Not good. Need opinions/advice

Ok, here's the situation...
My girlfriend's dad is pretty abusive. He's nice to everyone else, but not her. If she does something wrong, or slightly "not right" in any way, he'll hit her. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
She insists that she's fine, but just a week ago he caught her smoking and he threatened to "punch her in the face so hard she'll wish she was never born". That is not good at all, it's quite disgusting to tell the truth.
This really saddens me and I don't know what to do. I suggested that she call kids help phone or better yet, the police, but she says that she doesn't want to be moved to some orphanage and doesn't want her dad to be carted away because then the rest of her family would hate her forever.
I really need some help with this, so any advice would be appreciated.

 

i dunno know man, if she dont want the cops to get inolved then i dunno maybe try to get her dad help liek counsling or something sorry to hear some1 u luv is hurting and u cant do anythign about it good luck

 

This usually helps against abusing parents:

 

How old are you guys? If it were me and my DAd was trying to hurt me and my family was going to hate me for standing up for myself I would say Fuck you assholes! and be ancient history. No way would i let him hurt me! No man should ever strike any woman even if it is your kid.unless of course she is like attacking him with deadly intent then it ok. But otherwise she should soo call a counselor. They can help.

 

Does her family have any idea what is going on? Looks like she has a few options to go with. Either she needs to sit down a talk to her father about how she is feels about his actions towards her, which my not work for obvious reasons. Or, she needs to talk to another member in her family and let them know what is going on. Maybe having another family member express to him and let him know about how much of an ass he is, might get him to realize what is going on. I know that this is a very hard and scared time for your girlfriend. Just make sure that she understands you will always be there for her. I wish I could give you some better advice. Good Luck.............



~namaste~

 

i was in a similar situation as a teen. my father was mentally ill, and violent. my brother was the peacemaker in the family, he kept his mouth shut, didn't make waves, and "behaved", but i was the "bad" child, the one who wouldn't ignore injustice or wrongfullness, nor keep quiet about it, so i was the one who got hit. it got bad enough at one point my mom threatened to leave my dad, and i got blamed for that too.

the only solution i had at the time was to bear it and try not to be home as much as possible, which really didn't change anything. i didn't have a concerned and supportive boyfriend. i tried talking to teachers and our minister; the teachers didn't believe me and our minister told me it was more important to not disrupt the family than to stop the abuse. you might try talking to another adult about your concerns if her parents are unapproachable, maybe you'll have better luck than i did.

when i was 19 i ran away from home - by then i had a boyfriend to stay with. i was gone for 2 weeks or longer. it still didn't change anything. by the time i got home my father was in denial, and telling himself that the reason why i left was just so i could go have some fun. a few months later i moved out for good, and into a bad marriage. i was divorced at 21. obviously i can't recommend this route. i was legally an adult by the time i left, so technically not considered a runaway. it didn't help anyway, i just ran from one bad situation to another.

you need to talk to a trusted adult. she is probably old enough that they will give her a choice to be removed from the home or not - my best friend went through a similar experience, called a helpline, and was able to stay at home. her father was able to get help, and the violence stopped. although they will probably never be very close, a lot of healing has occurred since, and he is a good grandfather to her kids. staying at home and getting her father help would be the ideal. studies show that foster care, or worse, institutionalization very often actually does as much or more damage than the abuse itself. staying at home while the family i offered real help provides the best healing for everyone, unless the abuse is really extreme and she is in immediate danger.

i would be cautious calling CPS, because in my experience often they're more concerned with processing case files than actually helping children, but you do need to encourage her to get help from somewhere. if it is necessary to call CPS, or if someone calls for her, then let her know that she probably has the right to request not to be removed from her home, unless the danger is extreme. she can request that her family be required to get counselling. often there are programs that can help her family while she remains at home with them, again, unless the danger is extreme. that is probably best. encourage her to speak her mind on these matters, and find out what her rights as a child are.

 

lmao...

thats really sad tho, i think you really need to sit her down and have a real talk with her, tell her to tell her family and whatever, you can't let her go on thinking that this is okay.....