... As one.

Discussion in 'Poetry' started by Silent_concubine, Jun 15, 2004.

  1. Silent_concubine

    Silent_concubine Member

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    Be With Me as One

    interlace me with your brilliance
    cover me with your skin
    show me your godly flesh
    and place it within
    shower me with your moisture
    satisfy my sweet tooth
    smile at me brightly
    so I can recapture my youth
    counteract my motions
    move with me in time
    render me breathless
    I’m giving you what’s mine
    sink in this oblivion
    inhale my smoky soul
    never leave me yearning
    forever make me whole

     
  2. moonbeam

    moonbeam Member

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    Nice. But since i believe in constructive criticism, i would say to change the line about the sweet tooth, because it weakens the romantic force and makes it silly. That's all i would say! Aside from that, its brilliant! Well done.
     

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