Mother worring about my single status - Should she worry?

I, at the moment, am feeling a little bit like your 'sterio type' unmarried Greek daughter type. My Mum stepping into the shoes of the Greek father type who believes the daughter should not be single. (I love her dearly and DO know she is only concerned for me....)

Well, I am 23 have been in and out relationships since being 16, some have been pretty long term and serious, some brief and not at all serious. My relationship status has never really come into question before now.

I am single Mum to a little boy of 9 months old (NOT by choice am I a 'single parent' but long story short, my babyfather did a 'bunk' as soon as I told him I was pregnant. I haven't seen him since. Truth be told I really wouldn't know where to find him, he's litterally 'vanished' Obviously he was just a little boy in side the body of a 27year old just pretending to be a man.....)

Anyway point is now my Mum seems very concerned about my attitude I have undertaken since giving birth to this wonderful little boy, my beautiful Son. She asks me 'so you seeing anyone?' or 'So, got a boyfriend yet?' in quite a light hearted, slighty messing around kind of way, but get that serious 'concerned' face when I reply that I am far more concerned with concintrating on me and my Son than adding to the 'load' by bringing in an outsider into the equasion. Ie. a 'boyfriend' I just don't want to 'clog up' my life anything more than I have already got. As I told my Mum, I would not 'fight' it if love came to find me, but I am just more concerned with what I already have to be in the frame of mind of going out looking for a boyfriend.

This worries my Mum. She expressed concerns that she worried that I am making my life perhaps just a little bit too much just about 'me and my boy' and not letting anyone else in,...emotionally.

What do you think? I would grately appresiate other peoples views and oppinions on this. As I DO see why my Mum might worry about this but on the other hand I don't think it's really cause for concern. So an 'outside view' would be very interesting.

Thank you!!

 

Ok, forget about your mum for a sec. I know we can get into the habit of taking our mother's advice but when you're an adult yourself you have to try to listen to yourself more and first. Don't forget, you are a mum now too. Just like yours made decisions for you, it's your turn to make them for youself and your child. There is nothing at all wrong or selfish with you wanting to be surrounded by your son and no man. Obviously your mum is trying to have you live your life with her beliefs and rules but it's your life, you will be unhappy and your son too if you don't do what's best for you. I'm sure your mother loves you but when you are ready to date you will do so. Until then, enjoy your son and your solo time together. If people don't understand that's their problem. At the end of the day, i'm sure your son is the only happiness you need and truest peace you have. One look at his face and you know it's true. Be strong

 

I would not worry about your single status, as long as you are happy raising your child, your mind and heart will lead you to the right time and place to add a partner...your mum is just being a mum, no worries.

 

Thank you very much for your reply Trickster, it was nice to hear people agree with me!! Lol! Even if they don't agree with me I am still interested in hearing what people think. Either way. But it IS nice to feel there are people who think what I am doing is just fine though!!

I do just want to make a little point about these two comments below, though...

...my fault, I might not have put myself across as clear as I should have done. That's totally my fault but I must stress I have NO plans whatsoever to 'take my Mums advice' on this particular subject. This I have told her, this she knows well. She knows I am going to make no effort to 'find a boyfriend' as I am happy as I am and my Son is very happy it just being us two too. So I really wasn't looking for a 'what should I do?' more just interested to hear what people think, that's all.
In reguards to 'you're an adult yourself....and a Mum now too...' I see why you would say that if you ever so slightly missunderstanding my question as a 'what should I do?' question instead of I was just interested to know what other people thought. Again that's my fault not yours my love. But I have been (as far as I am concerned....) an adult, ie. living by myself (or with a partner), standing on my own two feet and making my own disissions since I left home at age 17. Also this isn't my first time to be a Mummy. I had a little boy when I was aged 19 but nearly 2years later he sadly died. So this little boy I write about today is my second Son.

As for the second comment (and again, I DO thank you for your opinions, so please don't take this the wrong way at all, please really don't....) but I think that is not entirely so that my Mum 'wants me to live my life with her beliefs and rules', no, I think she just worries for me. She knows I am still very much grieving for my first Son, she also worries that I am closing off the rest of the world (emotionally..) in order for to enjoy all the time with my second Son who I have now, and thirdly she did actually say to me last night when she came to my appartment for dinner
'I just dont want you to find yourself, when baby is 18 and tells you he's leaving home to move in with his girlfriend, to suddenly find yourself completely on your own'
So I do know it stems from my Mum caring about me really. I just don't seem to be able to convince her that I really AM happy in the lifestyle I chose for myself AND to be perfectly honest I probably really won't want to 'close off' the idea of allowing a partner into mylife for ever and ever, just for now, so I probably won't end up 'all alone in the world' Well, hopefully not anyway!!! Lol!!!

Thank you to 'walkoflife' I'm sure you are right, Mum's DO just worry endlessly for their children, I already do for mine!!

A great quote is: "You don't scare me, I have children!!!"

 

like walkoflife said, she's just being a mum and being concerned for you. honestly, i don't think they ever stop worrying

 

There's nothing wrong with being single, if you're happy as you are.

 

Very happy regardless of the lessons .. lol !

 

Oh, I know, parents will be parents no matter how old you get I suppose! Lol! It's quite nice that I still have them worring and 'watching my back' really I guess!! Could be worse, they could simply not care, so it's good really I recon.

 

THANK YOU!! That right there is my point! I AM happy this way, being single, at the moment that is very much BY CHOICE, MY choice.

However, as I've said before if, as chance would have it, I meet someone who is undeniably good for me (and my little boy OF COURSE!!...) then I won't fight it. Not at all, I WILL inbrace it. Just not 'looking' for that, that's all.

 

You know, I'm married and have been with my husband for 9 years, but I get remarks from people about how my world revolves too much around my children. So what? Why shouldn't I devote myself to them now when they really need me? Years from now they won't want to have anything to do with me because of the typical trials of adolescence, and they will probably be complaining about me on some forum like this, so why not enjoy this time now.

It's like, it's always the same thing, damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you weren't spending time with your son and trying to pursue a relationship with someone, then comments would be surely made about that too.

One thing I have learned is that when it comes to the family (meaning my parents, my grandparents, my in-laws) is when it comes to certain issues, to not even bother debating it, and to let it go in one ear and out the other. No sense letting it get to you, because everyone has an opinion, and not everyone will always agree.

{{{Big Hugs}}}

 

Ultimately, family is where your heart is at---if you love your child and immediate family and friends, then that is all the family you need, and no one should apply any extra pressure on adding a 'mate' to your life. Some of the greatest people I know are mothers who have reared their children---alone---and are doing a damn fine job of it.

 

Thank you sweetie, so I am normal then? Well maybe not totally, but I ask you, who the hell would want to be!!! Lol!!

One thing I picked up on in what you said is I am clearly not the only one who people seem to think you're just a little 'too much' all about your babies....with my Mum of course I KNOW it really is out of genuine concern that, for one I don't put a barriar up to keep out other people out of my life emotionally and for two well I guess that I don't miss what the world is doing because I'm far more occupied with watching my baby is doing / how he's growing/ developing / smilling.......etc, etc, etc, but I have found that the general opinion of people like you and me (real mothers who are passionate about our little living creations, our babies...) I get the impression and get treated as though I surely must have 'no life' Now THAT pisses me off!! Well, I suppose not really as they are just the kind of people whos opinions really don't count to me. I have a life, my child IS my life. Why is that so 'odd'??? I do insidently have other things going on in my life too, things that ARE important to me in addition, I just happen to put my Son above it all. I truely can't understand those who don't, no judgement on them at all, I just don't understand them.

Children are presious.

 

Here here!!! Damned right!!!!

 

Wow, that's EXACTLY how I feel! I too feel pitied, like I must not have any life because I'm wrapped up in my children, but the thing is, they bring so much into my life! It's a wonderful feeling, and I can't even begin to describe how happy they make me! (I'm sure you understand)

 

Oh yes,..I DO understand what you mean! My babies are EVERYTHING to me! And I don't worry if people assume that I don't have much of a life because I'm up to my eyes in nappies and milk, because I know I DO have other important stuff going on in my life, just nothing so important as the little man that Mother Nature and I created!!

If I am truely honest, I don't understand the appeal of their life as much as they don't understand mine! I just feel that a life without children would be really quite 'empty'. That's not to suggest that people who don't have children only lead 'half-lives' or anything! Not at all! I am sure it is a matter of what each indervidual holds dear in their life. For instance if a top paying career, a fancy apartment, a loving long term partner and a couple of cats running round the place is someones 'ideal' then that is really wonderful, a dream come true,....for them. But none of that would do anything for me. None of that would forfill MY life and my heart. I just feel that personaly I would find life very 'hollow' if I didn't have the beautiful gift of my two children.

I'm just appresiating that I am lucky to have them. Isn't that would we should do if we are indeed lucky enough to be blessed with babies?? I won't ever stop kissing the earth and thanking the stars in the sky that I have a truely blessed life indeed for having my babies. And even though I didn't have my 1st little boy for very long before he had to go again I am ALWAYS thankful I even had him at all!! And to be blessed a second time with my second Son? Well, I must have done something right in either a last life or this one. He's wonderful, he's my ideal, MY dream come true!

 

How old are you babies? You got girls or boys or both? It would be lovely to know a little about these fabulous little people you speak so proudly of!! Mine are both boys.

My 1st is Lewis Bohdan. He got to very nearly 2yrs old. (he would have been 4yrs old now...) He had lovely silky blonde hair with loose curls, big rosey cheeks with the BEST toothy smile and beautiful sparkley brown eyes. My 2nd is Abayomi Phoenix. He's 9months old. He has lovely dark hair with very tight curls, gorgeous light brown skin like the sun kissed him (he's mixed race) big, podgy, puppy dog cheeks with also the BEST smile matching his angel brother's and he has truely hypnotizing, big, deep, dark brown eyes, almost look all black.

So now I have given you the very briefest of out lines about my darling boys. Only in as much as how beautiful they look because if I started to tell about how all that makes them truely beautiful little people inside, well that would simply take more words than I've got! An entire lifetime wouldn't be long enough to tell you!! As I am sure is the same for you and you little cherubs!!! Lol!

 

You're only 23...you'ce got PLENTY of time to find a steady boyfriend. Your mom needs to respect your right to be single lol.:H

 

Thank you. Lol! But 'only 23...' after what I've already got done so far in my life, stuff I've been through already and how far I've come there's no 'only' about it! Lol! But, yes, I do get what you're saying though!! Lol!