do not deserve to eat, do not deserve food, the pleasure it brings, and most of all, the LIFE it brings. It is about denying yourself the right to live.
It often start with wanting to be perfect, with wanting to live up to a beauty ideal, yes, or at least that what the anorexia tells you -- but then when you fail, or even if you don't fail, you think you're completely useless and no good at anything....
You feel like you take up to much space in the world -- that is why, no matter how skinny you become, it is never enough -- you believe you are *so* awful that you should cease to exist althogether -- so no matter how skinny you are, the fact that you are still here means it is too much. But on the other hand, you deserve to be punished, by feeling hunger all the time, and the pain that comes after a while.... and you cannot die, because that would be too easy a way out, you deserve punishment and torture forever, not the peace you really long so much for, the peace death can bring...
It's not about being beautiful -- you yourself can see very well that you look like a skeleton, that it's only making you uglier... but that doesn't matter because you do not even deserve to be beautiful....
It may seem even to yourself that it really is about being beautiful, but that is a lie the illness makes you believe. The voice inside your head tells you that you need to do this, and that you cannot eat, and you feel strong when you listen to it -- but after a while you find out you are not strong like that, because you really cannot say no to that voice, even if you want to... You just cannot stop
And when it's really bad, there's nothing but pain -- physical and mental pain both... nothing but pain and fear and black.... and you are certain there's no way out, this will go on and on.... it seems so hopeless.
Believe me, anorectic people *know* what hell is like. There is nothing worse.... because the enemy is within, it's YOU who's hurting you and hating you so much. And you yourself know best how to hurt you most, and in the meanest ways -- you yourself know your weak spots best.
You become scared iof everything.... you long for someone to hold you and take the hurt away and want to be able to tell someone about it all.... but you cannot. Because the anorexia tells you not to. Because you deserve this pain and you should bear it yourself and not bother other people with it, and not try to make it go away by talking.... It's your own fault, after all, and no more than you deserve...


There *is* a way out, for some, you yourself ninfa have done it... as have I, mostly
Not for everyone, though, in fact, for most anorectics there is no way out....

*sigh*
I hope some people will stop this BS about it being fun and cool now that I have tried to describe the agony it brings, you are *really* hurting and upsetting people who DID have a real ED.... or are still struggling to fight one. Please, THINK, and stop this....
You may find it fun now, but I have had to go through it, as has ninfa -- and I have to watch one of my best friends die of the consequences of her ED... I don't think she will make the end of this year, her body is such a mess it is a miracle she is still alive..... and NO, this is NOT her own fault, it is this terrible illness that happened TO her....
If you want, you can visit her site : http://kellycountry2002.homestead.com/front.html

** BIG HUGS** to Ninfa

 

yeah, eating disorders are cool. so is self mutilation. and sleeping in the rain.

 

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um....i was being sarcastic and i am a nice person. you don't know me.

 

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i always joke about stuff that happens to me

 

i like to sleep in the rain,and ed's just about the nicest person i even know!

 

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my aunt threw up all the time and got so thin... she is at 40 now. She is frail and thin and pale and tired ALL the time. I feel so bad for her. Truthfully sometimes it looks like she has cancer and she doesent throw up anymore even. You might look nice when your young but as you age and there is no going back to change it you can look very sick. I wish she hadnt done that do herself.....
She cant even eat to much because she just throws it back because her body tells her she if full so she cant gain weight again either.

 

aww thanks


and shelly... why do you hate me so much? i love you to bits. really.

 

Yeah..Ed's very nice.

I think it's fine to joke about it, really . . . I KNOW it's serious, I was ana/mia four/five years and counting - you never stop having eating disorders, you just learn ways to generally work around them.

But...if you can a way to laugh at even the horrible things you do to yourself, it takes away some of their power.

It's not like speaking about EDs with terror and reverence is going to make them go away or diminish them, so making jokes about them isn't exactly going to hurt either.

It is a sensitive subject...but compassion with humor is better than fearful sympathy.

 

i think u´re right about that...Sometimes it´s like if my past didn´t want to dissappear, u no, it´s like, my eds will always be there... but i want to believe that maybe, when i feel strong enough i will "fight" against my past and i won´t have thoughts about straving myself or puking never again... but i don´t feel strong enough to fight against them yet...( i am afraid that i can start again with those problems, so i´d rather wait some time....)

and about joking about the eds...ok, u can laught at them if you want, but you should understand that some people are still having eds and can´t laught at them...

 

thank you. you can always say the stuff people's thinking but too lazy to explain. :H

 

I'd rather be fat than throw up all the time

 

yep, i think you´re right...maybe that was one reason... cause i didn´t mind to go to the dentist and feel pain ( i was wearing braces so i had to go quite often )...

 

I used to over eat but now I rarely eat at all. I've managed to drop 2 pants sizes in the past couple of months. :\