What do you do when the person you love isn't right for you?

I am in love with a girl, I don't know why, but she's just got me. The problem is I can't see being with her forever, as much as I love her, and she loves me (and yes, this is love, not enfatuation). She's just too plain, not enough personality. For example whenever someone asks her her favorite food she says "chicken." I mean, come on. She just doesn't seem to be on the same intellectual level as me (not saying I'm a genius, just that we're at different places), and that is something that is important to me, I'd like to be able to have a converstation about what I consider to be "big" topics.

So...would it be better to just preimptively break up while it's good, or just ride it out until it's enevitable, or hang on and see what happens?

 

Optimist: Hope springs Eternal

Realist: Time to move on down the Road


Which are you?

 

having been in that situation, I would say things will become apparent eventually when something is lack luster or missing. thankfully in my case, we were friends so things were easier to end..she was a bitch for awhile afterwards but things seem to be getting better again as of the past few days. we both told each other we were sorta rebounds..so, learning exp. for both of us.

 

i think this sounds like a lie.

but if it isn't, perhaps one day, you know you will have that conversation...

 

WHAT? you're weird.

anyway, to the poster. sometimes there can BE love without having hardly anything in common with the person. what you do is totally up to you. if you break it off now, it'll hurt her bigtime, but she'll always remember the relationship as always being good and have happy memories of it. if you wait until later, negative things may happen. but then if you break it off, you'll never know what could have been. so basically, there is no right or wrong answer and it is your decision peace and love to you!

 

don't get me wrong, i'm not doubting that you're actually in love, but every time i realized the person i "loved" wasn't right for me (which has been twice) and it was over, i realized it wasn't love at all. there was love in the relationship. i loved being with someone and i loved certain things about them and i loved being loved back. looking back on the relationship i see that i loved these boys but i was not in love with them. i'm a very loving person so i show and feel love for people very easily and i think i was confusing that with actually being in love. now i'm with someone that i actually feel like i'm in love with. i was just like you in the past relationships, i just knew it wasn't gonna last forever. with this guy i can't see myself without him and i really don't want to. there's not one thing i would change about him and i love him more than anything. i get this feeling inside me like my heart and soul are just completely satisfied. i hope you get that feeling one day and everything works out for you.

oh and one more thing. maybe your girl's favorite food really is chicken. just because she's not saying anything fancy like filet mignon doesn't mean she's not an intellegent person. i know you know her better than me bc i don't know her at all and i'm sure there's more to you thinking she's not intellegent than her food preference. my favorite food is pickles. and people say they can carry on good conversations with me and that i'm smart. think about that.

 

I dont think her love of chicken means shes a moron

or that shes stupid because she likes it and you like something else

 

I think what he is saying is it is a very plain and general answer,not that it means she's less intellectual. That was a seperate point....

Anyways, does it really matter if you spend the rest of your life with her? Just have fun now while it lasts, when you really get sick of her, end it. (I realize it probably isn't that simple but advice usaully over simplifies the situation...)

 

I had an incident where an ex-boyfriend of mine fancied me quite a lot, but I didn't think there was any chemistry there at all. So, I had to be the bad guy & broke it off with him. He was pretty devastated, but I couldn't see being with him forever.

 

If someone asked me what my favourite food was, I would also say chicken.

Does that make me any less of an intelectual? No. Does it make me a bland, uninteresting person? No. It means I like chicken, simple as that. Whats the problem?

 

It's love, we were apart for a full year and now are kinda back together.

I dunno, the chicken thing, that's just an example. She's just really plain personality wise. Super nice and kind hearted, but just so plain. I guess I just want her to be something she's not in the end, and I'm not sure what to do about it.