I have six scars and one brand, { an Aum on the outside of my left arm near the elbow, a Pentacle below that, and closer still to my hand, a sag sign, and most recently under that, on the outside of my wrist, an S shape. I have a music note on my inner hip, like right on the hip bone, and a squiggle on my inner left ankle. I have a brand, on my inner right palm, that used to be the size of a dime when i first did it, but now its STILL healing (after like, a year and half ago) and shrinking and its a pinky finger nail size. } I was wondering why you guys did or do this to yourselves. I have a few reasons: 1. curiosity 2. love of art 3. lust for pain sort of... I love the dedication and strength and acceptance of temporary insanity(lol) that it takes to do these things..
my friend has ROBIN carved in his back in huge old-e lettering, all the way down his back. robin was his first love.
Maybe he just love birds... ... a simple reason to why I love any body mod. is that my skin is my canvas and I want it to look how I feel and think inside. I need to look how I feel, or I don't feel right. I wouldn't feel like me without them.
I see it as a form of self mutilation really. The only time I ever did it was when I went through a period where I cut, except instead of the regular lines, I'd carve pictures and words into my arms. Meh..
well im not doing it cause i like pain or cutting myslef because i hate pain, im doing it for the same reason people get tattoos and peircings,there artistic and self exprestion
kim, i didn't know you had these. so i guess i'm going to have to harass you for them when i see your tomorrow.
I tend to think of tattos and piercings as more of socially acceptable self-mutilation. I'm weird though... Either way, both get the same type of shock effect. That probably makes no sense.
Yes, but it's too bad that we have only one canvas. Too bad we can't do like those old things you used to draw on as a kid, where there's a sheet of plastic and you lift it up and whatever you drew disappears and you can start over. That guy with "Robin" scarred into his back, he must really love that thing now that he's not with her anymore. That's the problem I have with tattoos, scars, brands, whatever. Now, for We All Shine On: I am attracted to your candidness about your thinking and feelings about this. It's very alluring that you come out and admit the things that motivate you in this regard. Is that a picture of you on the lower left? If so, you are very pretty, too. I find myself intrigued by your curiousity about the pain and "temporary insanity" thing -- that really got me thinking. I guess I kinda know the "temporary insanity" thing: I skydive. Every time you let go of the doorway of an airplane, you feel that kind of thing. You accept death, even though you don't think you're actually going to die on this jump. (Why bring not one but two parachutes if you planned to die?) But I do sometimes consciously think about it, saying, "Wow, I could actually die doing this -- so many things can potentially go wrong." One time I did actually have a malfunction and I had to release my main and use my reserve parachute. It was an amazing rush! And the next week or so, I was back up skydiving all over again. The admission to myself that I am doing something that I could die doing is intriguing to me. It seems related to the temporary insanity thing you were talking about, Shine. And since you mention it, I now think that I, too, love the dedication and strength it takes to do these things. The decision to slice your own flesh, knowing that as you do it, it will cause intense pain, is a heavy one. I think that the only reason I don't do it is because I have not learned ways to do it safely, and I am not ready or willing to put permanent marks on myself. I believe I know how to shut off superficial pain, to a degree, but I have never really tested myself. Maybe some day. And I could see myself doing it with a trusted lover, perhaps. -Jeffrey
i used to date a guy who carved my name "robin" in his arm during shop class with an exacto knife, man he freaked me out.... we were only 13 then hahahaha..........
My first love carved Angel into his chest very deeply when we first broke up, we were 16. We got back together again and when the relationship began to decay again i wrote it in my thigh. I'm 18 (19 in june) now and i still have it there very faintly his however is still very prominant. Along wit hthe many other scars on his body from self harm. He was a severe self harmer to the point of passing out from weakness after doing it. That angel in my leg i'm neither ahamed about or proud of... i jsut accept it as being there. same with the faint lines on my arms. Once since i origionally did it i went over it ecause i didnt want it to fade.. i guess its like a mark of your past... it becomes part of you. Back then i have a thing for pain, but not extreemes of pain like he did. Once he lay behind me (so i was in his lap) and put is arm around me and cut a massive deep cut in his forearm ... he wanted me to taste his blood. it scared me but in one sence as a 15 year old in a passionate first relaionship it was intence. Its odd how such things as pain can both bring people so intimate and yet break so much as ultimatly it was one of our downfalls. now i've grown up a bit i dont think i'd ever do anything like it again...
I went over the Om on my arm after about 6 months forthe same reasons. I feel what you mean when you say its not a thing, but not not a thing, its just a part of you... its nice to feel a phsyical intensity outside of my constant mental one...
Wow. I can say her quite certainly that I am not with ya here on this. It definitely sounds unhealthy. When I say that, I mean "not done for mentally sound reasons." Shine, I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about Fleassy's ex boyfriend, and also I guess about Fleassy herself (though she knows I'm fond of her as a person). I have to be up-front in admitting that my life has been a pretty charmed one. Health, prosperity, love... all of these have been mine since I was a baby. I have never lived in a real dump, or been in real danger on a day-to-day basis. The people around me have been loving, kind, and not mean or abusive. So the criticism that can be leveled at me would be fair, if someone said, "Jeff, you just don't know what some people are driven to by either their genetics, their biology, their environment, and the stresses in their lives." But come on, I've also endured breakups where my heart was broken by a girl. I didn't go putting my fist through a window, or slicing up my own flesh. I don't want to sound hypercritical or condemnatory, but this is not the reaction of a well-adjusted person! I'm not even gonna ask, "Who's with me on this?" because I don't need anyone else to agree with me to know that I'm right about it. People who resort to self-mutilation to vent their frustration, sadness, or anger need help. This is no less bad than a girl addressing her body image by making herself puke all the time. I have another question, though. What do you cut yourselves with? What do you use, just any old knife? Some special tool? Shine, you seem to be into doing actual designs (which I view separately from the notion of cutting to calm your emotions, because there's an actual purpose to it), so how do you go about cutting a pentagram into yourself, etc.? I suppose that if I were to do this kind of thing, I would use a knife that was special to me. I own quite a few knives of various types (Benchmade, Spyderco, Myerchin, Timberline, Kershaw, etc.) and some of them are pretty important to me. But I'd have trouble singling out "the One" that was worthy of putting a mark on myself. And how deep to cut? Are you talking about just the thin line that a blade makes? I don't see how that would show up very well once it healed anyway. The knives I have are EXTREMELY sharp... I mean "you'd-be-surprised" sharp. I keep them that way, I sharpen them myself. They can easily shave hair off my arm. I would fear that any cut I gave myself would bleed like mad and require stitches. I wouldn't want to have to go to the hospital for stitches to be put into a cut I made as a design! Besides, they'd probably call for a psych evaluation if it was clearly done intentionally! I'd like it if we keep discussing this. I want to learn more about what's going on in people's minds. Thanks. You people are nothing if not interesting! -Jeffrey
He was mentally unsound... and i guess i was too. But what i was saying is at a young age when you are in a passionate relationship (as often first loves are) some people do resort to harsh levels to express that love. He didnt carve angel in his chest because he was depressed (he had many many other cuts for that) he did it because he had a love for me that was deep. .. looking back on it he's probably not so proud but at the time he wore it with pride.. something i didnt encourage though. I on the other hand did cut out of stupid teenage angst issues... mostly to do with him yes. I didnt get help... i helped myself. After cutting i began smashing my head into walls... not good... then i stopped eating for 2 weeks and found myself quite ill. ... i also drank a lot. then one day i realised there was so much more to life... and stopped. He didnt have this revelation for at least a year or so after we broke up.... infact i think he still burns himself occasionally. Its heartbreaking to see. The reason i brought this up in a scarification thread was the mention of a thrill for the pain. Often when i cut (i never did it amazingly deep, often just loads of shallow cuts/deep sctratches so as my arm would swell up but not bleed much) it was no longer about feeling shitty... i got addicted parhaps to the adrenaline... and the endorphines (i think thats the right word) from the pain. Your lucky to have had such a wonderful life, mine was by no means terrible, i had some shitty experiances for someone so young, but there are people out there experianceing worse everyday. I can not complain, and it was this knowlege which stopped me. I used many things, bits of broken glass, sharp kitchen knifes, stanley knifes. My ex used a stanley knife which i hide from him many times... it was very sharp and he would cut to the point of when a doctor DID finnaly get a chance to look at him he said at least 3 of his cuts should have been stitched. I never cut that deep, as i said it didnt end up as being a way of punishing myself, more a way of getting a feeling. When you are depressed there is a wonderful comfort in knowing you are in that state... its like a warm bath thats slowly getting colder and colder but you dont want to get out. A lot of my problems, like lack of eating and having urges to smack my head into walls werent decided by me to do them.. i just one day realised i was underweight and couldnt eat a mouthfull of anything without wanting to puke. An example of a slightly more "accepted" version of this rush is the addiction to piercings and tatoos. I have had i think 9 piercings in my life, and you crave another once one has healed, and i know many people who say "only one tatoo" and are now on their 5th or so... its the rush of getting it done i guess. As far as whats going on iin peoples minds... i have no idea.. at the time i didnt and i still dont. I just accept it happned and live with it. Like i said, i m neither ashamed or proud of my marks.... they mean no more to me than the scar on my chin from falling over when i was 5. only the angel one has any significance and thats slowly fading with the scar
Fleassy, thank you again for your candor, honesty and openness. I appreciate how you share your story the way you do. It's refreshing that you come right out and state things about yourself even if they are not the most flattering truths. Once again you impress me as a very together person. Blue skies, -Jeffrey
