Alright, so my boyfriend of one year has been on a business trip since Wednesday morning, Neither one of us were looking forward to this, because we just naturally spend a lot of time together, we live together and are best friends. Anyways this is the first time he's ever been on a 'business' trip, he just recently got promoted and will have to do this occasionally. We just found out I'm pregnant, 2 months ago...so I'm dealing with an over-load of emotions from that, and I have bipolar disorder and just recently got back on Zoloft. Yesterday he didn't call me until 9 at night, and said it took them a long time to drive and set shit up. Whatever, at least he called I was just worried that he was hurt since he had to drive and left around noon, California doesn't take that many hours to get to from Vegas. He's always been pretty good about calling me, recently anways. I guess the problem is that tonight when he called me it wasn't until 9, and I had called him 2 hours previously. He called acting like he was sleepy, and then automatically picked a fight with me when I asked what he had been up to today. I realize he just woke up and is cranky, but he seemed overly defensive about telling me what was up, and kept bitching about how he over-slept and now has missed a cocktail party for all the business associates for his company (it's all very white collar and pretentious, I don't understand that lifestyle) So after him hanging up on me and not calling back until 20 minutes later, I sucked it up and we got along and started joking a little bit and saying how we missed eachother, but for some reason it didn't seem very convincing. Today he didn't seem like he cared to see me, but I don't know if I'm being paranoid and he's just cranky about this trip and missing dinner or if he's cranky because he had to lie to me about something on the phone, and now he's going back out after a 'nap' to party with these people. I don't know what to think of it. It's taken a long time for me to build trust with him and I'm very proud of myself for how far I've come, but little things like these make it hard for me to trust him. When he gets nervous or anxious about our relationship he's been known to do some stupid shit ie. going to a strip club and getting a lapdance and not picking his phone up all night when I was calling and worried sick about him, and I found nude pictures of a girl on his computer 6 months into us dating, and emails where he told this girl she was beautiful etc. I do realize our relationship has done a full 360 in the past few months and were stronger than ever, but I still don't know if I can trust him tonight, after he's lied to me so many times. I want to know if these are normal feelings, or how other women or men would react to this... give me some feedback, this is going to be a long night.
It took me a lot of courage to write that, It feels like I'm letting people in on my insanity or some shit. I also feel like a bad g/f at the same time because I'm sitting here asking for input from total strangers on whether or not they think he's worth my trust. I feel like this shouldn't even be going through my head, but it is. The worst part is trying to decided whether this is me thinking clearly, or my sickness taking over, or me being pregnant and emotional and frightened because of abandonment issues. Fuck!
first of all, don't feel bad asking strangers for advice on your personal relationship. If I hadn't have come here, I wouldn't have had the support of all the wonderful girls and guys that are here. For me, it's pretty hard to find people that think along the same lines as me. It's a great site. Take advantage. Ok, here's my opinion based only on what you wrote here. It sounds like you guys are used to spending ALL your time together. I dated (and lived with) my ex for 2 1/2 years. We were each other's heart and soul. He gave up doing anything he had the chance to to spend time with me. Almost a year into our relationship, things changed. We weren't in the honeymoon stage anymore. Erik got out of it before I did. It was very hard for me to adjust to having lives of our own, not just a life together. We fought and I didn't trust him. I pushed him away when I was trying to keep him close. Maybe, just maybe ( I really have no idea) he is ready to be at a comfortabel level with you. He probably doesn't want to call you a bunch of time a day to check up and make sure he's "ok". You're pregnant also. REality might be sinking in and he could have some awful stupid man thoughts that we don't need to list because we know what they are. How many times has he lied and has he cheated? If this is his problem, make it his. not yours. No matter how much you follow him around and check up on him, he's going to find a way to be unfaithful, if that's what he's looking for. You might as well trust him, send him out the door with a smile and kiss, wait for him to miss you and call you. If he doesn't, that's on him. If he cheats or does something dumb, that's on him. Make him own up to his faults. He can't make an arguement if you aren't trying to keep him close with a leash. Not that you are, but he may feel that way. Give him some freedom and if he fucks up with it, start a new plan and get rid of this guy. I know that sounds out of the question, but if you say, "ok I love you, trust you, and if you choose to mess that up, it's no fault but yours" and he still screws around, you don't want someone like that raising your precious baby, do you?
