The stars will shine Down by the bridge Is where we'll meet, my friend, Down by the bridge, And the stars will shine. Down by the bridge, Is where we'll cry, my friend, Reminise the past, contemplate the future, Down by the bridge, is where we'll cry, my friends, Down by the bridge, And the stars will shine. Down by the Bridge, Is where we'll laugh, my friend, Drink til we're sick, And lie back and Dream, Down by the bridge, Is where we'll laugh again, Down by the bridge, And the stars will shine. Crusher From Crush to crushing, From real to unreal, From you, to only you. Mind boggle You, Are, A, Paradox, that i love to figure day by day, And each day closes; i fail to fathom you. Sometimes, I, Am, Close to knowing. By the touch of a hand, the smell of flesh, the taste of a lip. When, I, Look, Into your eye, I get lost and think im found. And for that split second, I was. As, You, Walk, Away, i catch a glimse of the essence of you.
I lvoed the first piece, it had a lovely musical quality to it, though perhaps the words reminisce and contemplate dont fit in there, try something impler, it would fit the tone of the poem better. The tird one was nice, but the way you broke up the lines was very distracting, too many pauses.
the third one caught me. i am actually a bit fond of the way you broke it up...its adds poignancy to each word.
thanks guys...i valure ur ideas greatly and will play around with them....i wanted to create poignancy in the 3rd as it means the most....sposed to be an element of longing in it as well...thank you very much both of you! xxx
You know what, withthe third one, looking back, the break up would be fine, what would make all the difference in the world is if you got rid of the commas at the end of each word. That would keep the continuity while also maintaining the stress you want to give each word.
