I have loved her from the first minute I saw her. Was it the stars in my eyes kind of romantic love? No. Because I had never been with a woman and could not even imagine being romantically involved with a woman. But it was love. A deep bond that existed from the very beginning. After about two years of an incredible friendship we took it another level. It was the most beautiful thing I could have imagined. After being abused emotionally and sexually by men, her tenderness and love was incredible. No, I am not a man hater. Not at all. But she healed so many of the wounds that were inflicted by the careless men I had allowed into my life. We built our relationship on a very strong basis of friendship, shared morals and values and intellectual, emotional and sexual stimulation. We were best friends, lovers, confidantes, soulmates... Couldn't have been perfect though, or we would still be together. No, I messed up and I did it BIG TIME. I started getting restless and thinking that I should be with a man and have the whole "ideal" life (marriage, house, dog, and picket fence). I wanted the norm. So, I started straying. I never did cheat physically but what I did hurt much worse. I started talking to other people and thinking about other people and was basically always planning the end of my current relationship when I found something better. She discovered this many times, and because she loved me so unconditionally, she continually took me back. We were together for four years. When she finally left me, I was devastated. What made it worse is that she got into a relationship less than a week later with her ex girlfriend who had been wanting her back for five years. We still have that bond, that love but she tells me that she is not willing to leave something safe and secure for someone who she doesn't know if they will decide six months down the line that she is not what they want again. I have done everything in my power over the past year to improve myself as a person. I attend counseling, I have changed my habits and attitudes and I know in my heart that she is the only person in this world that I am meant to be with for the rest of my life. What do I do?????
My friend, you have apparently done everything within your mortal power to self-improve. Honestly, it is time that will now take it's course. And with time, comes more improvement. Just have faith and remain strong in faith. Meanwhile, continue to talk to this woman as a friend without expecting anything else in the back of your mind. Your love is there--let her come around now.
I know that you are right! That is the hard part though! I am one of these people that has learned, "If you work hard enough and want something bad enough, you can get it." I went into this reconciliation attempt with that mind frame and it has been a great learning experience. I am not in control of everything in my life. You are right. I know that only time will take care of whatever is meant to be. It is very hard to give up control and put it in fate's hands. I guess that is all I can at this point though. Thanks again.
